Loving Friends with Insecurities and Unrealistic Expectations
Loving Friends with Insecurities and Unrealistic Expectations
Loving friends who have insecurities and unrealistic expectations can be challenging, as it requires balancing empathy with the need to maintain healthy boundaries. According to Augustine, true friendship is rooted in a deep affection that endures despite the challenges and uncertainties of life [1]. However, he also notes that even among good friends, there can be a lack of complete understanding and security, as "we frequently mistake a friend for an enemy, and an enemy for a friend" [4].
The biblical wisdom literature offers guidance on cultivating and maintaining friendships. Matthew Henry, commenting on Proverbs 17:17, emphasizes the importance of constancy in friendship, noting that a true friend "loveth at all times" and remains committed even in adversity [5]. Similarly, John Gill observes that a genuine friend continues to love and support their companion through both prosperity and hardship [6].
However, friends can also be a source of pain and disappointment, particularly when they fail to meet our expectations. Job's experience is a case in point, as his friends, who were supposed to be his comforters, instead became his "tormentors" [2]. This highlights the need for friends to be aware of their own limitations and to communicate openly with one another.
In navigating the complexities of friendships, it is essential to recognize that even the most well-intentioned friends can sometimes be distant or unresponsive, as seen in the case of those who "stand aloof from [one's] sore" [3]. Nevertheless, the cultivation of empathy, understanding, and open communication can help to build strong and resilient friendships.
Sources
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 1: Augustine — Confessions, Letters — CHAP. III. -- 6. I am not acquainted with the writings speaking injuriously of you, which you tell me have come into Africa.. I have, however, received the reply to these which you have been pleased t (part 4): in the manner in which I ought: for I do not wonder that we are less thoroughly known to each other than we are to our most close and intimate friends. Upon the love of such friends I readily cast myself without reservation, especially when chafed and wearied by the scandals of this world; and in their love I rest without any disturbing ca”
- Job (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Job 6:14: Eliphaz had been very severe in his censures of Job; and his companions, though as yet they had said little, yet had intimated their concurrence with him. Their unkindness therein poor Job here complains of, as an aggravation of his calamity and a further excuse of his desire to die; for what satisfaction could he ever expect in this world when those that should have been his comforters thus proved his tormentors? I. He shows what reason he had to expect kindness from them. His expectation was grounded upon the common principles of humanity (Job 6:14): "To him that i”
- Psalms (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Psalms 38:10: My lovers and my friends stand aloof from my sore,.... As if it was a plague sore, lest they should be infected with it; or because they could not bear the stench of his wounds, and the loathsomeness of his disease, or to see him in his agonies, and hear his roaring and his groans, Psa 38:2; or as taking his case to be desperate, as if he was just dying, and no help could be given him, Psa 38:10; If it was the leprosy, as some Jewish writers have affirmed, the word translated "sore", being used for the plague of the leprosy, they were obliged by the ceremonial law to”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 2: Augustine — City of God, Christian Doctrine — CHAP. 8.--THAT THE FRIENDSHIP OF GOOD MEN CANNOT BE SECURELY RESTED IN, SO LONG AS THE DANGERS OF THIS LIFE FORCE US TO BE ANXIOUS. (part 1): In our present wretched condition we frequently mistake a friend for an enemy, and an enemy for a friend. And if we escape this pitiable blindness, is not the unfeigned confidence and mutual love of true and good friends our one solace in human society, filled as it is with misunderstandings and calamities? And yet the more friends we have, and the more widely they are scattered, the more numerou”
- Proverbs (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Proverbs 17:17: This intimates the strength of those bonds by which we are bound to each other and which we ought to be sensible of. 1. Friends must be constant to each other at all times. That is not true friendship which is not constant; it will be so if it be sincere, and actuated by a good principle. Those that are fanciful or selfish in their friendship will love no longer than their humour is pleased and their interest served, and therefore their affections turn with the wind and change with the weather. Swallow-friends, that fly to you in summer, but are gone in winter;”
- Proverbs (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Proverbs 17:17: A friend loveth at all times,.... A true, hearty, faithful friend, loves in times of adversity as well as in times of prosperity: there are many that are friends to persons, while they are in affluent circumstances; but when there is a change in their condition, and they are stripped of all riches and substance; than their friends forsake them, and stand at a distance from them; as was the case of Job, Job 19:14; it is a very rare thing to find a friend that is a constant lover, such an one as here described; and a brother is born for adversity; for a time of adv”