Building Deep Friendships in the Bible as an Example
The Bible presents numerous examples and exhortations concerning the development of deep friendships, emphasizing their value and the responsibilities they entail. The concept of "brotherly love" (φιλαδελφία, philadelphia) is a recurring theme in the New Testament, with Hebrews 13:1 urging, "Let brotherly love abide" [1]. This love extends beyond mere familial ties to encompass a special spiritual affection among believers [7].
Friendship in biblical thought is often characterized by mutual support and encouragement. Believers are called to "stimulate one another to love and good deeds" [2] and to "comfort or exhort one another, and edify one another" [9]. This mutual edification is a hallmark of strong relationships. The Old Testament also highlights the goodness and pleasantness of "brothers to live together in unity" [3], suggesting a harmonious communal life that fosters deep bonds [8].
The development of friendship requires active participation. As Matthew Henry notes on Proverbs 18:24, to have and keep friends, one must "show ourselves friendly" through expressions of love, being free and pleasing, and performing good offices [5]. John Gill similarly states that "friendship ought to be mutual and reciprocal" [6]. This reciprocity is exemplified in biblical narratives, such as the covenant of friendship between Jacob and Laban, which aimed for mutual safety and good [11].
The Bible also acknowledges the challenges to friendship. Proverbs 19:4 observes that "Wealth adds many friends, but the poor is separated from his friend," indicating that external circumstances can impact relationships [4]. However, the ideal of friendship transcends such superficialities, emphasizing loyalty and constancy, especially with "old friends" [10].
Sources
- Hebrews “Hebrews 13:1 (Darby) — Let brotherly love abide.”
- Hebrews “Hebrews 10:24 (NASB) — and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds,”
- Psalms “See how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to live together in unity! -- Psalms 133:1”
- Proverbs “Wealth adds many friends, but the poor is separated from his friend. -- Proverbs 19:4”
- Proverbs (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Proverbs 18:24: Solomon here recommends friendship to us, and shows, 1. What we must do that we may contract and cultivate friendship; we must show ourselves friendly. Would we have friends and keep them, we must not only not affront them, or quarrel with them, but we must love them, and make it appear that we do so by all expressions that are endearing, by being free with them, pleasing to them, visiting them and bidding them welcome, and especially by doing all the good offices we can and serving them in every thing that lies in our power; that is showing ourselves friendly.”
- Proverbs (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Proverbs 18:24: A man that hath friends must show himself friendly,.... Friendship ought to be mutual and reciprocal, as between David and Jonathan; a man that receives friendship ought to return it, or otherwise he is guilty of great ingratitude. This may be spiritually applied; a believer is "a man of friends" (b), as it may be rendered; he has many friends: God is his friend, as appears by his early love to him, his choice of him, and provisions of grace for him; by sending his son to save him; by visiting him, not only in a way of providence, but of grace; by disclosing his se”
- Hebrews (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Hebrews 13:1: The design of Christ in giving himself for us is that he may purchase to himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. Now the apostle calls the believing Hebrews to the performance of many excellent duties, in which it becomes Christians to excel. I. To brotherly love (Heb 13:1), by which he does not only mean a general affection to all men, as our brethren by nature, all made of the same blood, nor that more limited affection which is due to those who are of the same immediate parents, but that special and spiritual affection which ought to exist among the ”
- Psalms (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Psalms 133:1: Here see, I. What it is that is commended - brethren's dwelling together in unity, not only not quarrelling, and devouring one another, but delighting in each other with mutual endearments, and promoting each other's welfare with mutual services. Sometimes it is chosen, as the best expedient for preserving peace, that brethren should live asunder and at a distance from each other; that indeed may prevent enmity and strife (Gen 13:9), but the goodness and pleasantness are for brethren to dwell together and so to dwell in unity, to dwell even as one (so some read i”
- 1 Thessalonians (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on 1 Thessalonians 5:11: In these words the apostle exhorts the Thessalonians to several duties. I. Towards those who were nearly related one to another. Such should comfort themselves, or exhort one another, and edify one another, Th1 5:11. 1. They must comfort or exhort themselves and one another; for the original word may be rendered both these ways. And we may observe, As those are most able and likely to comfort others who can comfort themselves, so the way to have comfort ourselves, or to administer comfort to others, is by compliance with the exhortation of the word. Note,”
- Proverbs (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Proverbs 27:9: Here is, 1. A charge given to be faithful and constant to our friends, our old friends, to keep up an intimacy with them, and to be ready to do them all the offices that lie in our power. It is good to have a friend, a bosom-friend, whom we can be free with, and with whom we may communicate counsels. It is not necessary that this friend should be a relation, or any way akin to us, though it is happiest when, among those who are so, we find one fit to make a friend of. Peter and Andrew were brethren, so were James and John; yet Solomon frequently distinguishes be”
- Genesis (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Genesis 31:42: Now therefore, come thou, let us make a covenant, I and thou,.... Let us be good friends, and enter into an alliance for mutual safety, and make an agreement for each other's good. Laban perceiving that Jacob's God was with him, and blessed him, and made him prosperous, and protected him, was fearful, lest, growing powerful, he should some time or other revenge himself on him or his, for his ill usage of him; and therefore was desirous of entering into a covenant of friendship with him: and let it be for a witness between me and thee; that all past differences are”