Biblical Guidance on Dealing with Contentious People
Biblical texts offer guidance on how to approach contentious people and situations, often emphasizing the avoidance of strife and the pursuit of peace. The book of Proverbs frequently addresses the nature and consequences of contention, describing a contentious person as one who "kindles strife" like coals to embers or wood to fire [1]. Such individuals are characterized by wrath, which stirs up conflict, in contrast to those who are "slow to anger" and can appease it [2, 6].
The Bible suggests several strategies for dealing with contentious individuals. One approach is to avoid becoming entangled in their disputes. Proverbs indicates that a "gossip and a quarrelsome person are both like fuel to the fire of trouble and discord" [10]. Therefore, disengaging from such interactions can prevent further escalation. John Gill, in his commentary on 1 Corinthians, suggests that if someone is "contentious" and unwilling to be satisfied with reasonable explanations, it may not be worthwhile to continue the dispute, as they contend "not for truth, but victory" [7]. Similarly, Gill notes that those who are contentious "strive about words to no profit" and "sow discord among men" [8].
When disputes arise, the Old Testament outlines judicial processes for resolution. Deuteronomy 25:1 states that if there is a controversy, judges are to "justify the righteous, and condemn the wicked" [3]. Exodus describes Moses' role in judging disputes among the people, making known God's statutes and laws [5]. Later, Jethro advises Moses to delegate this responsibility, allowing others to judge minor disputes while bringing only major ones to him, thereby easing his burden [4]. This suggests a structured approach to conflict resolution, where impartial judgment is sought. The use of lots was also considered a legitimate method for settling disputes, as "the lot—whose disposal is of God—may, properly used, be a right mode of settling disputes" [13].
Beyond avoidance and formal resolution, biblical wisdom also encourages a posture of peace and reconciliation. The New Testament emphasizes the importance of maintaining a "peaceful conscience and assured confidence" when engaging in prayer, suggesting that minds should be "calm and free from all uneasy" thoughts, even amidst disputes [9]. In Matthew 18:15, Jesus provides a direct instruction for addressing a brother who has trespassed: "go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother" [11]. This passage highlights the value of private confrontation aimed at reconciliation rather than public contention.
The broader biblical teaching on anger also informs how to deal with contentious people. Anger is frequently forbidden and identified as a "work of the flesh" and a characteristic of fools [6]. It is connected with pride, cruelty, clamor, evil-speaking, malice, and blasphemy [6]. Therefore, cultivating meekness and being "slow to anger" are presented as virtues that can avert strife [2, 6]. The psalmist expresses a desire to avoid the company of "evildoers" and "wicked" individuals who gather to "consult and form schemes to do mischief," indicating a separation from those who actively promote discord [12].
Sources
- Proverbs “As coals are to hot embers, and wood to fire, so is a contentious man to kindling strife. -- Proverbs 26:21”
- Proverbs “A wrathful man stirs up contention, but one who is slow to anger appeases strife. -- Proverbs 15:18”
- Deuteronomy “If there is a controversy between men, and they come to judgment, and the judges judge them; then they shall justify the righteous, and condemn the wicked. -- Deuteronomy 25:1”
- Exodus “Exodus 18:22 (NASB) — "Let them judge the people at all times; and let it be that every major dispute they will bring to you, but every minor dispute they themselves will judge. So it will be easier for you, and they will bear the burden with you.”
- Exodus “Exodus 18:16 (BSB) — “Whenever they have a dispute, it is brought to me to judge between one man and another, and I make known to them the statutes and laws of God.””
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Anger — Forbidden -- Ec 7:9; Mt 5:22; Ro 12:19. A work of the flesh -- Ga 5:20. A characteristic of fools -- Pr 12:16; 14:29; 27:3; Ec 7:9. Connected with Pride. -- Pr 21:24. Cruelty. -- Ge 49:7; Pr 27:3,4. Clamour and evil-speaking. -- Eph 4:31. Malice and blasphemy. -- Col 3:8. Strife and contention. -- Pr 21:19; 29:22; 30:33. Brings its own punishment -- Job 5:2; Pr 19:19; 25:28. Grievous words stir up -- Jdj 12:4; 2Sa 19:43; Pr 15:1. Should not betray us into sin -- Ps 37:8; Eph 4:26. In prayer be free from -- 1Ti 2:8. May be averted by wisdom -- Pr 29:8. Meeknes”
- 1 Corinthians (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on 1 Corinthians 11:15: But if any man seem to be contentious,.... That is, if anyone will not be satisfied with reasons given, for men's praying and prophesying with their heads uncovered, and women's praying and prophesying with their heads covered; but will go on to raise objections, and continue carping and cavilling, showing that they contend not for truth, but victory, can they but obtain it any way; for my part, as if the apostle should say, I shall not think it worth my while to continue the dispute any longer; enough has been said to satisfy any wise and good man, anyone tha”
- Romans (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Romans 2:7: But unto them that are contentious,.... This is a description of the other sort of persons to whom God will render according to their deeds, "who are of the contention"; who contend for victory, and not truth; strive about words to no profit; are quarrelsome, and sow discord among men, and in churches; and do not obey the truth; neither attend to the light of nature, and to that which may be known of God by it; nor regard and submit to the Gospel revelation and so design both the Gentiles, which knew not God, and Jews, and others, who obey not the Gospel: but obey ”
- CCEL (Reformed) “Calvin, Commentary on 1-2 Timothy, Titus, Philemon, section 11.3: also shaken by various assaults; for, in consequence of his assistance not being visible, we are seized with doubts, whether or not he cares about us, or wishes us to be saved, and things of that nature. They who take this view think that the word disputing denotes that alarm which arises from doubt. Thus, according to them, the meaning would be, that we should pray with a peaceful conscience and assured confidence. Chrysostom and others think that the apostle here demands that our minds should be calm and free from all uneasy f”
- Proverbs (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Proverbs 26:20: 26:20-21 A gossip and a quarrelsome person are both like fuel to the fire of trouble and discord.”
- Matthew (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Matthew 18:15: Moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother, &c.--Probably our Lord had reference still to the late dispute, Who should be the greatest? After the rebuke--so gentle and captivating, yet so dignified and divine--under which they would doubtless be smarting, perhaps each would be saying, It was not I that began it, it was not I that threw out unworthy and irritating insinuations against my brethren. Be it so, says our Lord; but as such th”
- Psalms (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Psalms 26:5: I have hated the congregation of evildoers,.... That do harm to the persons, characters, or properties of men; and who meet together in bodies, to consult and form schemes to do mischief, and have their assemblies to encourage each other in it; these, their works and actions, the psalmist hated, though not their persons; and showed his displicency at them, and dislike and disapprobation of them, by absenting from them; see Jer 15:17; and will not sit with the wicked; ungodly and unrighteous men, sons of Belial; for with such what fellowship and concord can there be?”
- Proverbs (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Proverbs 18:18: The lot--whose disposal is of God (Pro 16:13), may, properly used, be a right mode of settling disputes.”