Feeling Left Out in Blended Family Situations
The experience of feeling left out, estranged, or desolate is a recurring theme in biblical narratives and theological reflection, often arising from family dynamics, loss, or spiritual separation. The Psalms, for instance, express the pain of estrangement, with the psalmist lamenting, "I have become estranged from my brothers And an alien to my mother's sons" [1]. This sense of being an outsider within one's own family unit resonates with the feelings of being left out.
Biblical texts illustrate various scenarios that can lead to such feelings. The story of Naomi in the book of Ruth highlights the devastating emotional and economic losses she suffered, leaving her "bereft" and without hope for her family's future after the death of her husband and sons [2]. This state of being "bereaved and desolate" is also used by Augustine to describe the human condition when separated from God, likening it to a "widow of Christ, not yet seeing Him whose hel[p]" is needed [3]. This spiritual desolation mirrors the emotional experience of being left out or abandoned.
In blended family situations, or families with complex structures, the potential for individuals to feel neglected or overlooked can be heightened. The prophet Ezekiel condemns a society where "The children do not reverence their parents. Parental affection and filial respect do not exist among you," and where "The stranger is not only not succoured, but he is oppressed. The widows and fatherless are vexed by wrongs and exactions" [4]. This passage points to a breakdown in familial and communal care that can leave vulnerable individuals feeling marginalized. Similarly, the account of Rehoboam's numerous wives and concubines, resulting in "eighty-eight children in the whole," suggests that "children by different women, must be yet in a worse state" due to potential neglect [6]. Such large, complex households could easily foster an environment where some children feel less valued or attended to.
The parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15 illustrates a profound sense of alienation and subsequent realization. The son, having "wholly estranged from home and steeped in selfish gratification," only comes to himself when he is "empty, desolate, withered, perishing," recognizing the peace and plenty of the home he had left [5]. His initial departure and subsequent destitution reflect a self-imposed estrangement, but his eventual return highlights the longing for belonging.
The concept of being "lost" is also connected to neglect, as seen in Matthew's Gospel, where being lost is described as "the result of neglect by their shepherds" [7]. This can be applied metaphorically to family contexts, where a lack of guidance or attention from those in leadership roles can leave individuals feeling adrift and unvalued. Even in prominent families, individuals can feel a profound sense of detachment. Peter, in an apocryphal account, describes his own family situation, noting that while he had many relatives, he "scarcely know either them or our mother, but bear about with me an obscure image of them, as through dreams" [8]. This illustrates that even within a large or well-connected family, a sense of being unknown or disconnected can persist.
Sources
- Psalms “Psalms 69:8 (NASB) — I have become estranged from my brothers And an alien to my mother's sons.”
- Ruth (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ruth 1:5: 1:5 This left Naomi alone (literally the woman was bereft): Naomi suffered devastating emotional losses. She was also without economic support, and with the loss of heirs, she had no hope for the future of her family.”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 1: Augustine — Confessions, Letters — CHAP. XV.--28. There is therefore in us a certain learned ignorance, so to speak--an ignorance which we learn from that Spirit of God who helps our infirmities. For after the apostle said, "If we hope (part 2): bereaved and desolate 469 condition? Whosoever, then, understands that he is in this world bereaved and desolate as long as he is a pilgrim absent from his Lord, is careful to commit his widowhood, so to speak, to his God as his shield in continual and most fervent prayer. Pray, therefore, as a widow of Christ, not yet seeing Him whose hel”
- Ezekiel (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on Ezekiel 22:7: In thee have they set light - The children do not reverence their parents. Parental affection and filial respect do not exist among you. The stranger is not only not succoured, but he is oppressed. The widows and fatherless are vexed by wrongs and exactions.”
- Luke (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Luke 15:17: came to himself--Before, he had been "beside himself" (Ecc 9:3), in what sense will presently appear. How many hired, &c.--What a testimony to the nature of the home he had left! But did he not know all this ere he departed and every day of his voluntary exile? He did, and he did not. His heart being wholly estranged from home and steeped in selfish gratification, his father's house never came within the range of his vision, or but as another name for bondage and gloom. Now empty, desolate, withered, perishing, home, with all its peace, plenty, freedo”
- 2 Chronicles (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on 2 Chronicles 11:21: Eighteen wives and threescore concubines - Bad enough, but not so abandoned as his father. Of these marriages and concubinage the issue was twenty-eight sons and sixty daughters; eighty-eight children in the whole, to the education of the whole of whom he could pay but little attention. Numerous families are often neglected; and children by different women, must be yet in a worse state.”
- Matthew (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Matthew 10:6: 10:6 Being lost is the result of neglect by their shepherds (9:36; 15:24).”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “ANF Vol 8: Twelve Patriarchs, Excerpts, Epistles, Apocrypha, Decretals — CHAP. VIII.--FAMILY HISTORY.: Then Peter inquired, "Are you really, then, alone in your family?" Then I answered, "There are indeed many and great men, being of the kindred of Caesar. Wherefore Caesar himself gave a wife of his own family to my father, who was his foster-brother; and of her three sons of us were born, two before me, who were twins and very like each other, as my father told me. But I scarcely know either them or our mother, but bear about with me an obscure image of them, as through dreams. My mother's na”