Marriage to a Narcissistic Husband and Financial Dependence
Marriage to a narcissistic husband presents challenges that Scripture addresses through its teaching on marital roles, the effects of sin on relationships, and the purpose of marriage itself. Genesis establishes that God created woman as a companion and "help meet" for man [8], intending marriage to provide partnership and mutual support. The fall, however, introduced antagonism into this relationship: "you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you" [1]. This curse describes not God's ideal design but the distortion sin brings to marriage, where power struggles replace harmony.
The question of financial dependence compounds these difficulties. John Chrysostom addresses the anxiety of losing a spouse who provided material support, acknowledging the legitimate grief of being "left destitute of support" and "having lost my protector" [2]. Yet he consistently warns against making wealth the foundation of marital security. He counsels against seeking "abundance of wealth" in a spouse, arguing that prioritizing financial considerations over virtue inverts proper values [5]. His concern is that dependence on money itself becomes a form of bondage, where one "lives under a master, namely wealth" [6].
Scripture calls wives to submit to their own husbands [4], a command rooted in creation order rather than cultural accident. Yet this submission occurs within the framework of mutual Christian obligation—the passage introducing this instruction compares it to servants' duties and connects it to Christ's example of suffering [4]. The fall's curse of "humble subjection" [3] describes a broken reality, not the redeemed pattern. Paul indicates that new life in Christ allows for restoration of the marriage relationship according to God's original design [1].
For a wife facing narcissistic behavior and financial control, the tradition offers no simple escape clause but does affirm several principles: marriage was designed for companionship and mutual support, not domination; the effects of sin distort this design; and financial anxiety, while real, should not become the governing concern. Chrysostom's pastoral counsel emphasizes that "there is nothing in life that is to be feared, save only offending against God" [7], suggesting that neither financial insecurity nor relational difficulty should eclipse obedience to Christ as the primary consideration.
Sources
- Genesis (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Genesis 3:16: 3:16 Judgment falls on the woman’s unique role of childbearing and on her relationship with her husband. • And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you: The marriage relationship now included an element of antagonism rather than just security and fulfillment. New life in Christ allows for the restoration of a man and a woman’s marriage relationship (Eph 5:18-32; cp. Matt 20:25-28).”
- CCEL/NPNF (Eastern Orthodox) “John Chrysostom, Homilies on Galatians–Colossians–Thessalonians: him? He was displaying, you say, good hopes, and I was expecting that he would be my supporter. On this account I miss my husband, on this account my son, on this account I wail and lament, not disbelieving the Resurrection, but being left destitute of support, and having lost my protector, my companion, who shared with me in all things—my comforter. On this account I mourn. I know that he will rise again, but I cannot bear the intermediate separation. A multitude of troubles rushes in upon me. I am exposed to all who are willing”
- Genesis (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Genesis 3:16: unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow--She was doomed as a wife and mother to suffer pain of body and distress of mind. From being the help meet of man and the partner of his affections [Gen 2:18, Gen 2:23], her condition would henceforth be that of humble subjection.”
- 1 Peter (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Peter 3 (introduction): RELATIVE DUTIES OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES: EXHORTATIONS TO LOVE AND FORBEARANCE: RIGHT CONDUCT UNDER PERSECUTIONS FOR RIGHTEOUSNESS' SAKE, AFTER CHRIST'S EXAMPLE, WHOSE DEATH RESULTED IN QUICKENING TO US THROUGH HIS BEING QUICKENED AGAIN, OF WHICH BAPTISM IS THE SACRAMENTAL SEAL. (1Pe. 3:1-22) Likewise--Greek, "In like manner," as "servants" in their sphere; compare the reason of the woman's subjection, Co1 11:8-10; Ti1 2:11-14. your own--enforcing the obligation: it is not strangers ye are required to be subject to. Every time that obedien”
- CCEL/NPNF (Eastern Orthodox) “John Chrysostom, Homilies on Galatians–Colossians–Thessalonians: source. “For they that desire to be rich, fall into a temptation and a snare, and many foolish and hurtful lusts, and into destruction and perdition.” ( 1 Tim. vi. 9 .) Seek not therefore in thy wife abundance of wealth, and thou shalt find everything else go well. Who, tell me, would overlook the most important things, to attend to those which are less so? And yet, alas! this is in every case our feeling. Yes, if we have a son, we concern ourselves not how he may be made virtuous, but how we may get him a rich wife; not how he m”
- CCEL/NPNF (Eastern Orthodox) “John Chrysostom, Homilies on 1 & 2 Corinthians: and with great security, and that he values himself more than it. Which then is the pleasanter; to enjoy what one has with freedom, or to live under a master, namely wealth, and not dare to touch a single thing even of one’s own? Why, it seemeth to me to be much the same as if any two men, having wives and loving them exceedingly, were not upon the same terms with them; but the one were allowed the presence and intercourse of his wife, the other not even permitted to come near his. There is another thing which I wish to mention, indicating the pl”
- CCEL/NPNF (Eastern Orthodox) “John Chrysostom, Homilies on Galatians–Colossians–Thessalonians: men; and yet how they spent their lives, in hunger and in thirst. Teach her that there is nothing in life that is to be feared, save only offending against God. If any marry thus, with these views, he will be but little inferior to monks; the married but little below the unmarried. If thou hast a mind to give dinners, and to make entertainments, let there be nothing immodest, nothing disorderly. If thou shouldest find any poor saint able to bless your house, able only just by setting his foot in it to bring in the whole blessing ”
- Genesis (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Genesis 2:18: THE MAKING OF WOMAN, AND INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE. (Gen 2:18-25) it is not good for the man to be alone--In the midst of plenty and delights, he was conscious of feelings he could not gratify. To make him sensible of his wants,”