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Love as Motivation for Submission in Marriage Relationships

Christian teaching on marriage emphasizes love as a foundational motivation for the roles and responsibilities within the relationship, particularly concerning the submission of wives and the sacrificial love of husbands [4, 13]. Marriage itself is presented as a divine institution, established in Paradise before the fall (Genesis 2:18-24) and later confirmed by Christ (Matthew 19:4-5) [1]. It is intended for human happiness, the propagation of humanity, and the raising of godly offspring (Genesis 1:28; Malachi 2:15) [3].

The New Testament epistles provide specific instructions regarding the conduct of husbands and wives, often framing these within the broader context of mutual submission among believers [7, 11]. Ephesians 5:21 states, "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" [11]. This general principle of mutual submission serves as a foundation for the more specific instructions that follow concerning marital roles [7, 11].

For wives, the instruction is to "submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord" (Ephesians 5:22). This submission is not presented as a one-sided command but is immediately followed by a corresponding command to husbands [6, 8]. The Tyndale House commentary on Ephesians notes that this submission is part of the Christian commitment for wives, drawing parallels to other passages like 1 Corinthians 11:3-10 and Colossians 3:18 [6]. In 1 Peter 3:1, wives are exhorted to submit to their husbands "so that even if some refuse to believe the word, they will be won over without words by the behavior of their wives" [2]. This passage highlights a missional aspect of a wife's submission, suggesting that her respectful conduct can be a powerful witness to an unbelieving husband [9]. The concept of submission in the ancient world often implied obedience, and Peter's instruction to wives includes acknowledging the husband as the head of the relationship, while also expecting the husband to be loving and respectful [9].

For husbands, the command is to "love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25) [4]. This is a call to sacrificial love, mirroring Christ's ultimate act of self-giving [13]. The Tyndale House commentary on Ephesians 5:25-33 emphasizes that this love is sacrificial, as Christ gave his life for the church [13]. This command to husbands to love their wives is often presented immediately after the instruction for wives to submit, underscoring the reciprocal nature of these marital duties [8]. The love commanded for husbands is not merely an emotion but an active principle, taught by God and exemplified by Christ (John 13:34; Ephesians 5:2) [5].

The relationship between a husband and wife is often depicted as a reflection of the union between Christ and the Church [6, 10]. The Jamieson, Fausset & Brown commentary on Ephesians 5:22 states that the Church's relationship to Christ is the "foundation and archetype" for the husband-wife relationship [10]. This theological framework elevates the marital bond beyond a mere social contract, imbuing it with spiritual significance.

The concept of love in marriage also extends to physical intimacy. 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 instructs married Christians to be considerate of their spouses' sexual needs, emphasizing that sexual intimacy is a mutual right and that authority over one's body is yielded to one's spouse within marriage [12]. This mutual yielding, however, is not to be abused [12].

While the New Testament passages address the roles of wives and husbands, they do so within an overarching framework of Christian love and mutual respect [6, 11]. The general instruction to "submit to one another" (Ephesians 5:21) sets the stage for the specific marital directives, indicating that love and respect should characterize all relationships among believers [11]. This mutual submission is described as a "yielding and of a submissive spirit," where individuals do not dominate one another but are ready to fulfill their respective duties [7]. The emphasis on love as the motivation for these roles is crucial, transforming what might otherwise be seen as hierarchical commands into expressions of self-giving and care within a covenant relationship [3, 4, 13].

Sources

  1. Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Marriage — Was instituted in Paradise when man was in innocence (Gen. 2:18-24). Here we have its original charter, which was confirmed by our Lord, as the basis on which all regulations are to be framed (Matt. 19:4, 5). It is evident that monogamy was the original law of marriage (Matt. 19:5; 1 Cor. 6:16). This law was violated in after times, when corrupt usages began to be introduced (Gen. 4:19; 6:2). We meet with the prevalence of polygamy and concubinage in the patriarchal age (Gen. 16:1-4; 22:21-24; 28:8, 9; 29:23-30, etc.). Polygamy was acknowledged in the Mosa”
  2. I Peter “I Peter 3:1 (BSB) — Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your husbands, so that even if they refuse to believe the word, they will be won over without words by the behavior of their wives”
  3. Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Marriage — Divinely instituted -- Ge 2:24. A covenant relationship -- Mal 2:4. Designed for The happiness of man. -- Ge 2:18. Increasing the human population. -- Ge 1:28; 9:1. Raising up godly seed. -- Mal 2:15. Preventing fornication. -- 1Co 7:2. The expectation of the promised seed of the woman an incentive to, in the early age -- Ge 3:15; 4:1. Lawful in all -- 1Co 7:2,28; 1Ti 5:14. Honourable for all -- Heb 13:4. Should be only in the Lord -- 1Co 7:39. Expressed by Joining together. -- Mt 19:6. Making affinity. -- 1Ki 3:1. Taking to wife. -- Ex 2:1. Giving daughte”
  4. Ephesians “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it; -- Ephesians 5:25”
  5. Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Love to Man — Is of God -- 1Jo 4:7. Commanded by God -- 1Jo 4:21. Commanded by Christ -- Joh 13:34; 15:12; 1Jo 3:23. After the example of Christ -- Joh 13:34; 15:12; Eph 5:2. Taught by God -- 1Th 4:9. Faith works by -- Ga 5:6. A fruit of the Spirit -- Ga 5:22; Col 1:8. Purity of heart leads to -- 1Pe 1:22. Explained -- 1Co 13:4-7. Is an active principle -- 1Th 1:3; Heb 6:10. Is an abiding principle -- 1Co 13:8,13. Is the second great commandment -- Mt 22:37-39. Is the end of the commandment -- 1Ti 1:5. Supernatural gifts are nothing without -- 1Co 13:1,2. The greates”
  6. Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:22: 5:22-33 Christian wives are to submit to their husbands, showing them respect. Equally important, Christian husbands are to love their wives (see Col 3:18-19). Christian marriages become a reflection of the union and relationship between the Lord and the church. 5:22 Submission is part of the life to which the wives’ Christian commitment calls them (see 1 Cor 11:3-10; 14:34-35; Col 3:18; 1 Tim 2:11-12; Titus 2:5; 1 Pet 3:1-6).”
  7. Ephesians (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Ephesians 5:21: Here the apostle begins his exhortation to the discharge of relative duties. As a general foundation for these duties, he lays down that rule Eph 5:21. There is a mutual submission that Christians owe one to another, condescending to bear one another's burdens: not advancing themselves above others, nor domineering over one another and giving laws to one another. Paul was an example of this truly Christian temper, for he became all things to all men. We must be of a yielding and of a submissive spirit, and ready to all the duties of the respective places and st”
  8. Colossians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Colossians 3:19: 3:19 The exhortation to wives to submit to their husbands is immediately followed by a command to the husbands to love their wives (see also Eph 5:25-30; 1 Pet 3:7).”
  9. 1 Peter (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Peter 3:1: 3:1-7 The last of Peter’s three exhortations about accepting authority (2:13–3:7) concerns wives and husbands (cp. Eph 5:21-33; Col 3:18-19). 3:1 accept the authority of (literally submit to): Wives are instructed to acknowledge that God has appointed the husband as head of the relationship (see 2:13; Eph 5:22-25). Submission in the ancient world took the form of obedience (see 1 Pet 3:6). God also intends the husband to be a loving and respectful head (3:7; see Eph 5:25-30). However, Peter focuses especially on wives with pagan husbands who would potentially be h”
  10. Ephesians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Ephesians 5:22: (Eph 6:9.) The Church's relation to Christ in His everlasting purpose, is the foundation and archetype of the three greatest of earthly relations, that of husband and wife (Eph 5:22-33), parent and child (Eph 6:1-4), master and servant (Eph 6:4-9). The oldest manuscripts omit "submit yourselves"; supplying it from Eph 5:21, "Ye wives (submitting yourselves) unto your own husbands." "Your own" is an argument for submissiveness on the part of the wives; it is not a stranger, but your own husbands whom you are called on to submit unto (compare Gen 3:16”
  11. Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:21: 5:21–6:9 Paul gives specific instructions on how believers are to relate to one another in a Christian home (see also Col 3:18–4:1; 1 Pet 2:18–3:7). Love and respect are to characterize all relationships in the body of Christ as an expression of believers’ commitment to the Lord himself. 5:21 And further, submit to one another: The verb form links it with the command to be filled (5:18). This general instruction (cp. Phil 2:3) applies to all three relationships that Paul discusses: wives and husbands (Eph 5:22-33), children and their parents (6:1-4), and slaves”
  12. 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 7:3: 7:3-4 Because of the temptation to sexual immorality, married Christians must always be considerate of the sexual needs of their spouses. Sexual intimacy is a mutual right for both spouses in a marriage and must not be withheld. Marriage includes yielding the authority over one’s body to one’s spouse, though such authority is clearly not to be abused.”
  13. Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:25: 5:25-33 Christian husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loved the church—that is, sacrificially, for Christ gave up his life for her (5:2; cp. Col 3:19; 1 Pet 3:7).”
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