Navigating Church Opposition and Boundary Violations in Courtship
The New Testament indicates that following Christ can create divisions within families, as Jesus states, "For I came to set at variance—a man, against, his father, and, a daughter, against, her mother, and, a bride, against, her mother-in-law" (Matthew 10:35, Rotherham) [1]. This suggests that adherence to Christian principles, including those related to marriage and relationships, may sometimes lead to opposition from family members or the broader community.
Christian teaching on marriage emphasizes its divine institution and permanence. The Mosaic law permitted divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1-4), but Jesus limited its allowance to cases of adultery (Matthew 5:31-32; 19:1-9) [2, 3]. This stricter view regulates divorce within the Christian Church [2]. Charles Hodge, in his Systematic Theology, notes that if civil law conflicts with divine law regarding divorce, the divine law must take precedence. one tradition argues that a person divorced on non-Scriptural grounds who remarries should not be received into church fellowship, and a minister should not solemnize such a marriage [4].
The Church, as a visible society, is dedicated to God and His service, and the covenant of grace subsists between God and this visible Church [7]. The "spouse of Christ cannot be adulterous; she is uncorrupted and pure" [9]. This purity extends to the sanctity of marriage within the Church. While the Church contains both faithful and unfaithful members, "the Lord knoweth them that are His" [6].
Regarding specific marital situations, Hodge addresses cases where one partner is a Christian and the other an unbeliever. Such marriages are considered lawful and should not be dissolved. However, if the unbelieving partner "depart," meaning they repudiate the marriage, the believing partner is no longer bound by the marriage covenant [5]. This desertion is considered a final separation, akin to death, which dissolves the marriage bond, unlike other issues such as incompatibility, cruelty, or disease [8]. The Church's stance on marriage, therefore, provides a framework for navigating relationships, even when faced with external opposition or difficult circumstances.
Sources
- Matthew “Matthew 10:35 (Rotherham) — For I came to set at variance—a man, against, his father, and, a daughter, against, her mother, and, a bride, against, her mother-in-law;”
- Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Divorce — The dissolution of the marriage tie was regulated by the Mosaic law (Deut. 24:1-4). The Jews, after the Captivity, were reguired to dismiss the foreign women they had married contrary to the law (Ezra 10:11-19). Christ limited the permission of divorce to the single case of adultery. It seems that it was not uncommon for the Jews at that time to dissolve the union on very slight pretences (Matt. 5:31, 32; 19:1-9; Mark 10:2-12; Luke 16:18). These precepts given by Christ regulate the law of divorce in the Christian Church.”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Divorce — Law of marriage against -- Ge 2:24; Mt 19:6. Permitted By the Mosaic law. -- De 24:1. On account of hardness of heart. -- Mt 19:8. Often sought by the Jews -- Mic 2:9; Mal 2:14. Sought on slight grounds -- Mt 5:31; 19:3. Not allowed to those who falsely accused their wives -- De 22:18,19. Women Could obtain. -- Pr 2:17; Mr 10:12. Could marry after. -- De 24:2. Responsible for vows after. -- Nu 30:9. Married after, could not return to first husband. -- De 24:3,4; Jer 3:1. Afflicted by. -- Isa 54:4,6. Priests not to marry women after -- Le 21:14. Of servants,”
- CCEL (Reformed (Old Princeton)) “Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology, Vol. 3, section 49: the action of the state conflicts with that law, such action must be disregarded. If a person be divorced on other than Scriptural grounds and marries again, such person cannot consistently be received to the fellowship of the Church. If a minister be called upon to solemnize the marriage of a person improperly divorced, he cannot, in consistency with his allegiance to Christ, perform the service. This conflict between the civil and divine law is a great evil, and has often, especially in Prussia, given rise to great difficulty. As all de”
- CCEL (Reformed (Old Princeton)) “Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology, Vol. 3, section 49: woman’s leaving her husband, which do not justify a dissolution of the marriage bond. With regard to those cases in which one of the parties was a Christian and the other an unbeliever, he teaches, first, that such marriages are lawful, and, therefore, ought not to be dissolved. But, secondly, that if the unbelieving partner depart, i.e ., repudiates the marriage, the believing partner is not bound; i.e ., is no longer bound by the marriage compact. This seems to be the plain meaning. If the unbelieving partner is willing to continue in t”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 4: Augustine — Anti-Manichaean, Anti-Donatist — CHAP. 13.--20. There is therefore "no fellowship between righteousness and unrighteousness,"(7) not only without, but also within the Church; for "the Lord knoweth them that are His," and "Let every o: 456 unrighteousness justify,"(1) as Cyprian again says, I ask, how could those men baptize within the very Church herself ? I ask, how could those vessels which the large house contains not to honor, but to dishonor, administer what is holy for the sanctifying of men within the great house itself, unless because that holiness of the sacra”
- CCEL (Reformed (Old Princeton)) “Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology, Vol. 3, section 64: an external profession of the doctrines of the Gospel, and subjection to the laws and ordinances of Christ, appear as a society separated from the world, and dedicated to God and his service. In this view, in the present imperfect state, the Church comprehends branches that are withered, as well as those that bear fruit. Now the covenant of grace subsists between the blessed God and the Church, as such a visible Society, 567 567 To this sentence Mr. Blair appends the following note: “In no other way can we conceive the covenant to subsist”
- CCEL (Reformed (Old Princeton)) “Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology, Vol. 3, section 49: Why does death dissolve a marriage? It is because it is a final separation. So is desertion. Incompatibility of temper, cruelty, disease, crime, insanity, etc., which human laws often make grounds of divorce, are not inconsistent with the marriage relation. A woman may have a disagreeable, a cruel, or a wicked husband, but a man in his grave, or one who refuses to recognize her as his wife, cannot be her husband. It is said, indeed, that this doctrine makes marriage depend on the option of the parties. Either may desert the other; and the”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “ANF Vol 5: Hippolytus, Cyprian, Caius, Novatian — ON THE UNITY OF THE CHURCH.(1) (part 5): is everywhere diffused, nor is the unity of the body separated. Her fruitful abundance spreads her branches over the whole world. She broadly expands her rivers, liberally flowing, yet her head is one, her source one; and she is one mother, plentiful in the results of fruitfulness: from her womb we are born, by her milk we are nourished, by her spirit we are animated. 6. The spouse of Christ cannot be adulterous; she is uncorrupted and pure. She knows one home; she guards with chaste modesty the sanctity”