Dating a Responsible Social Drinker with Different Habits
The Bible addresses the consumption of alcohol, particularly wine, with various perspectives that caution against excess while not universally prohibiting its use. The term "winebibbers" in Proverbs 23:20 refers to those who drink to excess, and the passage advises against associating with such individuals to avoid acquiring similar habits [5]. Similarly, Proverbs 20 warns that "wine is a mocker; strong drink is raging," suggesting that it can lead to foolishness and rage, making a person a "fool" or a "madman" [2]. This perspective highlights the destructive potential of alcohol when consumed without moderation.
The Apostle Paul, in Ephesians 5:18, instructs believers, "And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess" [4]. John Gill's commentary on this verse clarifies that the sin of drunkenness is defined as "a custom, or habit, of voluntary excessive drinking of any strong liquor, whereby the mind is disturbed, and deprived of the use of reason" [4]. Gill notes that while wine is specifically mentioned as the common drink in Eastern countries, the prohibition extends to any strong liquor. He further emphasizes that drinking wine for "necessary use" or "honest delight and lawful pleasure" is not forbidden, but rather "excessive drinking of it, and this voluntary, and with design, and on purpose" [4]. This interpretation suggests a distinction between moderate, responsible consumption and excessive, intentional intoxication.
The concept of "drinking together" (G21177) appears in biblical texts, indicating that shared consumption of beverages was a common social practice [1]. However, the emphasis in biblical wisdom literature and apostolic instruction is consistently on avoiding the negative consequences associated with overindulgence. The warnings against drunkenness are often linked to broader themes of self-control, wisdom, and responsible living.
Beyond direct prohibitions against drunkenness, biblical texts also use the metaphor of drinking from one's "own cistern" or "own well" to represent fidelity within marriage [3, 7]. For example, Proverbs 5:15-18 encourages a man to "drink waters out of thine own cistern" and "from thine own well," which Tyndale House interprets as enjoying sexual relations exclusively within marriage [3]. This metaphor underscores the importance of faithfulness and the dangers of seeking satisfaction outside of divinely ordained relationships. John Gill also connects this imagery to marriage, stating that "as every man formerly had his own cistern for the reception of water for his own use...so every man should have his own wife, and but one" [7]. While not directly about alcohol, this metaphorical use of "drinking" highlights the principle of finding contentment and satisfaction within appropriate boundaries.
The Bible also presents instances of hospitality involving drink. In Genesis 24:14, Abraham's servant prays for a sign to identify Isaac's future wife, asking that the woman who offers him water to drink and also offers to water his camels be the one appointed by God [6]. This narrative illustrates the cultural significance of offering drink as an act of hospitality and kindness.
The broader theological framework often considers individual dispositions and habits. Charles Hodge, in his Systematic Theology, discusses how individuals exhibit different dispositions, some being "morose, irritable, and unsocial," while others are "directly the reverse" [8]. While Hodge's discussion is not specifically about alcohol, it touches on the idea that individuals have varying inclinations and that these dispositions, whether innate or acquired, shape their character and behavior [8]. This perspective can be applied to habits like drinking, suggesting that individual tendencies and self-control play a role in how one approaches such practices.
Sources
- STEPBible TBESG “[G21177] G21177 = (G21177) — drinking together”
- Proverbs (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Proverbs 20 (introduction): Here is, 1. The mischief of drunkenness: Wine is a mocker; strong drink is raging. It is so to the sinner himself; it mocks him, makes a fool of him, promises him that satisfaction which it can never give him. It smiles upon him at first, but at the last it bites. In reflection upon it, it rages in his conscience. It is raging in the body, puts the humours into a ferment. When the wine is in the wit is out, and then the man, according as his natural temper is, either mocks like a fool or rages like a madman. Drunkenness, which pretends to be a socia”
- Proverbs (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Proverbs 5:15: 5:15-18 To drink from one’s own well (see also Song 4:12, 15) is to enjoy sexual relations within marriage. Rather than expend sexual energy on immoral women, a man should cultivate a healthy sexual relationship with his wife. Sex is not to be shared with strangers. This honors marriage (Gen 2:22-25) and keeps the seventh commandment (Exod 20:14 and Deut 5:18).”
- Ephesians (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Ephesians 5:16: And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess,.... The sin of drunkenness here dehorted from, is a custom, or habit, of voluntary excessive drinking of any strong liquor, whereby the mind is disturbed, and deprived of the use of reason: though wine is only here mentioned, that being the usual liquor drank in the eastern countries, yet the same holds good of any other strong liquor, as of that; nor is drinking wine for necessary use prohibited, nor for honest delight and lawful pleasure; but excessive drinking of it, and this voluntary, and with design, and on purpo”
- Proverbs (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Proverbs 23:20: Be not amongst winebibbers,.... Who drink to excess, otherwise wine may be drank, provided moderation is used; but it is not good to be in company with, excessive drinkers of it, lost a habit of excessive drinking should be acquired; among riotous eaters of flesh; flesh may be lawfully eaten, but not in a riotous manner, so as to indulge to gluttony and surfeiting; nor should such persons be kept company with that do so, lest their ways should be learned and imitated.”
- Genesis (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Genesis 24:14: And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink,.... The pitcher of water she should have upon her shoulder, after she had drawn it out of the well: and she shall say, drink, and I will give thy camels drink also; not only very readily and courteously invite him to drink himself but also propose to draw water for his camels too: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; to be his wife; he desired this might be the token by which he might know who the person was God had ”
- Proverbs (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Proverbs 5:15: Drink waters out of thine own cistern,.... Arguments being used to dissuade from conversation with an adulterous woman, taken from the disgrace, diseases, poverty, and distress of mind on reflection, it brings a man to; the wise man proceeds to direct to marriage, as a proper antidote against it: take a wife and cleave to her, and enjoy all the pleasures and comforts of a marriage state. As every man formerly had his own cistern for the reception of water for his own use, Kg2 18:31; so every man should have his own wife, and but one: and as drinking water quenches t”
- CCEL (Reformed (Old Princeton)) “Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology, Vol. 2, section 28: sopping to inquire whether his disposition be innate, derived by inheritance from his ancestors, or whether it was acquired. On the contrary, if he manifests from his youth a disposition for the 112 acquisition of knowledge, he is an object of respect, no matter whence that disposition was derived. The same is true with regard to amiable or unamiable dispositions. It cannot be denied that there is a great difference in men in this respect. Some are morose, irritable, and unsocial in their dispositions, others are directly the reverse. The”