Open Communication vs Forgiveness in Relationships According to Scripture
Scripture presents both open communication and forgiveness as vital components of healthy relationships, though they serve distinct functions and are applied in different contexts. While open communication involves speaking truth and addressing issues directly, forgiveness is concerned with releasing resentment and restoring harmony after an offense.
The importance of open communication is highlighted in Proverbs 27:5, which states, "Open rebuke is better than secret love" [1]. This verse suggests that direct, honest feedback, even if it is critical, is more beneficial than unspoken affection or hidden disapproval. This principle aligns with the idea of "speaking the truth in love" found in Ephesians 4:15, which encourages believers to grow spiritually by communicating truthfully and affectionately [7]. The apostle Paul himself sought prayer for "boldness to make known" the mystery of the Gospel, indicating a desire for clear and open proclamation [10]. This openness is not merely about speaking but also about being heard, as seen in Ezekiel 3:27, where the prophet is told, "He that heareth, let him hear; and he that forbeareth, let him forbear," implying a clear message is delivered, and the responsibility for reception lies with the hearer [9].
However, open communication must be balanced with discretion. Proverbs 17:9 advises, "He who covers an offense promotes love; but he who repeats a matter separates best friends" [2]. This suggests that while directness is valuable, there are times when overlooking minor offenses or not dwelling on past wrongs can preserve relationships. This aligns with the concept of kindness and tenderheartedness encouraged in Ephesians 4:32 [8].
Forgiveness, on the other hand, is presented as a cornerstone of Christian relationships. It involves releasing the desire for retribution and letting go of resentment towards someone who has caused harm [5]. The New Testament emphasizes a boundless and free willingness to forgive, mirroring God's own forgiving grace [6]. Jesus' teaching in Matthew 18:21-35 illustrates that disciples should forgive without limit, implying that those who do not forgive have not truly experienced God's forgiveness themselves [6].
The act of forgiveness is often linked to reconciliation, which Easton's Bible Dictionary defines as a change from enmity to friendship, a mutual process where both parties move from hostility to accord [3]. This reconciliation is exemplified in Colossians 3:13, which instructs believers to be "forbearing one another" and "forgiving one another," just as Christ forgave them [5]. Adam Clarke's commentary on this verse clarifies that forbearing means avoiding irritation, while forgiving means being ready to forgive "on the first acknowledgment of the fault" [5]. He further notes that Christ "required no satisfaction, and sought for nothing in you but the broken, contrite heart, and freely forgave you as soon as you returned to Him" [5]. This suggests that while an acknowledgment of fault is ideal, the offended party should not harbor ill will [5].
The motivation for forgiveness is rooted in God's own character. Ephesians 4:32 encourages believers to be "forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you" [8]. This divine pattern of forgiveness, which includes redemption through Christ's blood and the forgiveness of sins, is a central theme in Scripture [4].
Sources
- Proverbs “Proverbs 27:5 (KJV) — Open rebuke is better than secret love.”
- Proverbs “He who covers an offense promotes love; but he who repeats a matter separates best friends. -- Proverbs 17:9”
- Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Reconcilation — A change from enmity to friendship. It is mutual, i.e., it is a change wrought in both parties who have been at enmity. (1.) In Col. 1:21, 22, the word there used refers to a change wrought in the personal character of the sinner who ceases to be an enemy to God by wicked works, and yields up to him his full confidence and love. In 2 Cor. 5:20 the apostle beseeches the Corinthians to be "reconciled to God", i.e., to lay aside their enmity. (2.) Rom. 5:10 refers not to any change in our disposition toward God, but to God himself, as the party reconcile”
- Treasury of Scripture Knowledge “Ephesians 1:7 cross-references: Exodus 34:7, Job 33:24, Psalms 32:1, Psalms 86:5, Psalms 130:4, Psalms 130:7, Isaiah 43:25, Isaiah 55:6, Jeremiah 31:34, Daniel 9:9, Daniel 9:19, Daniel 9:24, Jonah 4:2, Micah 7:18, Zechariah 9:11, Zechariah 13:1, Zechariah 13:7, Matthew 20:28, Matthew 26:28, Mark 14:24, Luke 1:77, Luke 7:40, Luke 7:47, Luke 24:47, John 20:23, Acts 2:38, Acts 3:19, Acts 10:43, Acts 13:38, Acts 20:28, Romans 2:4, Romans 3:24, Romans 4:6, Romans 9:23, 1 Corinthians 1:30, 2 Corinthians 8:9, Ephesians 1:6, Ephesians 2:4, Ephesians 2:7, Ephesians 3:8, Ephesians 3:16, Philippians 4:19”
- Colossians (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on Colossians 3:13: Forbearing one another - Avoid all occasions of irritating or provoking each other. Forgiving one another - If ye receive offense, be instantly ready to forgive on the first acknowledgment of the fault. Even as Christ forgave you - Who required no satisfaction, and sought for nothing in you but the broken, contrite heart, and freely forgave you as soon as you returned to Him. No man should for a moment harbour ill will in his heart to any; but the offended party is not called actually to forgive, till the offender, with sorrow, acknowledges his fault. He should ”
- Matthew (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Matthew 18:21: 18:21-35 Peter’s suggestion of seven times was generous, so Jesus’ answer was startling. The disciple’s willingness to forgive should be like God’s forgiving grace, limitless and free (see 18:10-14). Those who do not forgive in this way cannot themselves have experienced God’s forgiveness (18:35; see 6:12).”
- Ephesians (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on Ephesians 4:15: But, speaking the truth in love - The truth recommended by the apostle is the whole system of Gospel doctrine; this they are to teach and preach, and this is opposed to the deceit mentioned above. This truth, as it is the doctrine of God's eternal love to mankind, must be preached in love. Scolding and abuse from the pulpit or press, in matters of religion, are truly monstrous. He who has the truth of God has no need of any means to defend or propagate it, but those which love to God and man provides. Grow up into him - This is a continuance of the metaphor taken”
- Ephesians (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Ephesians 4:29: And be ye kind one to another,.... Good, affable, courteous; which appears in looks, words, and actions; by looking pleasantly on each other, speaking kindly to one another, and mutually doing every good office that lies in their way, and in their power: tender hearted: which is opposed to a being hard hearted to them that are in distress, and close at hand to the needy; to cruelty and severity to such who are subject to them, or have injured them; and to a rigid and censorious spirit to them that are fallen: forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake”
- Ezekiel (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on Ezekiel 3:27: I will open thy mouth - When it is necessary to address them again, thou shalt sum up what thou hast said in this one speech: Thus saith the Lord, "He that heareth, let him hear; and he that forbeareth, let him forbear." Let him who feels obedience to the voice of God his interest, be steadfast. Let him who disregards the Divine monition go in his own way, and abide the consequences.”
- Ephesians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Ephesians 6:19: for me--a different Greek preposition from that in Eph 6:18; translate, therefore, "on my behalf." that I may open my mouth boldly--rather, "that there may be given to me 'utterance,' or 'speech' in the opening of my mouth (when I undertake to speak; a formula used in set and solemn speech, Job 3:1; Dan 10:16), so as with boldness to make known," &c. Bold plainness of speech was the more needed, as the Gospel is a "mystery" undiscoverable by mere reason, and only known by revelation. Paul looked for utterance to be given him; he did not depend on ”