Choosing Between a Believer with Different Views and an Unbeliever with Shared Emotions

The biblical principle of not being "unequally yoked" with unbelievers is a key consideration when evaluating relationships between believers and non-believers ^[4]. This concept is rooted in 2 Corinthians 6:14, where Paul warns against forming close bonds with those who do not share one's faith, asking rhetorically, "And what concord hath Christ with Beliar? Or what part hath a believer with an unbeliever?" ^[1]. The image of being "unequally yoked" originates from the Old Testament, where it is forbidden to plow with an ox and an ass together (Deu 22:10), symbolizing the incompatibility of believers and unbelievers in close relationships ^[4].

In the context of marriage, this principle is particularly relevant. The early Christian tradition, as reflected in the writings of the Church Fathers, emphasized the importance of shared faith in marriage. Augustine, for instance, notes that differences in faith, hope, and love lead to differences in lifestyle, making it challenging for believers and unbelievers to live together harmoniously ^[11]. Aquinas, in his Summa Theologica, argues that a believer cannot marry an unbeliever because the primary good of marriage is the upbringing of children in the faith, which is compromised when the parents have different beliefs ^[10].

The Reformed tradition has also grappled with this issue. John Calvin, in his Institutes, distinguishes between fundamental articles of faith and those that are subject to controversy among churches. He suggests that while unity in essential doctrines is crucial, differences in non-essential matters do not necessarily destroy the unity of the faith ^[9]. However, when it comes to relationships with unbelievers, Calvin's commentary on 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 implies that believers should not initiate separation but may do so if the unbeliever insists on leaving.

In practice, this means that a believer may face a difficult decision when choosing between a fellow believer with whom they have theological differences and an unbeliever with whom they share emotional or social bonds. According to Charles Hodge, the Augustinian view emphasizes that one's faith is a gift from God, highlighting the distinction between believers and unbelievers ^[5]. John Gill's commentary on 1 Corinthians 7:12 suggests that Paul's guidance on mixed marriages is not a command from the Lord but his own apostolic judgment, emphasizing the importance of considering the specific circumstances ^[6].

The key biblical passages that inform this decision include not only 2 Corinthians 6:14 but also 1 Corinthians 7:12-16, which provides guidance on mixed marriages. The cross-references to other biblical passages, such as Psalm 37:5 and Ephesians 2:2, highlight the themes of trust in God and the spiritual condition of unbelievers ^{[2, 3]}.

Ultimately, the decision between a believer with different views and an unbeliever with shared emotions requires careful consideration of the biblical principles and the specific circumstances. While shared faith is a crucial aspect of a healthy relationship, the presence of theological differences among believers does not necessarily preclude a close bond. As the early Christian communities navigated these complexities, they emphasized the importance of maintaining the integrity of one's faith while being mindful of the relationships they formed with others.

The historical development of Christian thought on this issue reflects a nuanced understanding of the complexities involved. The patristic and scholastic traditions, as well as the Reformed and Baptist/Reformed perspectives represented in the sources, all contribute to a rich and multifaceted discussion ^{[7, 8]}. The tension between maintaining one's faith and engaging with those outside the faith remains a pressing concern for believers today, echoing the apostolic exhortations to live wisely among unbelievers (Col 4:5) ^[4].

Sources

II Corinthians “II Corinthians 6:15 (Rotherham) — And what concord hath Christ with Beliar? Or what part hath a believer with an unbeliever?”
OpenBible.info “Cross-reference: Ps.37.5 → Eccl.9.1 (confidence: 28 votes)”
OpenBible.info “Cross-reference: John.14.30 → Eph.2.2 (confidence: 15 votes)”
2 Corinthians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 2 Corinthians 6:14: Be not--Greek, "Become not." unequally yoked--"yoked with one alien in spirit." The image is from the symbolical precept of the law (Lev 19:19), "Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind"; or the precept (Deu 22:10), "Thou shalt not plough with an ox and an ass together." Compare Deu 7:3, forbidding marriages with the heathen; also Co1 7:39. The believer and unbeliever are utterly heterogeneous. Too close intercourse with unbelievers in other relations also is included (Co2 6:16; Co1 8:10; Co1 10:14). fellowship--literally, "”
CCEL (Reformed (Old Princeton)) “Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology, Vol. 2, section 139: Paris, 1608, vol. iv. p. 420, d. Here the main principle which distinguishes Augustinianism from all other schemes of doctrine is conceded. Why does one man repent and believe the Gospel, while another remains impenitent? The Augustinian says it is because God makes them to differ. He gives to one what He does not give to another. All Anti-Augustinians say that the reason is, that the one coöperates with the grace of God, and the other does not; or, the one yields, and the other does not; or, that the one resists, and the other does not.”
1 Corinthians (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on 1 Corinthians 7:12: But to the rest speak I, not the Lord,.... He had spoken before to married persons in general, and had delivered not his own sentiments barely, but the commandment of the Lord, that such should never separate from, or put away each other; in which he has respect to such as were upon equal foot in matters of religion, who were both of them believers in Christ; but now he speaks to the rest, to such as were unequally yoked, the one a believer, the other an unbeliever; and what he delivers on this head, concerning their living together, there being no express dete”
theology (Catholic (Scholastic)) “Aquinas, Summa Theologica, Second Part of the Second Part (Secunda Secundae), Of Unbelief in General, Art. 10: Article: Whether unbelievers may have authority or dominion over the faithful? I answer that, That this question may be considered in two ways. First, we may speak of dominion or authority of unbelievers over the faithful as of a thing to be established for the first time. This ought by no means to be allowed, since it would provoke scandal and endanger the faith, for subjects are easily influenced by their superiors to comply with their commands, unless the subjects are of great virt”
Acts (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Acts 28:25: And when they agreed not among themselves,.... One part believing what was said, and the other disbelieving; and such a division is the usual effect of the Gospel ministry; see Luk 12:51. Or this may be understood of the unbelieving party, who though they agreed in the main that Jesus was not the Messiah, yet might have different sentiments of the apostle; of the manner of his reasoning, and the nature of his proofs and arguments; and of some things which he delivered, which some might assent to, and others deny; as the Pharisees and Sadducees in the sanhedrim at Jerus”
CCEL (Reformed) “John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, section 83: are so necessary to be known, that all must hold them to be fixed and undoubted as the proper essentials of religion: for instance, that God is one, that Christ is God, and the Son of God, that our salvation depends on the mercy of God, and the like. Others, again, which are the subject of controversy among the churches, do not destroy the unity of the faith; for why should it be regarded as a ground of dissension between churches, if one, without any spirit of contention or perverseness in dogmatising, hold that the soul on quitti”
theology (Catholic (Scholastic)) “Aquinas, Summa Theologica, Supplement (Supplementum), Of Disparity of Worship As an Impediment to Marriage, Art. 1: Article: Whether a believer can marry an unbeliever? I answer that, The chief good of marriage is the offspring to be brought up to the worship of God. Now since education is the work of father and mother in common, each of them intends to bring up the child to the worship of God according to their own faith. Consequently if they be of different faith, the intention of the one will be contrary to the intention of the other, and therefore there cannot be a fitting marriage between”
Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 4: Augustine — Anti-Manichaean, Anti-Donatist — BOOK XX. (part 26): faith unfeigned, and that these three, faith, hope, and love, abide to form the life of believers, it is impossible that there should be similarity in the manners of those who differ in these three things. Those who believe differently, and hope differently, and love differently, must also live differently. And if we resemble the Gentiles in our use of such things as food and drink, and houses and clothes and baths, and those of us who marry, in taking and keeping wives, and in begetting and bringing up children as o”

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