Hating Family Members in Christian Discipleship
The command to "hate" family members in Christian discipleship, found in Luke 14:26, presents a challenging statement from Jesus: "If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be My disciple" [1]. This passage does not advocate for literal animosity towards one's family, as such hatred is explicitly forbidden elsewhere in Scripture and contradicts the broader ethical teachings of Christianity [2]. Instead, interpreters understand this "hatred" as a comparative term, emphasizing the supreme priority of allegiance to Christ.
The concept of "hatred" in this context is best understood as a radical reordering of affections and loyalties. John Gill explains that Jesus is not enjoining "proper hatred" of family members, as this would violate divine laws and fundamental principles of love [5]. Rather, the demand is for a love for Christ that is so profound that, by comparison, one's love for family appears as hatred [5]. Augustine of Hippo grappled with this apparent contradiction, noting that Jesus commands both love for enemies and this comparative "hatred" of family [4]. He suggests that these commands do not contradict each other when properly understood, though their practical application can be difficult [4].
This reorientation of priorities means that no earthly relationship, not even the most intimate family bond, should supersede one's commitment to Jesus Christ. The call to discipleship requires an absolute devotion that places Christ above all other loves and loyalties. If family relationships, or even one's own life, become obstacles to following Christ, they must be relativized. This is a call to detachment from anything that would hinder one's primary allegiance to God.
The broader biblical understanding of hatred clarifies this interpretation. Hatred is consistently condemned as a sin throughout the Old and New Testaments. It is forbidden in Leviticus 19:17 and Colossians 3:8, identified as a "work of the flesh" in Galatians 5:20, and equated with murder in 1 John 3:15 [2]. Furthermore, hatred is incompatible with the knowledge and love of God (1 John 2:9, 11; 4:20) [2]. The wicked are characterized by their hatred towards God, saints, and each other [2]. Therefore, Jesus' command in Luke 14:26 cannot be advocating for literal hatred, which would contradict these fundamental ethical principles.
Instead, the language reflects a Semitic idiom where "to hate" can mean "to love less" or "to prefer less." This is evident in other biblical passages, such as Jacob's relationship with Leah and Rachel, where it is said that Jacob "hated" Leah, meaning he loved her less than Rachel (Genesis 29:31-33). The demand for discipleship is thus one of ultimate allegiance: Christ must be loved supremely, to the extent that all other loves pale in comparison.
This radical call to discipleship often involves a tension between earthly ties and divine calling. Throughout Christian history, believers have faced situations where their commitment to Christ has put them at odds with their families. This can manifest in various ways, such as choosing to follow Christ despite family disapproval, making vocational choices that diverge from family expectations, or prioritizing Christian community and mission over familial demands. The passage underscores that when such conflicts arise, the disciple's loyalty to Christ must take precedence.
The concept of "hating one's own life" in Luke 14:26 further emphasizes this radical self-denial. It signifies a willingness to surrender one's own desires, ambitions, and even self-preservation for the sake of Christ and the Gospel. This aligns with other teachings of Jesus about taking up one's cross and losing one's life to find it (Matthew 16:24-25). Selfishness, which is contrary to God's law and Christ's example, is condemned in Scripture [3]. The disciple is called to live not for themselves, but for Christ who died for them (2 Corinthians 5:15) [3].
The early Church Fathers also addressed the nature of hatred. Tertullian admonished the faithful not to harbor hatred towards their brethren, stating that such hatred is impious [6]. Augustine noted that some individuals, such as "luxurious children," might hate their parents for restraining their excesses, indicating a disordered love [8]. Thomas Aquinas, in his Summa Theologica, considered hatred of one's neighbor a grievous sin, particularly because it represents a disorder of the will, which is the root of sin [7]. These patristic and scholastic views reinforce the idea that literal hatred is antithetical to Christian ethics.
Therefore, the command in Luke 14:26 is not an endorsement of malice or ill-will towards family members. Rather, it is a hyperbolic expression designed to convey the absolute and unparalleled commitment required of a true disciple of Jesus Christ. It demands a love for Christ that is so singular and intense that all other loves, no matter how natural or strong, must be subordinate to it. This radical prioritization ensures that nothing—not even the closest human relationships—can compete with or obstruct one's devotion to God.
Sources
- Luke “Luke 14:26 (BSB) — “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be My disciple.”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Hatred — Forbidden -- Le 19:17; Col 3:8. Is murder -- 1Jo 3:15. A work of the flesh -- Ga 5:20. Often cloaked by deceit -- Pr 10:18; 26:26. Leads to deceit -- Pr 26:24,25. Stirs up strife -- Pr 10:12. Embitters life -- Pr 15:17. Inconsistent with The knowledge of God. -- 1Jo 2:9,11. The love of God. -- 1Jo 4:20. Liars prone to. -- Pr 26:28. The wicked exhibit Towards God. -- Ro 1:30. Towards saints. -- Ps 25:19; Pr 29:10. Towards each other. -- Tit 3:3. Christ experienced -- Ps 35:19; Joh 7:7; 15:18,24,25. Saints should Expect. -- Mt 10:22; Joh 15:18,19. Not marvel a”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Selfishness — Contrary to the law of God -- Le 19:18; Mt 22:39; Jas 2:8. The example of Christ condemns -- Joh 4:34; Ro 15:3; 2Co 8:9. God hates -- Mal 1:10. Exhibited in Being lovers of ourselves. -- 2Ti 3:2. Pleasing ourselves. -- Ro 15:1. Seeking our own. -- 1Co 10:33; Php 2:21. Seeking after gain. -- Isa 56:11. Seeking undue precedence. -- Mt 20:21. Living to ourselves. -- 2Co 5:15. Neglect of the poor. -- 1Jo 3:17. Serving God for reward. -- Mal 1:10. Performing duty for reward. -- Mic 3:11. Inconsistent with Christian love -- 1Co 13:5. Inconsistent with communi”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 6: Augustine — Homilies on the Gospels — CHAP. XV.--40. But it is rather that statement which the Lord Himself makes in another passage which is wont to disturb the minds of the little ones, who nevertheless earnestly desire to live now acco (part 1): 18 a man may love his enemies, and hate his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brothers ! For He commands both things who calls us to the kingdom of heaven. And how these things do not contradict each other, it is easy to show under His guidance; but after they have been understood, it is difficult to carry them out, althou”
- Luke (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Luke 14:25: If any man come to me,.... Not in a corporeal, but in a spiritual way; nor barely to hear him preach; but so come, as that he believes in him, applies to him for grace, pardon, righteousness, life, and salvation; professes to be his, submits to his ordinances, and desires to be a disciple of his; and hate not his father and mother, and wife and children, and brethren and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple: not that proper hatred of any, or all of these, is enjoined by Christ; for this would be contrary to the laws of God, to the first princ”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “ANF Vol 4: Tertullian IV, Minucius Felix, Commodian, Origen — XLVII. TO THE FAITHFUL.: I admonish the faithful not to hold their brethren in hatred. Hatreds are accounted impious by martyrs for the flame. The martyr is destroyed whose confession is of such kind; nor is it taught that the evil is expiated by the shedding of blood. A law is given to the unjust man that he may restrain himself. Thence he ought to be free from craft; so also oughtest thou. Twice dost thou sin against God, if thou extendest strifes to thy brother; whence thou shalt not avoid sin following thy former courses. Thou h”
- theology (Catholic (Scholastic)) “Aquinas, Summa Theologica, Second Part of the Second Part (Secunda Secundae), Of Hatred, Art. 4: Article: Whether hatred of our neighbor is the most grievous sin against our neighbor? I answer that, Sins committed against our neighbor are evil on two counts; first by reason of the disorder in the person who sins, secondly by reason of the hurt inflicted on the person sinned against. On the first count, hatred is a more grievous sin than external actions that hurt our neighbor, because hatred is a disorder of man's will, which is the chief part of man, and wherein is the root of sin, so that if”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 6: Augustine — Homilies on the Gospels — CHAP. XXI.--69. In the next place, He goes on to say, "Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy: But I say unto you, Love your enemies, do good to t (part 1): 70. That there is, however, a certain step [in advance] in the righteousness of the Pharisees, which belongs to the old law, is perceived from this consideration, that many men hate even those by whom they are loved; as, for instance, luxurious children hate their parents for restraining them in their luxury. That than therefore rises a”