Forgiveness Process for Those Who Have Hurt Us

The process of forgiveness, particularly when one has been wronged, is a significant theme in Christian thought, often linked to divine mercy and the nature of reconciliation. Forgiveness is understood as a remission of penalty or guilt, a concept frequently applied to God's pardon of human sin ^{[2, 4]}. However, it also extends to interpersonal relationships, where believers are called to forgive those who have trespassed against them ^{[5, 8]}.

Biblically, the concept of forgiveness is deeply intertwined with God's character. In the Old Testament, Solomon's prayer in 1 Kings 8:50 asks God to "forgive Your people who have sinned against You and all their transgressions" ^[1]. This highlights forgiveness as a divine prerogative, a sovereign act of God ^[4]. The New Testament further develops this, with Jesus teaching his disciples to pray, "forgive us our debts, as we have forgiven our debtors" (Matthew 6:12) ^{[5, 7]}. This petition directly links receiving divine forgiveness to the act of forgiving others ^[5].

The act of forgiving others is not merely a suggestion but is presented as a reflection of a repentant heart that has experienced God's mercy ^[5]. John Chrysostom, an early Church Father, emphasized that not bearing malice and forgiving trespasses are crucial, stating, "Forgive that ye may be forgiven" ^[6]. He also noted that if one condemns another who has sinned, they risk falling into the same fault themselves ^[11]. This perspective suggests that the act of forgiving is as much for the forgiver's spiritual well-being as it is for the one being forgiven.

Theological traditions often distinguish between different aspects of forgiveness. Easton's Bible Dictionary defines "forgiveness of sin" as a constituent part of justification, where God absolves the sinner from condemnation due to Christ's work, removing the guilt of sin ^[2]. This pardon is freely given and frees the sinner from guilt and penalty ^{[2, 4]}. "Reconciliation," on the other hand, is described as a change from enmity to friendship, which can be mutual ^[3]. In the context of God and humanity, reconciliation involves a change in the sinner's character, moving from enmity towards God to trust and love ^[3].

The process of forgiving someone who has hurt us can be understood as mirroring God's forgiveness. Just as God's forgiveness is rooted in mercy ^[10], believers are called to extend mercy. The apostle Paul, in 2 Corinthians 2:10, speaks of forgiving an offender "for your sakes," indicating that forgiveness can be an act that benefits the community and restores relationships ^[9]. John Gill, a Baptist commentator, notes that Jesus specifically emphasized forgiving men their trespasses because the Jewish people were often prone to revenge and found it difficult to forgive injuries ^[8]. This underscores the challenging yet essential nature of interpersonal forgiveness.

While forgiveness is a divine act, it also involves human responsibility. The call to forgive is not contingent on the offender's repentance in all cases, though repentance is often a precursor to full reconciliation. The act of forgiving can be a unilateral decision to release resentment and bitterness, even if the other party does not seek forgiveness or acknowledge their wrong. However, full reconciliation, as described by Easton's Bible Dictionary, implies a mutual change from enmity to friendship ^[3].

Sources

1 Kings “1 Kings 8:50 (NASB) — and forgive Your people who have sinned against You and all their transgressions which they have transgressed against You, and make them objects of compassion before those who have taken them captive, that they may have compassion on them”
Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Forgiveness of sin — One of the constituent parts of justification. In pardoning sin, God absolves the sinner from the condemnation of the law, and that on account of the work of Christ, i.e., he removes the guilt of sin, or the sinner's actual liability to eternal wrath on account of it. All sins are forgiven freely (Acts 5:31; 13:38; 1 John 1:6-9). The sinner is by this act of grace for ever freed from the guilt and penalty of his sins. This is the peculiar prerogative of God (Ps. 130:4; Mark 2:5). It is offered to all in the gospel. (See [219]JUSTIFICATION.)”
Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Reconcilation — A change from enmity to friendship. It is mutual, i.e., it is a change wrought in both parties who have been at enmity. (1.) In Col. 1:21, 22, the word there used refers to a change wrought in the personal character of the sinner who ceases to be an enemy to God by wicked works, and yields up to him his full confidence and love. In 2 Cor. 5:20 the apostle beseeches the Corinthians to be "reconciled to God", i.e., to lay aside their enmity. (2.) Rom. 5:10 refers not to any change in our disposition toward God, but to God himself, as the party reconcile”
Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Pardon — The forgiveness of sins granted freely (Isa. 43:25), readily (Neh. 9:17; Ps. 86:5), abundantly (Isa. 55:7; Rom. 5:20). Pardon is an act of a sovereign, in pure sovereignty, granting simply a remission of the penalty due to sin, but securing neither honour nor reward to the pardoned. Justification (q.v.), on the other hand, is the act of a judge, and not of a sovereign, and includes pardon and, at the same time, a title to all the rewards and blessings promised in the covenant of life.”
Matthew (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Matthew 6:12: 6:12 as we have forgiven (see also 6:14-15; 18:21-35): Forgiving others is a reflection of a repentant, regenerate heart, which makes our own forgiveness possible. Those who have experienced God’s forgiveness will forgive. Jesus implies that those who are unwilling to forgive have not perceived God’s mercy, and perhaps have never truly repented.”
CCEL/NPNF (Eastern Orthodox) “John Chrysostom, Homilies on John & Hebrews: one, not bearing malice; the forgiving all their trespasses. For, it is said, “Man retaineth wrath against man, and yet seeketh healing from the Lord.” ( Ecclus. xxviii. 3 .) “Forgive that ye may be forgiven.” ( Mark xi. 25 .) Also, the converting our brethren from their wandering. For, it is said, 2888 2888 This seems to be an expression of the doctrine of James v. 19, 20 , partially in the language of our Lord, Luke xxii. 33 . [Cf. Acts iii. 19 .] “Go thou, and convert thy brethren, that thy sins may be forgiven thee.” And from one’s being in clos”
Matthew (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Matthew 6:12: And forgive us our debts--A vitally important view of sin, this--as an offense against God demanding reparation to His dishonored claims upon our absolute subjection. As the debtor in the creditor's hand, so is the sinner in the hands of God. This idea of sin had indeed come up before in this discourse--in the warning to agree with our adversary quickly, in case of sentence being passed upon us, adjudging us to payment of the last farthing, and to imprisonment till then (Mat 5:25-26). And it comes up once and again in our Lord's subsequent teaching--a”
Matthew (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Matthew 6:14: For if ye forgive men their trespasses,.... Christ here refers to the petition in Mat 6:12 which is enforced with this reason and argument, "as", or "for", so Luk 11:4 "we forgive our debtors"; which he repeats and explains: and the reason why he singles out this particularly is, because he knew the Jews were a people very subject to revenge; and were very hardly brought to forgive any injuries done them: wherefore Christ presses it upon them closely to "forgive men their trespasses"; all sorts of injuries done them, or offences given them, whether by word or deed; a”
2 Corinthians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 2 Corinthians 2:10: Another encouragement to their taking on themselves the responsibility of restoring the offender. They may be assured of Paul's apostolic sanction to their doing so. for if I forgave anything, to whom I forgave it--The oldest manuscripts read, "For even what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything." for your sakes forgave I it--He uses the past tense, as of a thing already determined on; as in Co1 5:3, "I have judged already"; or, as speaking generally of forgiveness granted, or to be granted. It is for your sakes I have forgiven, and d”
Hebrews (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Hebrews 8:12: For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness,.... That is, sin; for all unrighteousness is sin, being contrary to the justice of God, and his righteous law: and the phrase is expressive of God's forgiveness of it, which is a very considerable article of the covenant of grace; mercy is the spring and original of pardon; it is what God delights in, and therefore he pardons freely; it is large and abundant, and hence he pardons fully; and this lays a foundation for hope in sensible sinners: and the way and means, in and by which God pardons, is the propitiatory sacri”
CCEL/NPNF (Eastern Orthodox) “John Chrysostom, Homilies on John & Hebrews: our Master in those matters in which we desire our domestics to yield to us? This I say because of your readiness to inflict punishment one upon another. The truly wise man ought not to do this even, but to pardon and forgive offenses, though there were not that great reward proposed, the receiving in return forgiveness. For, tell me, if thou condemnest one who hath sinned, wherefore dost thou sin thyself, and fall into the same fault? Hath he insulted? Insult not thou again, or thou hast insulted thyself. Hath he struck? Strike not thou again, for ”

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