Jealousy in Marriage When Husband Favors Child Over Spouse
Biblical texts and subsequent theological traditions address jealousy primarily in the context of marital fidelity, particularly concerning a wife's suspected adultery [1, 2, 7]. The "law of jealousies" in Numbers 5 outlines a ritual for a husband who suspects his wife of infidelity, involving a "jealousy offering" and "waters of jealousy" to determine her guilt or innocence [3, 4, 6]. This law was intended to deter adultery, preserve the community's purity, and provide a divine judgment in cases of suspicion [6]. The Midrash Rabbah interprets this law as a perpetual statute, linking it to divine jealousy against idol worship [5, 9].
While the biblical concept of jealousy often pertains to sexual infidelity, it also encompasses intense concern for another's honor or prosperity [2]. In the context of marriage, jealousy can arise from perceived favoritism, as seen in the account of Hannah and Peninnah, where Peninnah's provocation stemmed from jealousy over Elkanah's affection for Hannah [12]. Similarly, Rachel's demand for children, driven by envy and jealousy toward Leah, highlights how the desire for privileges or affection can lead to destructive emotions within a marital relationship [14].
Augustine, in his writings on marriage, discusses the purpose of marital intercourse, noting that while procreation is a primary good, even the desire for carnal pleasure within marriage, if not solely for procreation, can be considered a venial sin, though distinct from the "disease of desire" found among Gentiles [10, 11, 13]. Aquinas further defines adultery as an offense against chastity and the good of human procreation, specifically "access to another's marriage-bed," which introduces a "spurious breed" into the family [8, 7].
The biblical and theological discussions of jealousy in marriage primarily focus on the husband's suspicion of the wife's fidelity and the broader implications of infidelity for the family and community. While the specific scenario of a husband favoring a child over a spouse is not directly addressed in the "law of jealousies," the broader theme of jealousy arising from perceived unequal affection or privilege within a family unit is evident in narratives like those of Hannah and Rachel [12, 14].
Sources
- Numbers “Numbers 5:29 (KJV) — This is the law of jealousies, when a wife goeth aside to another instead of her husband, and is defiled;”
- Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Jealousy — Suspicion of a wife's purity, one of the strongest passions (Num. 5:14; Prov. 6:34; Cant. 8:6); also an intense interest for another's honour or prosperity (Ps. 79:5; 1 Cor. 10:22; Zech. 1:14).”
- Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Jealousy offering — The name of the offering the husband was to bring when he charged his wife with adultery (Num. 5:11-15).”
- Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Jealousy, Waters of — Water which the suspected wife was required to drink, so that the result might prove her guilt or innocence (Num. 5:12-17, 27). We have no record of this form of trial having been actually resorted to.”
- Midrash Rabbah (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Midrash Rabbah, Bamidbar Rabbah 9:49: “This is the law of jealousy when a woman will stray while married to her husband, and become defiled” (Numbers 5:29). “This is the law of jealousy [ hakenaot ]” – so said the Holy One blessed be He: This law of zealotry [ kenaot ] vis-à-vis idol worship will exist forever. Just as the Holy One blessed be He exacted punishment upon the worshippers of the calf with jealousy, so he will exact retribution against them throughout the generations. Likewise, it says: “They incensed Me [ kinuni ] with a non-god, angered Me with their vanities” (Deuteronomy 32:21)”
- Numbers (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Numbers 5:29: This is the law of jealousies,.... Which was appointed by God to deter wives from adultery, and preserve the people of Israel, the worshippers of him, from having a spurious brood among them; and to keep husbands from being cruel to their wives they might be jealous of, and to protect virtue and innocence, and to detect lewdness committed in the most secret manner; whereby God gave proof of his omniscience, that he had knowledge of the most private acts of uncleanness, and was the avenger of all such. The reasons why such a law was not made equally in favour of women”
- Numbers (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Numbers 5:11: We have here the law concerning the solemn trial of a wife whose husband was jealous of her. Observe, I. What was the case supposed: That a man had some reason to suspect his wife to have committed adultery, Num 5:12-14. Here, 1. The sin of adultery is justly represented as an exceedingly sinful sin; it is going aside from God and virtue, and the good way, Pro 2:17. It is committing a trespass against the husband, robbing him of his honour, alienating his right, introducing a spurious breed into his family to share with his children in his estate, and violating h”
- theology (Catholic (Scholastic)) “Aquinas, Summa Theologica, Second Part of the Second Part (Secunda Secundae), Of the Parts of Lust, Art. 8: Article: Whether adultery is determinate species of lust, distinct from the other species? I answer that, Adultery, as its name implies, "is access to another's marriage-bed [ad alienum torum]" [*Cf. Append. Gratian, ad can. Ille autem. xxxii, qu. 1]. By so doing a man is guilty of a twofold offense against chastity and the good of human procreation. First, by accession to a woman who is not joined to him in marriage, which is contrary to the good of the upbringing of his own children. S”
- Midrash Rabbah (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Midrash Rabbah, Bamidbar Rabbah 9:26: “This is the law of jealousy when a woman will stray while married to her husband, and become defiled” (Numbers 5:29). “This is the law of jealousy” – I have derived only for the present; for all generations, from where is it derived? The verse states: “This is the law of jealousy [ hakenaot ]” 105 The use of the plural indicates that the law applies in several places. – the jealous man [ hamekaneh ] shall warn [ yekaneh ] in Shilo and in the eternal Temple. Is it, perhaps, at private altars, as well? The verse states: “This [ zot ].” 106 Zot is a restrict”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 3: Augustine — On the Holy Trinity — ON THE GOOD OF MARRIAGE. (part 13): not alone for the begetting of children, and, at times, not at all for the begetting of children; and it is not that marriage forces this to take place, but that it procures pardon for it; provided however it be not so in excess as to hinder what ought to be set aside as seasons of prayer, nor be changed into that use which is against nature, on which the Apostle could not be silent, when speaking of the excessive corruptions of unclean and impious men. For necessary sexual intercourse for begetting is free from”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 5: Augustine — Anti-Pelagian — CHAP. 9 [VIII.]--THIS DISEASE OF CONCUPISCENCE IN MARRIAGE IS NOT TO BE A MATTER OF WILL, BUT OF NECESSITY; WHAT OUGHT TO BE THE WILL OF BELIEVERS IN THE USE OF MATRIMONY; WHO IS TO BE REGARDED AS USI (part 1): This disease of concupiscence is what the apostle refers to, when, speaking to married believers, he says: "This is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: that every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; not in the disease of desire, even as the Gentiles which k”
- 1 Samuel (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Samuel 1:6: her adversary also provoked her sore--The conduct of Peninnah was most unbecoming. But domestic broils in the houses of polygamists are of frequent occurrence, and the most fruitful cause of them has always been jealousy of the husband's superior affection, as in this case of Hannah.”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 5: Augustine — Anti-Pelagian — CHAP. 17 [XV.]--WHAT IS SINLESS IN THE USE OF MATRIMONY? WHAT IS ATTENDEDWITH VENIAL SIN, AND WHAT WITH MORTAL?: It is, however, one thing for married persons to have intercourse only for the wish to beget children, which is not sinful: it is another thing for them to desire carnal pleasure in cohabitation, but with the spouse only, which involves venial sin. For although propagation of offspring is not the motive of the intercourse, there 271 is still no attempt to prevent such propagation, either by wrong desire or evil appliance. They who resort to t”
- Genesis (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on Genesis 30:1: Give me children, or else I die - This is a most reprehensible speech, and argues not only envy and jealousy, but also a total want of dependence on God. She had the greatest share of her husband's affection, and yet was not satisfied unless she could engross all the privileges which her sister enjoyed! How true are those sayings, Envy is as rottenness of the bones! and, Jealousy is as cruel as the grave!”