BEREAN.AI ← Ask a Question

Biblical Advice on Forgiving Untrustworthy Friends

Biblical advice on forgiving untrustworthy friends balances the importance of forgiveness with the need for caution and wisdom in relationships. While the New Testament emphasizes a readiness to forgive, the Old Testament, particularly Proverbs, often highlights the dangers of misplaced trust and the characteristics of reliable friendship.

The book of Proverbs warns against placing confidence in an unfaithful person during times of trouble, comparing it to a "bad tooth, or a lame foot" [1]. It also states that "a righteous person is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray" [3]. This suggests a need for discernment in choosing friends and maintaining a degree of wariness when a friend has proven untrustworthy. A wicked messenger, for instance, "falls into trouble," while a trustworthy envoy "gains healing" [2]. Josephus, in his Antiquities of the Jews, also stresses the importance of keeping trust as a "sacred and divine thing," even when there is no risk of being caught in a betrayal [9].

Despite these warnings, the New Testament calls for a spirit of forgiveness. Jesus instructs his followers, "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him" [4]. This command implies that forgiveness is contingent upon repentance. Adam Clarke, in his commentary on Colossians, notes that while one should not harbor ill will, the "offended party is not called actually to forgive, till the offender, with sorrow, acknowledges his fault" [11]. John Chrysostom, an early Church Father, views forgiveness as a "lovingkindness" that brings spiritual gain to the forgiver, even without immediate remission of sins [10].

The concept of reconciliation, defined as a "change from enmity to friendship," is presented as mutual, involving a change in both parties [6]. Forgiveness is also seen as a reflection of a repentant heart that has experienced God's grace [13, 14]. Those who have received God's forgiveness are expected to forgive others, and an unwillingness to do so may indicate a lack of true repentance or understanding of God's mercy [14].

However, forgiveness does not necessarily mean restoring the relationship to its previous level of trust, especially with someone who remains untrustworthy. The Babylonian Talmud interprets Micah 7:5, "Trust not in a companion, do not put your confidence in an intimate friend," as a warning against the evil inclination that might suggest one can sin and God will simply forgive [15, 16, 17]. John Gill, commenting on the same verse, clarifies that this is not meant to diminish true friendship but to highlight the widespread faithlessness in a degenerate age [18].

The Bible also provides guidance on how to respond to ingratitude and betrayal. While revenge is explicitly forbidden [7], believers are encouraged to pray for those who have wronged them [5, 8], exhibit love, and overcome evil with kindness [7, 8]. The example of Jacob, who remained faithful to Laban despite Laban's deceit, illustrates persevering love [7, Genesis 31:38-42].

In cases of interpersonal sin, Jewish tradition, as articulated by Maimonides in Mishneh Torah, distinguishes between sins against God and sins between people. Sins against a colleague, such as injury or theft, require not only restitution but also appeasement and a request for forgiveness from the wronged party before atonement can occur [12]. This underscores the importance of the offender's active role in seeking reconciliation.

Sources

  1. Proverbs “Confidence in someone unfaithful in time of trouble is like a bad tooth, or a lame foot. -- Proverbs 25:19”
  2. Proverbs “A wicked messenger falls into trouble, but a trustworthy envoy gains healing. -- Proverbs 13:17”
  3. Proverbs “A righteous person is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. -- Proverbs 12:26”
  4. Luke “Be careful. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him. -- Luke 17:3”
  5. Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Ingratitude — A characteristic of the wicked -- Ps 38:20; 2Ti 3:2. Often exhibited By relations. -- Job 19:14. By servants. -- Job 19:15,16. To benefactors. -- Ps 109:5; Ec 9:15. To friends in distress. -- Ps 38:11. Saints should avoid the guilt of -- Ps 7:4,5. Should be met with Prayers. -- Ps 35:12,13; 109:4. Faithfulness. -- Ge 31:38-42. Persevering love. -- 2Co 12:15. Punishment of -- Pr 17:13; Jer 18:20,21. Exemplified Laban. -- Ge 31:6,7. Chief butler. -- Ge 40:23. Israel. -- Ex 17:4. Men of Keilah. -- 1Sa 23:5,12. Saul. -- 1Sa 24:17. Nabal. -- 1Sa 25:5-11,21. ”
  6. Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Reconcilation — A change from enmity to friendship. It is mutual, i.e., it is a change wrought in both parties who have been at enmity. (1.) In Col. 1:21, 22, the word there used refers to a change wrought in the personal character of the sinner who ceases to be an enemy to God by wicked works, and yields up to him his full confidence and love. In 2 Cor. 5:20 the apostle beseeches the Corinthians to be "reconciled to God", i.e., to lay aside their enmity. (2.) Rom. 5:10 refers not to any change in our disposition toward God, but to God himself, as the party reconcile”
  7. Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Revenge — Forbidden by our Lord -- Le 19:18; Pr 24:17,29; Mt 5:39-41; Ro 12:17,19; 1Th 5:15; 1Pe 3:9. Christ an example of forbearing -- Isa 53:7; 1Pe 2:23. Rebuked by Christ -- Lu 9:54,55. Inconsistent with Christian spirit -- Lu 9:55. Proceeds from a spiteful heart -- Eze 25:15. Instead of taking, we should Trust in God. -- Pr 20:22; Ro 12:16. Exhibit love. -- Le 19:18; Lu 6:35. Give place to wrath. -- Ro 12:19. Exercise forbearance. -- Mt 5:38-41. Bless. -- Ro 12:14. Overcome others by kindness. -- Pr 25:21,22; Ro 12:20. Keep others from taking -- 1Sa 24:10; 25:24”
  8. Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Enemies — Christ prayed for his -- Lu 23:34. The lives of, to be spared -- 1Sa 24:10; 2Sa 16:10,11. The goods of, to be taken care of -- Ex 23:4,5. Should be Loved. -- Mt 5:44. Prayed for. -- Ac 7:60. Assisted. -- Pr 25:21; Ro 12:20. Overcome by kindness. -- 1Sa 26:21. Rejoice not at the misfortunes of -- Job 31:29. Rejoice not at the failings of -- Pr 24:17. Desire not the death of -- 1Ki 3:11. Curse them not -- Job 31:30. Be affectionately concerned for -- Ps 35:13. The friendship of, deceitful -- 2Sa 20:9,10; Pr 26:26; 27:6; Mt 26:48,49. God defends against -- Ps ”
  9. Project Gutenberg “Flavius Josephus, Antiquities of the Jews, CHAPTER 8, section 20: of a wall, that may prevent any persons from rolling down and perishing. 38. Let him that has received any thing in trust for another, take care to keep it as a sacred and divine thing; and let no one invent any contrivance whereby to deprive him that hath intrusted it with him of the same, and this whether he be a man or a woman; no, not although he or she were to gain an immense sum of gold, and this where he cannot be convicted of it by any body; for it is fit that a man's own conscience, which knows what he hath, should in a”
  10. CCEL/NPNF (Eastern Orthodox) “John Chrysostom, Homilies on Galatians–Colossians–Thessalonians: confidence: but if thou forgivest, thou demandest the matter as a debt, not by reason of the nature of the thing, but on account of the lovingkindness of Him that hath granted it. And wherein is it equal, that one who forgives his fellow-servants should receive remission of the sins committed against the Lord? but nevertheless we do receive such great lovingkindness, because He is rich in mercy and pity. And that I may show that even without these things, and without the remission, thou art a gainer by forgiving, consider how man”
  11. Colossians (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on Colossians 3:13: Forbearing one another - Avoid all occasions of irritating or provoking each other. Forgiving one another - If ye receive offense, be instantly ready to forgive on the first acknowledgment of the fault. Even as Christ forgave you - Who required no satisfaction, and sought for nothing in you but the broken, contrite heart, and freely forgave you as soon as you returned to Him. No man should for a moment harbour ill will in his heart to any; but the offended party is not called actually to forgive, till the offender, with sorrow, acknowledges his fault. He should ”
  12. Mishneh Torah (Maimonides) (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Mishneh Torah (Maimonides), Mishneh Torah%2C Repentance 2:9: Teshuvah and Yom Kippur only atone for sins between man and God; for example, a person who ate a forbidden food or engaged in forbidden sexual relations, and the like. However, sins between man and man; for example, someone who injures a colleague, curses a colleague, steals from him, or the like will never be forgiven until he gives his colleague what he owes him and appeases him. [It must be emphasized that] even if a person restores the money that he owes [the person he wronged], he must appease him and ask him to forgive him. Eve”
  13. Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 4:32: 4:32 Forgiving fellow believers is a natural and good response to experiencing God’s forgiving grace in Christ (cp. Col 3:12-13; 1 Jn 4:19).”
  14. Matthew (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Matthew 6:12: 6:12 as we have forgiven (see also 6:14-15; 18:21-35): Forgiving others is a reflection of a repentant, regenerate heart, which makes our own forgiveness possible. Those who have experienced God’s forgiveness will forgive. Jesus implies that those who are unwilling to forgive have not perceived God’s mercy, and perhaps have never truly repented.”
  15. Babylonian Talmud (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Babylonian Talmud, Chagigah 16a.15: Apropos this Sage, the Gemara cites another statement of his: Rabbi Yehuda, son of Rabbi Naḥmani, the disseminator of Reish Lakish, interpreted a verse homiletically: What is the meaning of that which is written: “Trust not in a companion, do not put your confidence in an intimate friend” (Micah 7:5)? If the evil inclination says to you: Sin, and the Holy One, Blessed be He, will forgive, do not trust it, since it is stated: “Trust not in a companion [ rei’a ].” And rei’a is referring to none other than the evil [ ra ] inclination, as it is stated: “For the ”
  16. Babylonian Talmud (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Babylonian Talmud, Chagigah 54a.31:15: Apropos this Sage, the Gemara cites another statement of his: Rabbi Yehuda, son of Rabbi Naḥmani, the disseminator of Reish Lakish, interpreted a verse homiletically: What is the meaning of that which is written: “Trust not in a companion, do not put your confidence in an intimate friend” (Micah 7:5)? If the evil inclination says to you: Sin, and the Holy One, Blessed be He, will forgive, do not trust it, since it is stated: “Trust not in a companion [ rei’a ].” And rei’a is referring to none other than the evil [ ra ] inclination, as it is stated: “For t”
  17. Babylonian Talmud (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Babylonian Talmud, Chagigah 54b.31:15: Apropos this Sage, the Gemara cites another statement of his: Rabbi Yehuda, son of Rabbi Naḥmani, the disseminator of Reish Lakish, interpreted a verse homiletically: What is the meaning of that which is written: “Trust not in a companion, do not put your confidence in an intimate friend” (Micah 7:5)? If the evil inclination says to you: Sin, and the Holy One, Blessed be He, will forgive, do not trust it, since it is stated: “Trust not in a companion [ rei’a ].” And rei’a is referring to none other than the evil [ ra ] inclination, as it is stated: “For t”
  18. Micah (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Micah 7:5: Trust ye not in a friend,.... This is not said to lessen the value of friendship; or to discourage the cultivation of it with agreeable persons; or to dissuade from a confidence in a real friend; or in the least to weaken it, and damp the pleasure of true friendship, which is one of the great blessings of life; but to set forth the sad degeneracy of the then present age, that men, who pretended to be friends, were so universally false and faithless, that there was no dependence to be had on them: put ye not confidence in a guide; in political matters, in civil affairs”
Ask Your Own Question
About Terms Privacy Contact

© 2026 BEREAN.AI. All rights reserved.