Dating After Widowhood with Caution in Christian Relationships
The New Testament offers guidance regarding widows and remarriage, particularly in the Pauline epistles. While generally encouraging kindness and care for widows [2], specific instructions are given concerning younger widows.
The Apostle Paul, in 1 Timothy 5, distinguishes between older and younger widows. He advises against placing younger widows on a formal church list for support, stating, "But refuse to put younger widows on the list, for when they feel sensual desires in disregard of Christ, they want to get married" [4]. The Douay-Rheims Challoner translation renders this as, "But the younger widows avoid. For when they have grown wanton in Christ, they will marry" [1]. This counsel suggests that younger widows, if they remarry, may be seen as having "cast off their first faith," referring to a pledge made to Christ and the service of the Church [7]. Some interpretations suggest this "first faith" could refer to their Christian faith, which might be compromised if they entered a pagan marriage, alienating them from Christ [10]. Others understand it as a vow of "sacred widowhood" [10].
Instead of remaining unmarried, Paul explicitly recommends that younger widows remarry. one tradition states, "I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully" [11]. This recommendation is seen as an antidote to potential idleness, sexual passion, and the temptation to gossip or become busybodies [6]. By remarrying and managing a household, they would avoid giving "occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully" [8, 11].
A crucial condition for remarriage, for widows and all believers, is that the new spouse must be "in the Lord" [5]. Paul strongly discouraged marriage between Christians and unbelievers [5]. This aligns with the broader New Testament teaching that believers should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers [5].
The care for widows was a significant concern in the early church. The church was expected to support "widows in deed" [3], meaning those who were truly destitute and without family support [9]. However, if a believing family member had widows, they were to provide for them, so as not to burden the church [3, 9]. This ensured that the church's resources could be directed to those most in need [3].
The advice concerning remarriage for younger widows in 1 Timothy 5 is distinct from Paul's broader counsel on marriage in 1 Corinthians 7. In 1 Corinthians, Paul acknowledges that a widow is free to marry again, but only "in the Lord" [5]. While he expresses a preference for remaining single for those who can manage it, due to the freedom from worldly anxieties that singleness can offer [12], the specific circumstances of younger widows in 1 Timothy led to a different recommendation [6]. The concern in 1 Timothy was to prevent younger widows from falling into temptation or bringing reproach upon the Christian community [8].
Sources
- I Timothy “I Timothy 5:11 (DRC) — But the younger widows avoid. For when they have grown wanton in Christ, they will marry:”
- Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Widows — To be treated with kindness (Ex. 22:22; Deut. 14:29; 16:11, 14; 24:17, 19-21; 26:12; 27:19, etc.). In the New Testament the same tender regard for them is inculcated (Acts 6:1-6; 1 Tim. 5:3-16) and exhibited.”
- I Timothy “I Timothy 5:16 (Geneva1599) — If any faithfull man, or faithfull woman haue widowes, let them minister vnto them, and let not the Church bee charged, that there may bee sufficient for them that are widowes in deede.”
- 1 Timothy “1 Timothy 5:11 (NASB) — But refuse to put younger widows on the list, for when they feel sensual desires in disregard of Christ, they want to get married,”
- 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 7:39: 7:39 A widow may marry another man, but only if he loves the Lord. Paul strongly discouraged the marriage of Christians to unbelievers (cp. 2 Cor 6:14-16).”
- 1 Timothy (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Timothy 5:14: younger women--rather, as ellipsis ought to be supplied, "the younger widows," namely younger widows in general, as distinguished from the older widows taken on the roll of presbyteresses (Ti1 5:9). The "therefore" means seeing that young widows are exposed to such temptations, "I will," or "desire," &c. (Ti1 5:11-13). The precept here that they should marry again is not inconsistent with Co1 7:40; for the circumstances of the two cases were distinct (compare Co1 7:26). Here remarriage is recommended as an antidote to sexual passion, idleness, and t”
- 1 Timothy (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Timothy 5:12: Having--Bringing on themselves, and so having to bear as a burden (Gal 5:10) judgment from God (compare Ti1 3:6), weighing like a load on them. cast off their first faith--namely, pledged to Christ and the service of the Church. There could be no hardship at the age of sixty or upwards in not marrying again (end of Ti1 5:9), for the sake of serving better the cause of Christ as presbyteresses; though, to ordinary widows, no barrier existed against remarriage (Co1 7:39). This is altogether distinct from Rome's unnatural vows of celibacy in the case”
- 1 Timothy (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Timothy 5:14: 5:14 Paul is advising younger widows to remarry—and to marry believers (5:11-12; cp. 2:15). • not . . . say anything against them: Their actions were hurting their testimony for the Good News (see 1 Thes 4:11-12; Titus 2:8).”
- 1 Timothy (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Timothy 5:16: If any . . . have widows--of his family, however related to him. Most of the oldest manuscripts and versions omit "man or," and read, "If any woman that believeth." But the Received text seems preferable. If, however, the weightiest authorities are to prevail, the sense will be: He was speaking of younger widows; He now says, If any believing young widow have widows related to her needing support, let her relieve them, thereby casing the Church of the burden, Ti1 5:3-4 (there it was the children and grandchildren; here it is the young widow, who, in”
- 1 Timothy (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Timothy 5:11: 5:11-15 Young widows still in their childbearing years required a different approach. Paul was concerned that the false teachers were leading them astray. 5:11-12 If Paul was concerned about remarriage to unbelievers (cp. 5:14), their previous pledge would refer to their Christian faith, which they would surrender upon entering a pagan marriage; such a marriage would probably have alienated them from Christ. It is also possible that Paul and the church recognized a special category of “sacred widowhood” (see 5:5; cp. Acts 9:36-37), entered by a vow that Paul re”
- CCEL (Reformed) “Calvin, Commentary on 1-2 Timothy, Titus, Philemon, section 22.1: 1 Timothy 5:14-16 14 . I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. 14 . Volo igitur juniores nubere, liberos gignere, domum administrare, nullam occasionem dare adversario, ut habeat maledicendi causam. 15 . For some are already turned aside after Satan. 15 . Nonnullae enim jam deflexerunt post Satanam. 16 . If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve the”
- 1 Corinthians (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on 1 Corinthians 7:32: But I would have you without carefulness,.... This is another reason, by which the apostle confirms the advice he gives to virgins to remain such, because the married state is full of cares, whereas the single life is no more free from them; and therefore he wishes them to continue in such a state, that they might be without anxious and distracting cares of temporal things, things relating to the good decorum and sustenance of a family, and so be more free and at leisure for the service of God; which he illustrates, by showing the different cares that married a”