Balancing Sorrow and Joy in Christian Love Relationships
Christian love relationships often involve a dynamic interplay between sorrow and joy, reflecting the broader human experience within a fallen world. The Bible acknowledges that believers will experience both emotions, sometimes simultaneously. Jesus himself told his disciples, "Most certainly I tell you, that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice. You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will be turned into joy" [1]. He further promised, "So you also are experiencing sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy from you" [3]. This suggests that present sorrow can be a precursor to future, unassailable joy.
The prophet Jeremiah similarly speaks of God turning mourning into joy, comforting and causing rejoicing from sorrow [2]. This transformation is a recurring theme, indicating that sorrow is not necessarily an end state but can be a pathway to deeper joy. John Gill, commenting on John 16:20, notes that believers experience sorrow when Christ is "out of sight," emphasizing that the absence of Christ can cause significant unease [7]. However, this sorrow is often temporary or purposeful.
The Apostle Paul distinguishes between different kinds of sorrow, stating, "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation without regret, but worldly sorrow brings death" [4]. John Gill elaborates on this, explaining that Paul rejoiced not in the Corinthians' sorrow itself, but because their sorrow led to "true evangelical repentance" [6]. This highlights that sorrow, when it leads to repentance, can be a positive and salvific experience. Gill also suggests that "sorrow for sin, a godly sorrow... is to be preferred to all carnal mirth and jollity" [9].
In the context of relationships, Christians are called to a spirit of empathy. The commentary by Jamieson, Fausset, and Brown on Romans 12:15 encourages believers to "Rejoice with them that rejoice; and weep... with them that weep" [8]. This demonstrates that Christian love involves sharing in both the joys and the sorrows of others. Matthew Henry, in his commentary on 1 Peter 1:6, observes that despite afflictions, "Every sound Christian has always something wherein he may greatly rejoice," even if they are "made sorrowful through manifold temptations" [5]. This suggests that an underlying joy can persist even amidst present difficulties.
Sources
- John “Most certainly I tell you, that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice. You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will be turned into joy. -- John 16:20”
- Jeremiah “Then shall the virgin rejoice in the dance, and the young men and the old together; for I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow. -- Jeremiah 31:13”
- John “John 16:22 (LEB) — So you also are experiencing sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy from you.”
- II Corinthians “II Corinthians 7:10 (BSB) — Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation without regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.”
- 1 Peter (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on 1 Peter 1:6: The first word, wherein, refers to the apostle's foregoing discourse about the excellency of their present state, and their grand expectations for the future. "In this condition you greatly rejoice, though now for a season, or a little while, if need be, you are made sorrowful through manifold temptations," Pe1 1:6. I. The apostle grants they were in great affliction, and propounds several things in mitigation of their sorrows. 1. Every sound Christian has always something wherein he may greatly rejoice. Great rejoicing contains more than an inward placid serenity”
- 2 Corinthians (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on 2 Corinthians 7:9: Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry,.... Their grief and sorrow, as a natural passion, was no matter or cause of joy to him; nor was this what he sought after, being what he could take no real pleasure in; for so far as that was a pain to them, it was a pain to him: but that ye sorrowed to repentance; their sorrow issued in true evangelical repentance, and this was the ground of his rejoicing; for as there is joy in heaven among the angels, at the repentance of a sinner, so there is joy in the church below, among the saints and ministers of the Gospel, ”
- John (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on John 16:20: And ye now therefore have sorrow,.... This is the application of the preceding case. As it is with a woman in travail, when her hour is come, so it was now with them, and would be when Christ was removed from them; and as it is with every believer, when Christ is absent: for though there are many things that cause sorrow now, as sin, Satan, and afflictive dispensations of providence, yet nothing more sensibly touches believers to the quick, and gives them more uneasiness, than when Christ is out of sight: the reasons are, because he is so nearly related to them, being ”
- Romans (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Romans 12:15: Rejoice with them that rejoice; and weep--the "and" should probably be omitted. with them that weep--What a beautiful spirit of sympathy with the joys and sorrows of others is here inculcated! But it is only one charming phase of the unselfish character which belongs to all living Christianity. What a world will ours be when this shall become its reigning spirit! Of the two, however, it is more easy to sympathize with another's sorrows than his joys, because in the one case he needs us; in the other not. But just for this reason the latter is the mo”
- Ecclesiastes (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Ecclesiastes 7:3: Sorrow is better than laughter,.... Sorrow, expressed in the house of mourning, is better, more useful and commendable, than that foolish laughter, and those airs of levity, expressed in the house of feasting; or sorrow on account of affliction and troubles, even adversity itself, is oftentimes much more profitable, and conduces more to the good of men, than prosperity; or sorrow for sin, a godly sorrow, a sorrow after a godly sort, which works repentance unto salvation, that needeth not to be repented of, is to be preferred to all carnal mirth and jollity. It ma”