Common Misconceptions About Submission in Marriage
The concept of submission in marriage, particularly for wives, is often misunderstood. Biblical passages such as Ephesians 5:22 and 1 Peter 3:1 instruct wives to submit to their husbands [3, 4]. However, this instruction is not given in isolation but within a broader context of mutual submission among believers and specific responsibilities for husbands [7, 3].
One common misconception is that submission implies inferiority or a lack of agency for wives. The Bible, however, presents marriage as a relationship rooted in the created order, established in Paradise before the fall (Genesis 2:18-24) [1, 6]. In Ephesians, the call for wives to submit is immediately preceded by a general exhortation for all Christians to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21) [7]. This suggests that submission is a characteristic of Christian living, not solely a hierarchical command for wives [5].
Another misunderstanding is that a wife's submission is unconditional and absolute, demanding obedience in all circumstances. While 1 Peter 3:6 notes that submission in the ancient world often took the form of obedience, the biblical texts also emphasize the husband's reciprocal duties [4]. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church, even to the point of self-sacrifice (Ephesians 5:25) [3]. This love is meant to be nurturing and cherishing, not domineering [4]. The relationship between husband and wife is presented as a reflection of Christ's relationship with the church, where Christ's headship is characterized by sacrificial love [6, 3].
Furthermore, the phrase "your own husbands" in Ephesians 5:22 suggests a specific relational context for submission, emphasizing the unique bond within marriage [2]. This is not a call for wives to submit to all men, but to their particular spouse within the covenant of marriage [2]. The institution of marriage itself, as established in Genesis, is described as an inseparable and exclusive relationship between one man and one woman, forming "one flesh" [6, 1]. This foundational unity underscores the relational nature of submission, where both partners have distinct yet complementary roles within a loving and respectful union [4].
Sources
- Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Marriage — Was instituted in Paradise when man was in innocence (Gen. 2:18-24). Here we have its original charter, which was confirmed by our Lord, as the basis on which all regulations are to be framed (Matt. 19:4, 5). It is evident that monogamy was the original law of marriage (Matt. 19:5; 1 Cor. 6:16). This law was violated in after times, when corrupt usages began to be introduced (Gen. 4:19; 6:2). We meet with the prevalence of polygamy and concubinage in the patriarchal age (Gen. 16:1-4; 22:21-24; 28:8, 9; 29:23-30, etc.). Polygamy was acknowledged in the Mosa”
- Ephesians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Ephesians 5:22: (Eph 6:9.) The Church's relation to Christ in His everlasting purpose, is the foundation and archetype of the three greatest of earthly relations, that of husband and wife (Eph 5:22-33), parent and child (Eph 6:1-4), master and servant (Eph 6:4-9). The oldest manuscripts omit "submit yourselves"; supplying it from Eph 5:21, "Ye wives (submitting yourselves) unto your own husbands." "Your own" is an argument for submissiveness on the part of the wives; it is not a stranger, but your own husbands whom you are called on to submit unto (compare Gen 3:16”
- Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:22: 5:22-33 Christian wives are to submit to their husbands, showing them respect. Equally important, Christian husbands are to love their wives (see Col 3:18-19). Christian marriages become a reflection of the union and relationship between the Lord and the church. 5:22 Submission is part of the life to which the wives’ Christian commitment calls them (see 1 Cor 11:3-10; 14:34-35; Col 3:18; 1 Tim 2:11-12; Titus 2:5; 1 Pet 3:1-6).”
- 1 Peter (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Peter 3:1: 3:1-7 The last of Peter’s three exhortations about accepting authority (2:13–3:7) concerns wives and husbands (cp. Eph 5:21-33; Col 3:18-19). 3:1 accept the authority of (literally submit to): Wives are instructed to acknowledge that God has appointed the husband as head of the relationship (see 2:13; Eph 5:22-25). Submission in the ancient world took the form of obedience (see 1 Pet 3:6). God also intends the husband to be a loving and respectful head (3:7; see Eph 5:25-30). However, Peter focuses especially on wives with pagan husbands who would potentially be h”
- Ephesians (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Ephesians 5:19: Submitting yourselves one to another,.... Which may be understood either in a political sense, of giving honour, obedience, and tribute, to civil magistrates, since they are set up by God for the good of men, and it is for the credit of religion for the saints to submit to them; or in an economical sense; thus the wife should be subject to the husband, children to their parents, and servants to their masters, which several things are afterwards insisted on, as explanative of this rule; or in an ecclesiastic sense, so the Ethiopic version renders it, "subject yourse”
- Genesis (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Genesis 2:24: 2:24 Marriage between a man and a woman is not just a human social construct but is rooted in the created order. • a man leaves . . . and is joined: Marriage entails a shift of loyalty from parents to spouse. • the two are united into one: Marriage and its commitments make it the most fundamental covenant relationship observed among humans. Marriage is a powerful image of Israel’s covenant with God (Hos 2:14-23) and of Christ’s relationship to the church (Eph 5:22-32). Marriage is designed as an inseparable, exclusive relationship between a man and a woman. The f”
- Ephesians (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Ephesians 5:21: Here the apostle begins his exhortation to the discharge of relative duties. As a general foundation for these duties, he lays down that rule Eph 5:21. There is a mutual submission that Christians owe one to another, condescending to bear one another's burdens: not advancing themselves above others, nor domineering over one another and giving laws to one another. Paul was an example of this truly Christian temper, for he became all things to all men. We must be of a yielding and of a submissive spirit, and ready to all the duties of the respective places and st”