Biblical Guidance for Elderly Victims of Narcissistic Marriage
The Bible offers guidance concerning the care and protection of vulnerable individuals, including the elderly, which can be applied to situations involving narcissistic abuse within marriage. While the term "narcissistic marriage" is not explicitly biblical, scriptural principles address themes of mistreatment, spousal duties, and the church's responsibility toward those in need.
Husbands are exhorted to love their wives and "be not bitter against them," avoiding harshness, tyrannical behavior, and the denial of affection or provision [6]. Such actions, which align with characteristics of narcissistic abuse, are described as "barbarous, brutish, and unchristian" [6]. The Bible condemns those who exploit vulnerable individuals, such as "those who devour widows’ houses, and for a pretense make long prayers," stating they "will receive greater condemnation" [3]. This highlights God's strong disapproval of those who take advantage of others, especially the elderly or widowed.
The community, particularly the church, has a duty to care for the afflicted and those in distress [1]. This includes praying for them, sympathizing with them, pitying them, bearing them in mind, visiting them, comforting them, and relieving their needs [1]. Specifically concerning widows, the Bible instructs that they should be honored, not afflicted or oppressed [2, 4]. God is depicted as a judge for widows and one who relieves them [4].
In cases where elderly women are widowed, the Apostle Paul, in 1 Timothy, discusses the support of widows. He distinguishes between younger and older widows, suggesting that younger widows should remarry to avoid idleness and temptation, and to "guide the house" [5, 7, 8]. This counsel aims to prevent them from falling into practices that dishonor God [7]. Older widows, particularly those "sixty years old, having been the wife of one man" and known for good works, were to be supported by the church [9]. However, if a believing family member has widows in their care, they are to relieve them, so the church is not burdened unnecessarily [8, 10]. This principle underscores the responsibility of family members to care for their elderly relatives.
The Bible consistently emphasizes protection for the vulnerable and condemnation for those who exploit them, providing a framework for addressing situations where an elderly person is a victim of abuse within a marriage.
Sources
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Afflicted, Duty Toward The — To pray for them -- Ac 12:5; Php 1:16,19; Jas 5:14-16. To sympathise with them -- Ro 12:15; Ga 6:2. To pity them -- Job 6:14. To bear them in mind -- Heb 13:3. To visit them -- Jas 1:27. To comfort them -- Job 16:5; 29:25; 2Co 1:4; 1Th 4:18. To relieve them -- Job 31:19,20; Isa 58:10; Php 4:14; 1Ti 5:10. To protect them -- Ps 82:3; Pr 22:22; 31:5.”
- I Timothy “I Timothy 5:3 (Webster) — Honor widows that are widows indeed.”
- Mark “those who devour widows’ houses, and for a pretense make long prayers. These will receive greater condemnation.” -- Mark 12:40”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Widows — Character of true -- Lu 2:37; 1Ti 5:5,10. God Surely hears the cry of. -- Ex 22:23. Judges for. -- De 10:18; Ps 68:5. Relieves. -- Ps 146:9. Establishes the border of. -- Pr 15:25. Will witness against oppressors of. -- Mal 3:5. Exhorted to trust in God -- Jer 49:11. Should not be Afflicted. -- Ex 22:22. Oppressed. -- Jer 7:6; Zec 7:10. Treated with violence. -- Jer 22:3. Deprived of raiment in pledge. -- De 24:17. Should be Pleaded for. -- Isa 1:17. Honoured, if widows indeed. -- 1Ti 5:3. Relieved by their friends. -- 1Ti 5:4,16. Relieved by the Church. -- ”
- 1 Timothy (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Timothy 5:14: younger women--rather, as ellipsis ought to be supplied, "the younger widows," namely younger widows in general, as distinguished from the older widows taken on the roll of presbyteresses (Ti1 5:9). The "therefore" means seeing that young widows are exposed to such temptations, "I will," or "desire," &c. (Ti1 5:11-13). The precept here that they should marry again is not inconsistent with Co1 7:40; for the circumstances of the two cases were distinct (compare Co1 7:26). Here remarriage is recommended as an antidote to sexual passion, idleness, and t”
- Colossians (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Colossians 3:19: Husbands, love your wives,.... See Gill on Eph 5:25. and be not bitter against them; turning love into hatred of their persons; ruling with rigour, and in a tyrannical manner; behaving towards them in a morose, churlish, and ill natured way; giving them either bitter words, or blows, and denying them their affection, care, provision, protection, and assistance, but using them as servants, or worse. All which is barbarous, brutish, and unchristian, and utterly unbecoming the Gospel.”
- CCEL/NPNF (Eastern Orthodox) “John Chrysostom, Homilies on Galatians–Colossians–Thessalonians: wish it,) “that the younger widows marry, bear children, guide the house.” This course is at least preferable to the other. They ought indeed to be concerned for the things of God, they ought to preserve their faith. But since they do not this, it is better to avoid a worse course. God is not dishonored by their marrying again, and they do not fall into those practices, which have been censured. From such a widowhood, no good could arise, but good may come out of this marriage. Hence 460 the women will be able to correct that ind”
- CCEL (Reformed) “Calvin, Commentary on 1-2 Timothy, Titus, Philemon, section 22.1: 1 Timothy 5:14-16 14 . I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. 14 . Volo igitur juniores nubere, liberos gignere, domum administrare, nullam occasionem dare adversario, ut habeat maledicendi causam. 15 . For some are already turned aside after Satan. 15 . Nonnullae enim jam deflexerunt post Satanam. 16 . If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve the”
- CCEL (Reformed) “Calvin, Commentary on 1-2 Timothy, Titus, Philemon, section 21.1: 1 Timothy 5:9-13 9 . Let not a widow be taken into the number under threescore years old, having been the wife of one man, 9 . Vidua deligatur non minor annis sexaginta, quae fuerit inius viri uxor. 10 . Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints’ feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work. 10 . In operibus bonis habens testimonium, si liberos educavit, si fuit hospitalis, si sanctorum pedes lavit, si”
- 1 Timothy (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Timothy 5:16: If any . . . have widows--of his family, however related to him. Most of the oldest manuscripts and versions omit "man or," and read, "If any woman that believeth." But the Received text seems preferable. If, however, the weightiest authorities are to prevail, the sense will be: He was speaking of younger widows; He now says, If any believing young widow have widows related to her needing support, let her relieve them, thereby casing the Church of the burden, Ti1 5:3-4 (there it was the children and grandchildren; here it is the young widow, who, in”