Friendship Expectations for Born-Again Believers in Scripture
Scripture addresses friendship among believers not as an optional social nicety but as an expectation rooted in the new birth and the mutual indwelling of Christ in his people. The New Testament consistently frames Christian relationships in familial and covenantal terms, with friendship emerging as both a spiritual reality and a moral obligation.
The Foundation: Brotherly Love as Command
The writer of Hebrews issues a direct imperative: "Let brotherly love remain" [2]. This is not advice but command, presupposing that regenerate believers already possess this love and must actively maintain it. The verb "remain" suggests continuity—what has been established through the new birth must be preserved through intentional effort. Paul similarly instructs believers that they are to be "mutually encouraged by each other's faith" [4], indicating that Christian friendship is not merely emotional affinity but a reciprocal strengthening grounded in shared trust in Christ.
The apostle John models this expectation in his third epistle, where he writes of hoping to "have talk with you face to face," sending greetings from "your friends here" and asking that his love be given to "our friends by name" [3]. The specificity—naming friends individually—reveals that early Christian communities understood friendship as particular, not abstract. These were not generic well-wishes but bonds between identifiable persons who knew one another's faith and character.
Friendship as Spiritual Kinship
Charles Hodge argues that the attributes and promises ascribed to the Church in Scripture "belong to true believers alone" and that believers uniquely sustain the relation to God and Christ as "children and heirs of God" [8]. This familial identity creates the context for Christian friendship. Believers are not merely individuals who happen to share religious opinions; they are siblings in a household, sharing a common Father and a common inheritance. Hodge elsewhere notes that believers are "the children of God, not merely as his rational creatures" but through regeneration, a work of "almighty power" [10]. This supernatural kinship precedes and grounds the expectation of friendship.
Aquinas describes charity as "not only the love of God, but also a certain friendship with Him; which implies, besides love, a certain mutual return of love, together with mutual communion" [11]. If the believer's relationship with God is itself characterized as friendship—mutual, communicative, involving reciprocal love—then horizontal friendships among believers participate in that same quality. The vertical friendship with God does not replace but rather enables and shapes the horizontal friendships among his children.
The Duty of Showing Oneself Friendly
Matthew Henry, commenting on Proverbs 18:24, insists that "we must show ourselves friendly" if we would "have friends and keep them" [6]. This involves not only refraining from offense but actively loving through "all expressions that are endearing," through hospitality, and through "doing all the good offices we can" [6]. John Gill applies this spiritually, noting that a believer "is a man of friends" who has received friendship from God and therefore must return it, lest he be "guilty of great ingratitude" [15]. The logic is covenantal: having been befriended by God, the believer is obligated to befriend others.
Proverbs 27:6 adds a corrective dimension: "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; although the kisses of an enemy are profuse" [1]. True friendship among believers includes the willingness to speak difficult truths, to correct and be corrected. This expectation assumes a level of trust and commitment that transcends mere pleasantness. The friend who wounds faithfully is contrasted with the enemy whose kisses are abundant but hollow. Christian friendship, then, is marked by truthfulness even when costly, not by flattery or avoidance.
Friendship and the Lord's Supper
Hodge observes that in the Lord's Supper, "believers are thus united to Christ and to one another" [14]. The sacrament is intended for believers and presupposes sincerity in the profession of discipleship [14]. Those who partake "do thereby profess to be his disciples," and if sincere, "they receive the inestimable gifts which it is intended to convey" [14]. The communal meal is not merely a vertical act of remembrance but a horizontal act of fellowship. Participation in the one loaf signifies participation in the one body, binding believers to one another in visible, covenantal friendship.
Hodge further notes that worthy participation requires self-examination "of their knowledge to discern the Lord's body, of their faith to feed upon Him, of their repentance, love, and new obedience" [9]. The inclusion of "love" in this list indicates that the relational dimension—love for Christ and for fellow believers—is integral to the sacrament's meaning. To come to the table is to affirm not only one's own faith but one's place in a community of mutual love.
Reconciliation and Mutual Friendship
Easton's Bible Dictionary defines reconciliation as "a change from enmity to friendship" that is "mutual, i.e., it is a change wrought in both parties who have been at enmity" [5]. While the primary reference is to reconciliation with God, the principle applies to relationships among believers. Paul's exhortation to the Corinthians to "be reconciled to God" [5] implies laying aside enmity and yielding "full confidence and love" [5]. Jamieson, Fausset, and Brown note that the word translated "atonement" in Romans 5:11 is better rendered "reconciliation," signifying "the reconciliation of two estranged parties" [13]. Believers who have been reconciled to God are expected to live in reconciliation with one another, maintaining the friendship that flows from their shared standing before God.
The Contrast with Temporary Faith
Hodge distinguishes between true believers and those who exhibit "temporary faith," a state induced by "common operations of the Spirit" that may lead to "reformation, and to an externally religious life" but lacks the regenerating work that produces genuine spiritual life [12]. Such persons may appear friendly and participate in Christian community, but their faith "disappears" when trials come [12]. The expectation of friendship in Scripture, then, is not merely behavioral but rooted in the reality of the new birth. Tyndale House notes that believers "have been 'born again'" and are to crave "pure spiritual milk" [7], indicating that the new nature produces new desires, including the desire for fellowship with other believers.
The expectation of friendship among born-again believers is thus both indicative and imperative: it flows from the new nature imparted in regeneration and is commanded as an ongoing duty. Believers are to maintain brotherly love, to show themselves friendly, to encourage one another in faith, and to participate together in the sacraments as visible expressions of their union with Christ and with each other.
Sources
- Proverbs “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; although the kisses of an enemy are profuse. -- Proverbs 27:6”
- Hebrews “Hebrews 13:1 (YLT) — Let brotherly love remain;”
- III John “III John 1:14 (BBE) — But I am hoping to see you in a short time, and to have talk with you face to face. May you have peace. Your friends here send you their love. Give my love to our friends by name.”
- Romans “Romans 1:12 (BSB) — that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith.”
- Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Reconcilation — A change from enmity to friendship. It is mutual, i.e., it is a change wrought in both parties who have been at enmity. (1.) In Col. 1:21, 22, the word there used refers to a change wrought in the personal character of the sinner who ceases to be an enemy to God by wicked works, and yields up to him his full confidence and love. In 2 Cor. 5:20 the apostle beseeches the Corinthians to be "reconciled to God", i.e., to lay aside their enmity. (2.) Rom. 5:10 refers not to any change in our disposition toward God, but to God himself, as the party reconcile”
- Proverbs (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Proverbs 18:24: Solomon here recommends friendship to us, and shows, 1. What we must do that we may contract and cultivate friendship; we must show ourselves friendly. Would we have friends and keep them, we must not only not affront them, or quarrel with them, but we must love them, and make it appear that we do so by all expressions that are endearing, by being free with them, pleasing to them, visiting them and bidding them welcome, and especially by doing all the good offices we can and serving them in every thing that lies in our power; that is showing ourselves friendly.”
- 1 Peter (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Peter 2:2: 2:2 Believers, who have been “born again” (1:23), are to be like newborn babies in naturally and regularly craving pure spiritual milk. Elsewhere in the New Testament, milk (in contrast to solid food) stands for elementary Christian teaching (1 Cor 3:2; Heb 5:12-13). This does not imply that Peter’s readers are new believers, however; here, it probably refers to God’s word in general.”
- CCEL (Reformed (Old Princeton)) “Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology, Vol. 1, section 38: the Spirit, so that the gates of hell should not prevail against them — he means his sincere or his nominal disciples, — believers or unbelievers? These questions admit of but one answer. The attributes ascribed to the Church in Scripture belong to true believers alone. The promises made to the Church are fulfilled only to believers. The relation in which the Church stands to God and 138 Christ is sustained alone by true believers. They only are the children and heirs of God; they only are the body of Christ in which He dwells by his Spir”
- CCEL (Reformed (Old Princeton)) “Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology, Vol. 3, section 68: this sacrament demands should exist in the heart, without producing supreme love and gratitude to Christ, and the fixed purpose to forsake all sin and to live devoted to his service. Our Church, therefore, teaches that it is required of them who would worthily partake of the Lord’s Supper, that they examine themselves, of their knowledge to discern the Lord’s body, of their faith to feed upon Him, of their repentance, love, and new obedience. It is, however, not to be inferred from this that a man must be assured that he is a true believe”
- CCEL (Reformed (Old Princeton)) “Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology, Vol. 2, section 140: always declared to be God’s work, his peculiar work, and a work of his mighty power, analogous to that which He wrought in Christ, when He raised Him from the dead; as it is declared to be a making alive, an opening of the eyes, and an unstopping the ears; then, when it is also called a new creation, we are bound to understand that term as containing a new assertion that it is a work of almighty power. Another common Scriptural representation leads to the same conclusion. Believers are the children of God, not merely as his rational crea”
- theology (Catholic (Scholastic)) “Aquinas, Summa Theologica, First Part of the Second Part (Prima Secundae), Of the Connection of Virtues, Art. 5: Article: Whether charity can be without faith and hope? I answer that, Charity signifies not only the love of God, but also a certain friendship with Him; which implies, besides love, a certain mutual return of love, together with mutual communion, as stated in Ethic. viii, 2. That this belongs to charity is evident from 1 Jn. 4:16: "He that abideth in charity, abideth in God, and God in him," and from 1 Cor. 1:9, where it is written: "God is faithful, by Whom you are called unto th”
- CCEL (Reformed (Old Princeton)) “Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology, Vol. 2, section 138: and the sinner relapses into his wonted state of insensibility, his faith disappears. To this class of persons our Saviour refers when He speaks of those who receive the Word in stony places or among thorns. Of such examples of temporary faith there are numerous instances given in the Scriptures, and they are constantly occurring within our daily observation. In the third place, the state of mind induced by these common operations of the Spirit, often leads to reformation, and to an externally religious life. The sense of the truth and i”
- Romans (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Romans 5:11: And not only so, but we also joy--rather, "glory." in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by--"through" whom we have now received the atonement--rather, "the reconciliation" (Margin), as the same word is rendered in Rom 5:10 and in Co2 5:18-19. (In fact, the earlier meaning of the English word "atonement" was "the reconciliation of two estranged parties") [TRENCH]. The foregoing effects of justification were all benefits to ourselves, calling for gratitude; this last may be termed a purely disinterested one. Our first feeling towards God, after we h”
- CCEL (Reformed (Old Princeton)) “Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology, Vol. 3, section 68: all admit that in the Lord’s Supper believers are thus united to Christ and to one another. Qualifications for the Lord’s Supper. It is plain from the preceding account of the nature and design of this sacrament, that it is intended for believers; and that those who come to the table of the Lord do thereby profess to be his disciples. If sincere in this profession, they receive the inestimable gifts which it is intended to convey. If insincere, they eat and drink judgment to themselves. The Apostle, therefore, argues that as those who par”
- Proverbs (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Proverbs 18:24: A man that hath friends must show himself friendly,.... Friendship ought to be mutual and reciprocal, as between David and Jonathan; a man that receives friendship ought to return it, or otherwise he is guilty of great ingratitude. This may be spiritually applied; a believer is "a man of friends" (b), as it may be rendered; he has many friends: God is his friend, as appears by his early love to him, his choice of him, and provisions of grace for him; by sending his son to save him; by visiting him, not only in a way of providence, but of grace; by disclosing his se”