Biblical Guidelines for Pre-Marital Romantic Relationships
Biblical guidelines for pre-marital romantic relationships are primarily derived from broader principles concerning marriage, sexual purity, and wise conduct. Marriage itself is presented as a divine institution, established by God in Genesis 2:24, and is described as a covenant relationship [1]. This covenant is intended for human happiness, for increasing the population, and for raising "godly seed" [1].
One foundational principle is the avoidance of sexual immorality outside of marriage. The apostle Paul states in 1 Corinthians 7:2, "But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband." This verse, interpreted by Jamieson, Fausset & Brown, suggests that marriage is a means to avoid fornication, especially prevalent in places like Corinth where such acts were not always considered sins among non-believers [8]. The plural "fornications" in this context highlights the various forms of irregular lusts that stand in contrast to the unity of the marriage relationship [8]. Similarly, 1 Thessalonians 4:5 warns against "lustful passion," noting that while sexual immorality was often tolerated in the Mediterranean world, Jewish and Christian authors consistently prohibited all sexual involvement outside of marriage [7].
The concept of marriage as a covenant is significant. Proverbs 2:17 refers to the "guide of her youth" and the "covenant of her God," which Jamieson, Fausset & Brown interpret as a lawful husband and the marriage covenant made in God's name [6]. This covenantal understanding elevates marriage beyond a mere social contract. The Bible frequently uses marriage as a symbol for the covenant relationship between God and his people, with adultery symbolizing spiritual unfaithfulness [9].
While the Bible does not explicitly detail "dating" practices as understood in modern Western culture, it provides principles for wise decision-making and conduct in relationships that precede marriage. Proverbs 5:1-23 offers instructions to young men on embracing one's wife and avoiding immoral women, emphasizing discernment to distinguish right from wrong actions [4]. Jeremiah 2:33 speaks to the careful preparation of one's way to seek love, implying a need for intentionality and purity in the pursuit of a partner [2].
The New Testament encourages believers to marry "only in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:39), implying that a shared faith is a crucial consideration in choosing a spouse. Hebrews 13:4 states that marriage is "honourable for all" and the marriage bed undefiled, but warns that God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers [1]. This passage is part of a series of practical guidelines for loving others within the community of faith, forming a strong ethical foundation for life [5].
Paul also addresses situations where individuals might be considering marriage. In 1 Corinthians 7:36, he states that if a man feels he is behaving inappropriately toward his virgin daughter or fiancée, and if she is past the "flower of her age" and need requires it, "let him do what he desires. He doesn’t sin. Let them marry" [3]. Tyndale House interprets this passage as Paul allowing for marriage if sexual desires become too strong a temptation, though he personally recommended a celibate life for those in control of their desires [10].
Sources
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Marriage — Divinely instituted -- Ge 2:24. A covenant relationship -- Mal 2:4. Designed for The happiness of man. -- Ge 2:18. Increasing the human population. -- Ge 1:28; 9:1. Raising up godly seed. -- Mal 2:15. Preventing fornication. -- 1Co 7:2. The expectation of the promised seed of the woman an incentive to, in the early age -- Ge 3:15; 4:1. Lawful in all -- 1Co 7:2,28; 1Ti 5:14. Honourable for all -- Heb 13:4. Should be only in the Lord -- 1Co 7:39. Expressed by Joining together. -- Mt 19:6. Making affinity. -- 1Ki 3:1. Taking to wife. -- Ex 2:1. Giving daughte”
- Jeremiah “How well you prepare your way to seek love! Therefore you have taught even the wicked women your ways. -- Jeremiah 2:33”
- 1 Corinthians “But if any man thinks that he is behaving inappropriately toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of her age, and if need so requires, let him do what he desires. He doesn’t sin. Let them marry. -- 1 Corinthians 7:36”
- Proverbs (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Proverbs 5:1: 5:1-23 These instructions on embracing one’s wife and avoiding immoral women were originally addressed to young men just beginning their professional careers (see also 2:16-22; 7:1-27). This topic is also popular in ancient Egyptian wisdom writing. 5:1-2 Paying attention to instruction results in discernment—the ability to tell a right action from a wrong one. These instructions are vitally important when dealing with an immoral woman.”
- Hebrews (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Hebrews 13:1: 13:1-6 This series of practical guidelines is similar to other ethics lists in the New Testament. It describes how to love others in the community of faith, a strong ethical foundation for all of life. 13:1 Keep on loving each other as brothers and sisters: Literally Continue in brotherly love. This instruction applies to everyone in the Christian community (see study notes on 2:11; 3:1).”
- Proverbs (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Proverbs 2:17: guide . . . youth--lawful husband (Jer 3:4). covenant . . . God--of marriage made in God's name.”
- 1 Thessalonians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Thessalonians 4:5: 4:5 Willful ignorance of God and his ways is the root of moral corruption (Rom 1:18-32; Eph 4:17-18). • lustful passion: Sexual immorality was often tolerated in the Mediterranean world. Prostitution was allowed, but sexual relations with another man’s wife were prohibited. Roman marriage customs barred women, but not men, from extramarital affairs. By contrast, Jewish and Christian authors alike prohibited all sexual involvement outside of marriage (Acts 15:20; 1 Cor 6:12-20; Col 3:5-6).”
- 1 Corinthians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Corinthians 7:2: Here the general rule is given to avoid fornication--More literally, "on account of fornications," to which as being very prevalent at Corinth, and not even counted sins among the heathen, unmarried persons might be tempted. The plural, "fornications," marks irregular lusts, as contrasted with the unity of the marriage relation [BENGEL]. let every man have--a positive command to all who have not the gift of continency, in fact to the great majority of the world (Co1 7:5). The dignity of marriage is set forth by Paul (Eph 5:25-32), in the fact”
- Ezek (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ezek 23:4: 23:4 Marriage is commonly used in the Bible as a symbol for the covenant relationship between God and his people (e.g., Isa 54:1-8; Eph 5:22-33). Adultery symbolizes Israel’s spiritual unfaithfulness (e.g., Hos 1–3). God makes his covenants in spite of, not because of, his people’s character (Rom 5:6-11).”
- 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 7:36: 7:36-38 Paul recommends celibate life in preference to marriage, but he allows for marriage if a person’s sexual desires prove too much of a temptation. Those in firm control of their sexual desires are encouraged to choose the celibate life.”