Dating with a Sovereign Heart after Loss and Grief
Dating with a Sovereign Heart after Loss and Grief
The concept of a "sovereign heart" is rooted in the biblical idea of a heart that is fully devoted to God. According to Adam Clarke, a Methodist/Wesleyan commentator, a sovereign heart is one that has been transformed by God, receiving "a new spirit" and a "heart of flesh" instead of a "stony heart" [4]. This transformation enables individuals to love God with a "very great and exceeding love" [9].
In the context of dating after loss and grief, having a sovereign heart means prioritizing one's relationship with God above all else. As Augustine writes, "the love of which we speak, which ought with all sanctity to burn in desire for God, is called temperance, in not seeking for earthly things, and fortitude in bearing the loss of them" [7]. This love is not limited to romantic relationships but is a fundamental aspect of one's being, guiding all interactions, including those with a potential partner.
The biblical Song of Solomon provides insight into the nature of romantic love and its relationship to a sovereign heart. The woman in the Song is characterized by her intense desire for her lover, using imagery that conveys the depth of her emotions [2]. Her love is not passive; she takes initiative, expressing her desires and seeking her beloved [5]. This portrayal suggests that a sovereign heart can be passionate and proactive in pursuing love, while still being guided by a deeper love for God.
However, the experience of loss and grief can significantly impact one's ability to love and trust others. The book of Job expresses the pain of loss, with Job declaring, "My heart is broken with desire" [1]. In such times, it is essential to acknowledge the emotional vulnerability that accompanies grief. Maimonides, a Jewish Rabbinic scholar, notes the importance of showing care and compassion to those who are grieving, such as widows and orphans, as they are particularly susceptible to emotional pain [8].
In the face of loss and grief, a sovereign heart seeks to balance the desire for human connection with the need to trust in God's sovereignty. As Augustine observes, "although [the mind] so love itself, that, supposing the alternative to be proposed to it, it would lose all things which it loves less than itself rather than perish; still, by abandoning Him who is above it, in dependence" [6]. This nuanced understanding of love and trust is crucial when navigating the complexities of dating after loss and grief.
The biblical narrative also highlights the importance of emotional honesty and vulnerability in relationships. The Psalmist's expressions of grief and longing, echoed in Matthew 26:38, demonstrate the value of acknowledging and processing one's emotions [3]. By doing so, individuals can cultivate a deeper sense of trust and intimacy with others, while still maintaining a sovereign heart that prioritizes their relationship with God.
Sources
- Job “Job 19:27 (BBE) — Whom I will see on my side, and not as one strange to me. My heart is broken with desire.”
- Song of Solomon (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Song of Solomon 2:5: 2:5-6 The woman’s love is intense, his love overwhelming. • If the Song is an anthology, the couple can be seen as married, and lovemaking is seen as so physically exhausting that she grows faint and calls for the sustenance of raisin cakes and apples. These foods were considered aphrodisiacs in the ancient Near East. • Strengthen me: She now depends on him to revive her with the fruit of the earlier image—he is the apple tree, so he can provide apples for her renewed strength. • His left arm is under my head: He tenderly supports her with his embrace as t”
- Matthew (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Matthew 26:38: 26:38 crushed with grief: See John 12:27; cp. Pss 42:5-6, 11; 43:5.”
- Ezekiel (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on Ezekiel 11:19: And I will give them one heart - A whole system of renewed affections. And I will put a new spirit within you - To direct and influence these new affections. And I will take the stony heart out of their flesh - That which would not receive the impressions of my Spirit. And will give them a heart of flesh - One that is capable of receiving and retaining these impressions.”
- Song of Solomon (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Song of Solomon 1:2: 1:2-14 The Song begins with the woman’s expression of desire for intimate union with the man she loves. In the Song, the woman is frequently the one who initiates relationship. The members of the chorus (identified in the NLT as “Young Women of Jerusalem”) affirm her choice of this man. • According to the three-character dramatic interpretation, the Song opens by explaining the woman’s predicament. The king is about to take her into his palace, but her true passions lie with her shepherd lover. The woman hopes that her lover will rescue her from the king’s”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 3: Augustine — On the Holy Trinity — CHAP. 14.--THE MIND LOVES GOD IN RIGHTLY LOVING ITSELF; AND IF IT LOVE NOT GOD, IT MUST BE SAID TO HATE ITSELF. EVEN A WEAK AND ERRING MIND IS ALWAYS STRONG IN REMEMBERING, UNDERSTANDING, AND LOVING I (part 2): renewed so as to be no longer old, and restored so as to be no longer defaced, and beatified so as to be no longer unhappy. For although it so love itself, that, supposing the alternative to be proposed to it, it would lose all things which it loves less than itself rather than perish; still, by abandoning Him who is above it, in dependence”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 4: Augustine — Anti-Manichaean, Anti-Donatist — CHAP. 22.--FORTITUDE COMES FROM THE LOVE: OF GOD. 40. On fortitude we must be brief. The love, then, of which we speak, which ought · with all sanctity to burn in desire for God, is called temperance, in not seeking for earthly things, and fortitude in bearing the loss of them. But among all things which are possessed in this life, the body is, by God's most righteous laws, for the sin of old, man's heaviest bond, which is well known as a fact but most incomprehensible in its mystery. Lest this bond should be shaken and disturbed, the s”
- Mishneh Torah (Maimonides) (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Mishneh Torah (Maimonides), Mishneh Torah%2C Human Dispositions 6:10: A person is obligated to show great care for orphans and widows because their spirits are very low and their feelings are depressed. 1 These people tend to be oversensitive and the smallest harshness or slight might cause them pain and thus, constitute a transgression of the prohibition mentioned below. This applies even if they are wealthy. We are commanded to [show this attention] even to a king's widow and his orphans 2 In addition to the possibility of financial difficulties which are often experienced by widows and orph”
- Mishneh Torah (Maimonides) (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Mishneh Torah (Maimonides), Mishneh Torah%2C Repentance 10:3: What is the proper [degree] of love? That a person should love God with a very great and exceeding love until his soul is bound up in the love of God. Thus, he will always be obsessed with this love as if he is lovesick. [A lovesick person's] thoughts are never diverted from the love of that woman. He is always obsessed with her; when he sits down, when he gets up, when he eats and drinks. With an even greater [love], the love for God should be [implanted] in the hearts of those who love Him and are obsessed with Him at all times as”