Lack of Intimacy in Romantic Relationships
A lack of intimacy in romantic relationships is depicted in various biblical texts, often highlighting the consequences of emotional distance, unfulfilled expectations, or the absence of genuine affection. The Song of Solomon, for instance, portrays the "torment of separation" experienced by a woman from her beloved, even if only in a dream, underscoring the pain of lost intimacy after a period of union [7].
The Bible also illustrates instances where outward displays of affection lack true intimacy. The act of kissing, typically a sign of endearment, is shown to be sometimes disingenuous, as seen in the account of Joab kissing Amasa, which was not always a sincere greeting [3]. Similarly, the absence of a kiss of salutation in Luke 7:45 can indicate a lack of love or respect [1].
Emotional distance and conflict can severely impact marital intimacy. Proverbs suggests that "unbridled passions embitter and spoil the comfort of all relations," leading to a lack of joy in the union when spouses are not "one spirit" [4]. The text even states that it is "better to dwell in a solitary wilderness" than with a "peevish and provoking" spouse, emphasizing the destructive nature of such conflict on intimacy [4].
Beyond romantic relationships, the concept of love growing cold is also applied to spiritual intimacy. The church in Revelation is admonished for losing its "first love" for Christ and for each other, indicating that even correct theology and actions become "an empty shell" if dynamic love is absent [2]. This suggests that a decline in genuine affection can affect various forms of relationship.
In some cases, societal norms or personal circumstances can contribute to a lack of intimacy. The limited social interaction between young men and women in Eastern cultures, even after betrothal, as noted in Judges 14:7, could naturally lead to less developed emotional intimacy before marriage [8]. Furthermore, the "wasting and vexatious" nature of unlawful passion, as seen in Amnon's desire for Tamar, highlights how guilt and the impossibility of innocent gratification can lead to a destructive lack of true intimacy [5]. Even in matters of religious duty, the Bible instructs that piety and duty must overcome affection or compassion, even towards close relatives, if they entice one to idolatry, demonstrating a prioritization that can override relational bonds [6].
Sources
- Luke (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Luke 7:45: no kiss--of salutation. How much love was here? Any at all?”
- Revelation (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Revelation 2:4: 2:4 You don’t love me or each other as you did at first: When the church was first established, their love for Christ and for each other had been strong. Struggles with false teachers and persecution had caused that original love to grow cold. Correct theology, action, and even suffering (2:2-3) are just an empty shell of Christian life if dynamic love is absent (1 Cor 13).”
- 2 Samuel (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 2 Samuel 20:9: 20:9 to kiss him: This affectionate greeting was not always genuine (cp. 14:33).”
- Proverbs (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Proverbs 21:19: Note, 1. Unbridled passions embitter and spoil the comfort of all relations. A peevish angry wife makes her husband's life uneasy, to whom she should be a comfort and a meet help. Those cannot dwell in peace and happiness that cannot dwell in peace and love. Even those that are one flesh, if they be not withal one spirit, have no joy of their union. 2. It is better to have no company than bad company. The wife of thy covenant is thy companion, and yet, if she be peevish and provoking, it is better to dwell in a solitary wilderness, exposed to wind and weather, ”
- 2 Samuel (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on 2 Samuel 13:2: Amnon was so vexed - for she was a virgin - It has been well remarked that "the passion of love is nowhere so wasting and vexatious, as where it is unlawful. A quick sense of guilt, especially where it is enormous, as in the present instance, strikes the soul with horror; and the impossibility of an innocent gratification loads that horror with desperation: a conflict too cruel and too dreadful for human bearing." - Delaney.”
- Deuteronomy (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Deuteronomy 13:6: WITHOUT REGARD TO NEARNESS OF RELATION. (Deu 13:6-18) If thy brother . . . entice thee secretly--This term being applied very loosely in all Eastern countries (Gen 20:13), other expressions are added to intimate that no degree of kindred, however intimate, should be allowed to screen an enticer to idolatry, to conceal his crime, or protect his person. Piety and duty must overcome affection or compassion, and an accusation must be lodged before a magistrate.”
- Song of Solomon (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Song of Solomon 5:2: 5:2–6:3 One verse earlier, the couple are fully enjoying their intimate union. Now the woman feels the torment of separation. In the dramatic interpretation, the woman has been separated from the man twice before and has searched for him (1:4-7; 3:1-4). This last time, the separation takes place in her dreams—it is only a nightmare. Her dream seems to extend to 6:3, given the natural flow of questions and answers between the woman and the young women of Jerusalem. • If the Song is an anthology, these poems explore love rather than giving accounts of actual”
- Judges (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Judges 14:7: he went down, and talked with the woman--The social intercourse between the youth of different sexes is extremely rare and limited in the East, and generally so after they are betrothed.”