Marital Intimacy and Privacy in Public Contexts
Biblical texts and interpretive traditions suggest that marital intimacy is generally understood as a private matter, often taking place within the confines of the home. This understanding extends to various aspects of marital life, including sexual relations and spousal communication.
The concept of privacy in marital intimacy is evident in rabbinic commentary on Psalms 128:3, which suggests that "it is customary to have marital relations in secret" [5]. This interpretation further advises that if a wife is menstruating, she should be placed "into the innermost parts of your house so that you will not become accustomed to being with her," reinforcing the idea of privacy surrounding marital relations and related practices [5].
Beyond the physical act of intimacy, the principle of privacy also appears in discussions of spousal communication. In 1 Corinthians 14:35, women are instructed that "if they have a desire for knowledge about anything, let them put questions to their husbands privately: for talking in the church puts shame on a woman" [1]. Commentaries on this passage emphasize that questions should be directed to "your own particular (so the Greek) husbands" at home, rather than publicly [4]. This instruction is seen as preventing an "act of independence" that would contradict the expected submission of wives to their husbands, as referenced in other Pauline epistles and even Genesis 3:16 [7, 6]. The public questioning by women in church was considered "indecorous" [4].
The New Testament also addresses the mutual sexual needs within marriage, emphasizing that sexual intimacy is a "mutual right for both spouses" and should not be withheld [2]. This authority over one's body is yielded to the spouse, though it is not to be abused [2]. While this passage in 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 does not explicitly discuss privacy, the context of marital relations inherently implies a private sphere.
The broader biblical understanding of privacy extends to other areas of life, such as prayer and secret actions. Jesus instructs his followers to pray in their "closet" or "chamber" and to "shut thy door," emphasizing the importance of private devotion over public display [9]. Similarly, Jesus warns that "whatsoever ye have spoken in darkness... shall be heard in the light; and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets... shall be proclaimed upon the housetops" [8]. These passages, while not directly about marital intimacy, underscore a general biblical recognition of private and public spheres, where certain actions are appropriately confined to secrecy.
In cases of suspected infidelity, the private nature of marital intimacy becomes particularly relevant. For instance, in Numbers 5:13, a scenario is described where a man suspects his wife of having "lie[d] with her carnally," but this act "be hid from the eyes of her husband, and be kept close" [3]. The lack of witnesses to the defilement highlights the expectation that such acts occur in private [3].
Overall, both explicit instructions and implicit assumptions within biblical and rabbinic texts suggest that marital intimacy, including sexual relations and certain forms of spousal communication, is primarily understood as a private matter to be conducted within the home and away from public view.
Sources
- I Corinthians “I Corinthians 14:35 (BBE) — And if they have a desire for knowledge about anything, let them put questions to their husbands privately: for talking in the church puts shame on a woman.”
- 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 7:3: 7:3-4 Because of the temptation to sexual immorality, married Christians must always be considerate of the sexual needs of their spouses. Sexual intimacy is a mutual right for both spouses in a marriage and must not be withheld. Marriage includes yielding the authority over one’s body to one’s spouse, though such authority is clearly not to be abused.”
- Numbers (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Numbers 5:13: And a man lie with her carnally,.... That is, is suspected that he has so done, not that it is a clear case, for it follows: and it be hid from the eyes of her husband, and be kept close; so that it is not known by her husband, nor by any other; "she hath hid herself", so Ainsworth, being in a private place with another man, though warned to the contrary by her husband: and she be defiled, and there be no witness against her; of her being defiled, though there may be of her being in private with such a man: neither she be taken with the manner; or in the act of”
- 1 Corinthians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Corinthians 14:35: Anticipation of an objection. Women may say, "But if we do not understand something, may we not 'ask' a question publicly so as to 'learn'? Nay, replies Paul, if you want information, 'ask' not in public, but 'at home'; ask not other men, but 'your own particular (so the Greek) husbands.'" shame--indecorous.”
- Sefaria (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Rashi (Rabbi Shlomo Yitzchaki) on Psalms 128:3: in the innermost parts of your house Because it is customary to have marital relations in secret. Another explanation: in the innermost parts If your wife is menstruating, put her into the innermost parts of your house so that you will not become accustomed to being with her.”
- 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 14:34: 14:34-35 This aside in the discussion on using spiritual gifts reflects a perspective on women’s roles similar to that of the Pastoral Letters (see 1 Tim 2:11-15). • Paul advises women to be silent and submissive in church meetings. This instruction is to be understood in light of 1 Cor 11:5, which clearly implies that women are permitted to pray and prophesy publicly. • just as the law says: Possibly referring to Gen 3:16.”
- 1 Corinthians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Corinthians 14:34: (Ti1 2:11-12). For women to speak in public would be an act of independence, as if they were not subject to their husbands (compare Co1 11:3; Eph 5:22; Tit 2:5; Pe1 3:1). For "under obedience," translate, "in subjection" or "submission," as the Greek is translated (Eph 5:21-22, Eph 5:24). the law--a term applied to the whole Old Testament; here, Gen 3:16.”
- Luke (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Luke 12:3: Therefore whatsoever ye have spoken in darkness,.... In the most private manner, to one another: shall be heard in the light; which makes all things manifest, the day shall declare it: and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets; whispered to persons in their bedchambers, and places of the most secret retirement; shall be proclaimed upon the housetops; declared in the most public manner: in Mat 10:27 these words are so expressed, as to carry in them such a sense as this; that what was told the disciples by Christ, in the most private place and way, should ”
- Matthew (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Matthew 6:6: But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet,.... Or "chamber", a secret place, fit for private retirement, meditation, and prayer. And when thou hast shut thy door; see some such like phrases in Isa 26:20 where they are used to express security, here secrecy. Our Lord does not mean to exclude and condemn public prayer, in joining with few, or more persons, in such service; for he himself directs to it, and approves of it, Mat 18:19 but his view is to instruct persons that they should not only pray in public, but in private also; and especially the latter, whi”