Dealing with Gossiping Christians in Family Gatherings
The New Testament frequently addresses the conduct of believers, particularly concerning speech and interactions within the Christian community and with outsiders. Gossip, while not always explicitly named, falls under broader categories of unwholesome or divisive speech that the apostles warn against.
The Apostle Paul, for instance, expresses concern about those who "trouble you, and would pervert the gospel of Christ" [2]. While this refers to doctrinal issues, it highlights the disruptive nature of certain individuals within a community. In 1 Timothy, Paul advises against speaking "sharp words to one who has authority in the church," advocating instead for respectful communication "as to a father, and to the younger men as to brothers" [1]. This principle of respectful address can be extended to all interactions within the Christian family, including family gatherings.
The early church fathers also emphasized the importance of proper conduct and speech within gatherings. John Chrysostom, in his Homilies on 1 & 2 Corinthians, notes the need for deacons to "oversee the people, that none whisper, or doze, or laugh, or nod" during worship, and to "make silence among them." He even suggests rebuking those who are "talking and jesting with one another even while on their knees" [6]. While this specifically concerns church services, it underscores a broader expectation of decorum and edifying communication among believers.
The concept of "conversation" in the biblical sense often refers to one's entire manner of life and conduct. For example, 1 Peter 2:12 exhorts believers to have their "conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation" [3]. John Gill interprets "honest conversation" as providing "things honest in the sight of men; to live and walk honestly before all; to do those things which are right and honest in the sight of God, and among men" [9]. This applies not only to interactions with non-believers but also within the family, where one's conduct, including speech, should reflect Christian principles.
Family gatherings, in biblical times, were significant events, often connected with public festivals, offerings, or domestic milestones like weddings and birthdays [4]. The Bible emphasizes the importance of families being blessed, taught the Scriptures, worshipping God together, living in unity, and practicing mutual forbearance [5]. Gossip directly undermines these ideals of unity and forbearance.
When serious differences arise between Christians, the New Testament suggests that these should be settled within the community rather than through secular means. Paul states that it is a "scandal for Christians to have to resolve their conflicts in secular courts, as if there were no one in the church sufficiently capable of resolving them" [7]. Adam Clarke, commenting on 1 Corinthians 6:6, argues that "One Christian sues another at law! This is almost as great a scandal as can exist in a Christian society. Those in a religious community who will not submit to a proper arbitration, made by persons among themselves, should be expelled from the Church of God" [8]. While gossip is not a lawsuit, the principle of internal resolution and maintaining peace within the Christian community is relevant.
The Apostle Paul also addresses specific types of disruptive behavior. In 1 Corinthians 5:1, he discusses a case of fornication that was "noised abroad" to the "dishonour, and the reproach of Christians" [10]. Matthew Henry notes that "The heinous sins of professed Christians are quickly noted and noised abroad," and that believers "should walk circumspectly, for many eyes are upon us, and many mouths will be opened against us if we fall into any scandalous practice" [10]. While gossip is distinct from scandalous sin, the concern for the reputation of the Christian community and the impact of negative speech remains pertinent.
Hospitality, a key Christian virtue, is to be offered "without grudging" or "murmuring" [11]. This means not "secretly speaking against the person whom we entertain, or upbraiding him with the favor we have conferred in him" [11]. This principle extends to family gatherings, where hospitality should be offered with genuine love and sincerity, free from critical or gossiping remarks about those present or absent.
Sources
- I Timothy “I Timothy 5:1 (BBE) — Do not say sharp words to one who has authority in the church, but let your talk be as to a father, and to the younger men as to brothers:”
- Galatians “Galatians 1:7 (Webster) — Which is not another; but there are some that trouble you, and would pervert the gospel of Christ.”
- King James Version “[KJV] 1 Peter 2:12 — Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation.”
- Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Entertain — Entertainments, "feasts," were sometimes connected with a public festival (Deut. 16:11, 14), and accompanied by offerings (1 Sam. 9:13), in token of alliances (Gen. 26:30); sometimes in connection with domestic or social events, as at the weaning of children (Gen. 21:8), at weddings (Gen. 29:22; John 2:1), on birth-days (Matt. 14:6), at the time of sheep-shearing (2 Sam. 13:23), and of vintage (Judg. 9:27), and at funerals (2 Sam. 3:35; Jer. 16:7). The guests were invited by servants (Prov. 9:3; Matt. 22:3), who assigned them their respective places (1 Sa”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Families — Of saints blessed -- Ps 128:3-6. Should Be taught the Scriptures. -- De 4:9,10. Worship God together. -- 1Co 16:19. Be duly regulated. -- Pr 31:27; 1Ti 3:4,5,12. Live in unity. -- Ge 45:24; Ps 133:1. Live in mutual forbearance. -- Ge 50:17-21; Mt 18:21,22. Rejoice together before God. -- De 14:26. Deceivers and liars should be removed from -- Ps 101:7. Warning against departing from God -- De 29:18. Punishment of irreligious -- Jer 10:25. Good -- Exemplified Abraham. -- Ge 18:19. Jacob. -- Ge 35:2. Joshua. -- Jos 24:15. David. -- 2Sa 6:20. Job. -- Job 1:5.”
- CCEL/NPNF (Eastern Orthodox) “John Chrysostom, Homilies on 1 & 2 Corinthians: ii. 20. 14: and the Apost. Constit. ii. 57. as quoted by him; “Let the Deacon oversee the people, that none whisper, or doze, or laugh, or nod;” and afterwards in the time of the offering, “Let some of the Deacons observe the people, and make silence among them.” Chrys. Hom. 24. on Acts, says, “Prayer is going on, and here are young persons talking and jesting with one another even while on their knees. Do thou who standest by, young or old, rebuke them, if thou seest it; reprimand them more sharply; if he take it not well, call the Deacon.” ; an”
- 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 6:4: 6:4-6 I am saying this to shame you: It is a scandal for Christians to have to resolve their conflicts in secular courts, as if there were no one in the church sufficiently capable of resolving them.”
- 1 Corinthians (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on 1 Corinthians 6:6: Brother goeth to law with brother - One Christian sues another at law! This is almost as great a scandal as can exist in a Christian society. Those in a religious community who will not submit to a proper arbitration, made by persons among themselves, should be expelled from the Church of God.”
- 1 Peter (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on 1 Peter 2:11: Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles,.... To have the conversation honest, is to provide things honest in the sight of men; to live and walk honestly before all; to do those things which are right and honest in the sight of God, and among men; to order the conversation aright, according to the law of God, which is a rule of walk and conversation, and as becomes the Gospel of Christ; and which was the more, and rather to be attended to, because these converted Jews were "among the Gentiles", that knew not God; idolaters, and unbelievers, profane sinners,”
- 1 Corinthians (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on 1 Corinthians 5:1: Here the apostle states the case; and, I. Lets them know what was the common or general report concerning them, that one of their community was guilty of fornication, Co1 5:1. It was told in all places, to their dishonour, and the reproach of Christians. And it was the more reproachful because it could not be denied. Note, The heinous sins of professed Christians are quickly noted and noised abroad. We should walk circumspectly, for many eyes are upon us, and many mouths will be opened against us if we fall into any scandalous practice. This was not a common”
- 1 Peter (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Peter 4:9: (Rom 12:13; Heb 13:2.) Not the spurious hospitality which passes current in the world, but the entertaining of those needing it, especially those exiled for the faith, as the representatives of Christ, and all hospitality to whomsoever exercised from genuine Christian love. without grudging--Greek, "murmuring." "He that giveth, let him do it with simplicity," that is open-hearted sincerity; with cordiality. Not secretly speaking against the person whom we entertain, or upbraiding him with the favor we have conferred in him.”