Navigating Mother's Influence on Wedding Planning Traditions
The influence of a mother in wedding planning traditions is evident across various historical and religious contexts, often reflecting her role in family lineage, social customs, and the practicalities of marriage. In some traditions, the mother's involvement extends to ensuring the suitability of the match and the proper execution of customary rites.
In Jewish tradition, the mother's role in lineage is particularly emphasized. For instance, a priest marrying the daughter of another priest is required to investigate the background of her family, specifically tracing "four mothers" on both the maternal and paternal sides to ensure proper lineage [5, 6, 8]. This meticulous tracing of maternal lines underscores the mother's significance in establishing the purity and suitability of a prospective spouse. Beyond lineage, the mother of the bride, alongside the father of the groom, holds a significant position in wedding preparations. The Babylonian Talmud indicates that if the mother of the bride dies, the wedding may proceed, followed by a period of mourning, because she is considered one of the primary individuals responsible for the wedding preparations [2]. This suggests a practical and organizational role for the mother in ensuring the event's success.
While the father often holds ultimate authority in matters of marriage, the mother's perspective, particularly concerning a minor daughter, is also considered. The Mishneh Torah discusses instances where a minor girl's marriage might be nullified, or her wedding delayed. Although the father has the right to delay a minor daughter's wedding, the reasoning provided in the Talmud suggests he might do so out of concern that she does not fully comprehend the implications of marriage, implying a protective role that could align with a mother's concerns [3]. Furthermore, the consecration (kiddushin) of a woman, the first stage of Jewish marriage, can occur in her father's home, and if she becomes pregnant during this period, the offspring's status is determined by specific laws, highlighting the family's, and by extension, the mother's, involvement in the early stages of marital commitment [4].
In Christian traditions, while specific details about a mother's direct involvement in wedding planning are less explicitly detailed in early texts, the broader concept of marriage as a "nuptial union" derived from the "wedding" (cause) and "conjugal union" (essence) points to a communal event with customary practices [1]. The imagery of a wedding feast, as seen in the parable of the ten virgins in Matthew 25:1-13, suggests a community-wide celebration, though specific roles for mothers are not delineated [7]. However, the presence of "friends of the bridegroom" and the general festivity lasting a week, as described in Judges 14:10-11, implies significant family and community organization, in which mothers would naturally play a part [10].
The concept of "custom" also plays a significant role in Jewish wedding practices, as Maimonides notes that when a man marries a woman without specifying conditions, the ketubah (marriage contract) and any commitments she makes are based on the customs of that locale [9]. This reliance on local custom would inherently involve the transmission of traditions through generations, often facilitated by mothers and other female relatives.
Historically, the involvement of mothers in wedding traditions has been shaped by cultural norms regarding family structure, property, and the upbringing of children. The detailed regulations in Jewish law concerning lineage and the practical responsibilities for wedding preparations underscore the enduring significance of the mother's influence in the establishment and celebration of marriage.
Sources
- theology (Catholic (Scholastic)) “Aquinas, Summa Theologica, Supplement (Supplementum), Of the Definition of Matrimony, Art. 2: Article: Whether matrimony is fittingly named? I answer that, Three things may be considered in matrimony. First, its essence, which is a joining together, and in reference to this it is called the "conjugal union"; secondly, its cause, which is the wedding, and in reference to this it is called the "nuptial union" from "nubo" [*The original meaning of 'nubo' is 'to veil'], because at the wedding ceremony, whereby the marriage is completed, the heads of those who are wedded are covered with a veil [*T”
- Babylonian Talmud (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Babylonian Talmud, Ketubot 4a.2: And the wedding takes place and is followed by seven days of feasting and seven days of mourning, specifically if it is the father of the groom or the mother of the bride who died, as in that case there is no other person who would exert themselves for them. They are the ones responsible for the wedding preparations, and therefore the preparations that were completed must be utilized. However, if the opposite takes place, i.e., the mother of the groom or the father of the bride dies, no, the practice is different. The corpse is buried immediately, the seven-day”
- Babylonian Talmud (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Babylonian Talmud, Ketubot 57b.5: § Rabbi Zeira said: It was taught in the Tosefta ( Ketubot 5:1) with regard to a minor girl: Either she or her father may delay the wedding until she has reached majority. The Gemara asks: Granted, she, the girl herself, may delay the wedding if she feels she is not ready, as she is the one who will be directly affected, but why should her father be allowed to delay her wedding? If it is suitable for her to get married, what difference does it make to her father? The Gemara answers: He thinks: Perhaps she agrees to get married now because she does not fully kn”
- Mishneh Torah (Maimonides) (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Mishneh Torah (Maimonides), Mishneh Torah%2C Forbidden Intercourse 15:17: [The following laws apply when] a woman who was consecrated 48 According to Jewish Law, marriage is a two-staged process involving: a) consecration, kiddushin or erusin , and b) marriage, nissuin , when the couple begin living together as man and wife. From the time of consecration onward, however, the woman is forbidden to engage in relations with other men. becomes pregnant in her father's home. The offspring is assumed to be a mamzer . 49 These laws differ from those applying to a married woman, as stated in Halachot ”
- Babylonian Talmud (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Babylonian Talmud, Kiddushin 165a.151:7: MISHNA: A priest who marries a woman who is the daughter of a priest must investigate with regard to her background, i.e., he must check previous generations of her family tree from both the maternal and paternal sides, for four mothers, which are eight. How so? He investigates the lineage of her mother, and the mother of her mother, and the mother of her mother’s father, and her mother, i.e., the mother of her mother’s fathers’ mother. And he also investigates the lineage of the mother of her father, and her mother, i.e., the mother of her father’s mot”
- Babylonian Talmud (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Babylonian Talmud, Kiddushin 76a.7: MISHNA: A priest who marries a woman who is the daughter of a priest must investigate with regard to her background, i.e., he must check previous generations of her family tree from both the maternal and paternal sides, for four mothers, which are eight. How so? He investigates the lineage of her mother, and the mother of her mother, and the mother of her mother’s father, and her mother, i.e., the mother of her mother’s fathers’ mother. And he also investigates the lineage of the mother of her father, and her mother, i.e., the mother of her father’s mother, ”
- Matthew (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Matthew 25:1: 25:1-13 This parable reinforces the need for individuals to be watchful and to prepare for the return of Christ (25:13; see also Luke 12:35-36). 25:1 To meet the bridegroom is an image for the coming of the Messiah (see Mark 2:19-20). • Details of wedding customs during the period are not known. Some think that the bride was led to the home of the bridegroom, who would stay away until the time appointed for the wedding feast. The bridesmaids, who had already escorted the bride to the groom’s home, would then wait for news of his arrival and escort him to the feas”
- Mishnah (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Mishnah, Mishnah Kiddushin 4:4: A priest who marries a woman who is the daughter of a priest must investigate with regard to her background, i.e., he must check previous generations of her family tree from both the maternal and paternal sides, for four mothers, which are eight. How so? He investigates the lineage of her mother, and the mother of her mother, and the mother of her mother’s father, and her mother, i.e., the mother of her mother’s fathers’ mother. And he also investigates the lineage of the mother of her father, and her mother, i.e., the mother of her father’s mother, and the moth”
- Mishneh Torah (Maimonides) (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Mishneh Torah (Maimonides), Mishneh Torah%2C Marriage 23:12: When a man marries a woman without specifying any conditions, he should write her a ketubah , giving her a sum that is customarily given in that locale. Similarly, if she makes a commitment to bring [utensils to the household], she must bring what is customarily brought in that locale. And when she comes to collect [the money due her by virtue of] her ketubah , she collects as is customary in that locale. In this and in all similar matters, local custom is a fundamental principle, and it is used as a basis for judgment, provided that”
- Judges (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Judges 14:10: HIS MARRIAGE FEAST. (Jdg 14:10-11) his father went down--The father is mentioned as the head and representative of Samson's relatives. Samson made there a feast--The wedding festivity lasted a week. The men and women were probably entertained in separate apartments--the bride, with her female relatives, at her parents' house; Samson, in some place obtained for the occasion, as he was a stranger. A large number of paranymphs, or "friends of the bridegroom," furnished, no doubt, by the bride's family, attended his party, ostensibly to honor the nupti”