Communicating Difficult Truths Without Causing Offense in Relationships
Communicating Difficult Truths Without Causing Offense in Relationships
Communicating difficult truths in relationships requires a delicate balance between honesty and sensitivity. The biblical text provides guidance on this issue, emphasizing the importance of speaking truthfully without causing unnecessary offense. In Titus 2:8, Paul advises believers to speak "true and right words, against which no protest may be made" [1]. This principle is echoed in Proverbs, where it is written that "a soft answer turneth away wrath" (Proverbs 15:1, not directly quoted but referenced in [7]).
The biblical writers stress the need for gentle and respectful communication. In Titus 3:2, believers are exhorted to "speak evil of no man, not to be litigious but gentle: shewing all mildness towards all men" [4]. This instruction is reinforced by the commentary of John Gill, who notes that believers should avoid speaking evil of others, particularly those in authority, and instead cultivate a spirit of gentleness [6].
The book of Proverbs offers practical wisdom on this topic. Matthew Henry's commentary on Proverbs 25:15 highlights the importance of patience and mildness in dealing with others, suggesting that these qualities can help to persuade others and achieve a desired outcome [5]. Similarly, Henry's introduction to Proverbs 15 emphasizes the role of soft words in maintaining peace and avoiding conflict [7].
The New Testament also provides examples of how to communicate difficult truths effectively. In 1 Peter 3:16, believers are encouraged to maintain a good conscience and conversation, which can help to silence false accusations and bring glory to God [8]. The apostle Paul's approach to communication is also instructive. In 2 Corinthians 8:8, he notes that he is not issuing a command, but rather testing the sincerity of the Corinthians' love by comparing it to the earnestness of others [3].
The biblical emphasis on gentle and respectful communication is not limited to personal relationships. It also applies to interactions with those outside the faith. Sirach 8:5 cautions against communicating with an ignorant person, lest they speak ill of one's family [2]. However, this does not mean avoiding difficult conversations altogether. Rather, it suggests that believers should approach such conversations with care and sensitivity.
Sources
- Titus “Titus 2:8 (BBE) — Saying true and right words, against which no protest may be made, so that he who is not on our side may be put to shame, unable to say any evil of us.”
- Sirach “Sirach 8:5 (DRC) — Communicate not with an ignorant man, lest he speak ill of thy family.”
- II Corinthians “II Corinthians 8:8 (ASV) — I speak not by way of commandment, but as proving through the earnestness of others the sincerity also of your love.”
- Titus “Titus 3:2 (DRC) — To speak evil of no man, not to be litigious but gentle: shewing all mildness towards all men.”
- Proverbs (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Proverbs 25:15: Two things are here recommended to us, in dealing with others, as likely means to gain our point: - 1. Patience, to bear a present heat without being put into a heat by it, and to wait for a fit opportunity to offer our reasons and to give persons time to consider them. By this means even a prince may be persuaded to do a thing which he seemed very averse to, much more a common person. That which is justice and reason now will be so another time, and therefore we need not urge them with violence now, but wait for a more convenient season. 2. Mildness, to speak ”
- Titus (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Titus 3:2: To speak evil of no man,.... As not of one another, so not of the men of the world, to the prejudice of their names and characters, which are tender things, and ought to be gently touched; nor of magistrates, principalities, and powers, of persons in dignity and authority, which the false teachers were not afraid to speak evil of, and by their principles and practices taught others to do the same: to be no brawlers; or "fighters", either by blows or words; not litigious and quarrelsome, wrangling and striving about things to no profit, and to the detriment and disturb”
- Proverbs (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Proverbs 15 (introduction): Solomon, as conservator of the public peace, here tells us, 1. How the peace may be kept, that we may know how in our places to keep it; it is by soft words. If wrath be risen like a threatening cloud, pregnant with storms and thunder, a soft answer will disperse it and turn it away. When men are provoked, speak gently to them, and give them good words, and they will be pacified, as the Ephraimites were by Gideon's mildness (Jdg 8:1-3); whereas, upon a like occasion, by Jephthah's roughness, they were exasperated, and the consequences were bad, Jdg ”
- 1 Peter (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on 1 Peter 3:16: The confession of a Christian's faith cannot credibly be supported but by the two means here specified - a good conscience and a good conversation. conscience is good when it does its office well, when it is kept pure and uncorrupt, and clear from guilt; then it will justify you, though men accuse you. A good conversation in Christ is a holy life, according to the doctrine and example of Christ. "Look well to your conscience, and to your conversation; and then, though men speak evil of you, and falsely accuse you as evil-doers, you will clear yourselves, and brin”