Helping Wives Love Their Husbands According to Scripture
The Apostle Paul, in his letter to Titus, instructs older women to "train the young women to love their husbands, to love their children" [1]. This command highlights the importance of wives' love for their husbands as a foundational aspect of Christian family life. The concept of a wife's love for her husband is presented in Scripture as a duty and a virtue, often alongside other responsibilities within marriage [3].
Biblical passages emphasize mutual love and respect within marriage, though the specific expressions of these are often delineated for husbands and wives. For wives, loving their husbands is presented as a direct command [1, 3]. This love is to be accompanied by reverence and submission [3]. The early church fathers also underscored this, with Clement of Alexandria noting that a wife should honor her husband "as her own flesh" and not presume to address him by name, viewing him as her only partner according to God's will [10]. Similarly, Lactantius encouraged wives to "be subject to your own husbands, and have them in esteem, and serve them with fear and love, as holy Sarah honoured Abraham" [7].
While wives are called to love their husbands, husbands are likewise commanded to love their wives, often with a specific parallel to Christ's love for the Church [2, 4]. Ephesians 5:25 states, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her" [2]. This comparison sets a high standard for husbands, implying a sacrificial and self-giving love [9, 13]. John Gill describes this love as consisting of "a strong and cordial affection for them; in a real delight and pleasure in them; in showing respect, and doing honour to them; in seeking their contentment, satisfaction, and pleasure; in a quiet, constant, and comfortable dwelling with them; in providing all things necessary for them; in protecting them from all injuries and abuses; in concealing their faults, and covering their infirmities; in entertaining the best opinion of their persons and actions; and in endeavouring to promote their spiritual good and welfare" [6]. Adam Clarke further elaborates that this love means husbands should be willing to lay down their lives for their wives, and actively promote their salvation and edification [9].
The New Testament epistles frequently address the reciprocal duties of husbands and wives. Colossians 3:19, for instance, immediately follows an exhortation for wives to submit with a command for husbands to love their wives [8]. This interconnectedness suggests that the love of a wife for her husband and the love of a husband for his wife are integral to a healthy, God-honoring marriage [11]. Augustine highlights that while husbands are given the high pattern of Christ's love for the Church, they are also exhorted to love their wives "as their own bodies," indicating both a higher and a lower, yet still good, motivation for love [12]. The Jamieson, Fausset & Brown commentary on Ephesians 5:28 emphasizes this bodily unity, stating, "He that loveth his wife loveth himself" [14].
Beyond love, other duties for wives include reverence, faithfulness, submission, and obedience [3]. Wives are also encouraged to adorn themselves with modesty, sobriety, a meek and quiet spirit, and good works, rather than merely outward ornaments [3]. The ordinance of marriage itself, sanctioned in Paradise, established monogamy as the original law, though polygamy later became prevalent in Jewish history [5]. The legal rights and duties of wives are specified in various Old Testament passages, such as Proverbs 31:10-31 and 1 Timothy 5:14 [5]. The overall biblical teaching presents a comprehensive view of marriage where both partners have distinct yet complementary roles, with love forming the core of their relationship [11].
Sources
- Titus “that they may train the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, -- Titus 2:4”
- Ephesians “Ephesians 5:25 (BSB) — Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Wives — Not to be selected from among the ungodly -- Ge 24:3; 26:34,35; 28:1. Duties of, to their husbands To love them. -- Tit 2:4. To reverence them. -- Eph 5:33. To be faithful to them. -- 1Co 7:3-5,10. To be subject to them. -- Ge 3:16; Eph 5:22,24; 1Pe 3:1. To obey them. -- 1Co 14:34; Tit 2:5. To remain with them for life. -- Ro 7:2,3. Should be adorned Not with ornaments. -- 1Ti 2:9; 1Pe 3:3. With modesty and sobriety. -- 1Ti 2:9. With a meek and quiet spirit. -- 1Pe 3:4,5. With good works. -- 1Ti 2:10; 5:10. Good Are from the Lord. -- Pr 19:14. Are a token of ”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Husbands — Should have but one wife -- Ge 2:24; Mr 10:6-8; 1Co 7:2-4. Have authority over their wives -- Ge 3:16; 1Co 11:3; Eph 5:23. Duty of, to wives To respect them. -- 1Pe 3:7. To love them. -- Eph 5:25-33; Col 3:19. To regard them as themselves. -- Ge 2:23; Mt 19:5. To be faithful to them. -- Pr 5:19; Mal 2:14,15. To dwell with them for life. -- Ge 2:24; Mt 19:3-9. To comfort them. -- 1Sa 1:8. To consult with them. -- Ge 31:4-7. Not to leave them, though unbelieving. -- 1Co 7:11,12,14,16. Duties of, not to interfere with their duties to Christ -- Lu 14:26; Mt 19”
- Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Wife — The ordinance of marriage was sanctioned in Paradise (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:4-6). Monogamy was the original law under which man lived, but polygamy early commenced (Gen. 4:19), and continued to prevail all down through Jewish history. The law of Moses regulated but did not prohibit polygamy. A man might have a plurality of wives, but a wife could have only one husband. A wife's legal rights (Ex. 21:10) and her duties (Prov. 31:10-31; 1 Tim. 5:14) are specified. She could be divorced in special cases (Deut. 22:13-21), but could not divorce her husband. Divorce wa”
- Ephesians (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Ephesians 5:23: Husbands, love your wives,.... Which consists in a strong and cordial affection for them; in a real delight and pleasure in them; in showing respect, and doing honour to them; in seeking their contentment, satisfaction, and pleasure; in a quiet, constant, and comfortable dwelling with them; in providing all things necessary for them; in protecting them from all injuries and abuses; in concealing their faults, and covering their infirmities; in entertaining the best opinion of their persons and actions; and in endeavouring to promote their spiritual good and welfare”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “ANF Vol 7: Lactantius, Venantius, Asterius, Victorinus, Dionysius — HOW WIVES OUGHT TO BE SUBJECT TO THEIR OWN HUSBANDS, AND HUSBANDS OUGHT TO LOVE THEIR OWN WIVES.: XXXIX. Ye wives, be subject to your own husbands, and have them in esteem, and serve them with fear and love, as holy Sarah honoured Abraham. For she could not endure to call him by his name, but called him lord, when she said, "My lord is old."(14) In like manner, ye husbands, love your own wives as your own members, as partners in life, and fellow-helpers for the procreation of children. For says He, "Rejoice with the wife of th”
- Colossians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Colossians 3:19: 3:19 The exhortation to wives to submit to their husbands is immediately followed by a command to the husbands to love their wives (see also Eph 5:25-30; 1 Pet 3:7).”
- Ephesians (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on Ephesians 5:25: Husbands, love your wives - Here is a grand rule, according to which every husband is called to act: Love your wife as Christ loved the Church. But how did Christ love the Church? He gave himself for it - he laid down his life for it. So then husbands should, if necessary, lay down their lives for their wives: and there is more implied in the words than mere protection and support; for, as Christ gave himself for the Church to save it, so husbands should, by all means in their power, labor to promote the salvation of their wives, and their constant edification in”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “ANF Vol 1: Clement, Polycarp, Ignatius, Barnabas, Papias, Justin Martyr, Irenaeus — CHAP. IX.--DUTIES OF HUSBANDS, WIVES, PARENTS,: AND CHILDREN. Let the husbands love their wives, remembering that, at the creation, one woman, and not many, was given to one man. Let the wives honour their husbands, as their own flesh; and let them not presume to address them by their names.(17) Let them also be chaste, reckoning their husbands as their only partners, to whom indeed they have been united according to the will of God. Ye parents, impart a holy training to your children. Ye children, "honour your”
- Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:22: 5:22-33 Christian wives are to submit to their husbands, showing them respect. Equally important, Christian husbands are to love their wives (see Col 3:18-19). Christian marriages become a reflection of the union and relationship between the Lord and the church. 5:22 Submission is part of the life to which the wives’ Christian commitment calls them (see 1 Cor 11:3-10; 14:34-35; Col 3:18; 1 Tim 2:11-12; Titus 2:5; 1 Pet 3:1-6).”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 3: Augustine — On the Holy Trinity — ON CONTINENCE. (part 23): to love their own wives, he added a pattern, "As Christ loved the Church." But husbands he exhorted to it from a lower matter also, that is, from their own body: not only from a higher, that is, from their Lord. 389 For he not only saith, "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the Church," which is from an higher: but he said also, "Husbands ought to love their own wives, as their own bodies," which is from a lower: because both higher and lower are all good. And yet the woman received not pattern from the body,”
- Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:25: 5:25-33 Christian husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loved the church—that is, sacrificially, for Christ gave up his life for her (5:2; cp. Col 3:19; 1 Pet 3:7).”
- Ephesians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Ephesians 5:28: Translate, "So ought husbands also (thus the oldest manuscripts read) to love their own (compare Note, see on Eph 5:22) wives as their own bodies." He that loveth his wife loveth himself--So there is the same love and the same union of body between Christ and the Church (Eph 5:30, Eph 5:32).”