Overcoming Anger and Hurt in Christian Relationships
Overcoming Anger and Hurt in Christian Relationships
The Bible addresses anger and hurt in relationships, providing guidance on how Christians can manage these emotions and maintain healthy relationships. According to Easton's Bible Dictionary, anger is "the emotion of instant displeasure on account of something evil that presents itself to our view" [2]. This emotion is not necessarily sinful, but it can become so if it is "causeless, or excessive, or protracted" (Eph. 4:26; Col. 3:8) [2].
The biblical approach to managing anger involves recognizing its potential to lead to sin. The Psalmist advises, "Cease from anger, and forsake wrath. Don’t fret, it leads only to evildoing" [3]. In the New Testament, Ephesians 4:32 instructs believers to "Be kind and tenderhearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you" [1]. This forgiveness is crucial in overcoming anger and hurt.
Christian traditions emphasize the importance of forgiveness and kindness in relationships. John Chrysostom, an Eastern Orthodox father, writes, "For I myself am of them that are smitten, and require one to apply some remedies. Do not however despair on this account" [4]. He encourages believers to stretch out a hand to each other and to raise themselves up, emphasizing the need for mutual support and forgiveness.
The Nonconformist/Puritan tradition, represented by Matthew Henry, highlights the need to mortify inordinate passions, including anger and wrath [5]. Henry notes that these emotions are contrary to the design of the gospel and have malignity in them. He emphasizes the importance of changing the higher powers of the soul and supporting the dominion of right reason and conscience over appetite and passion.
In the Baptist/Reformed tradition, John Gill interprets Psalms 30:5 as indicating that God's anger towards his people is not real but rather an apprehension on their part [6]. This understanding can help believers to trust in God's love and forgiveness, even when they experience anger or hurt.
The Protestant academic tradition, represented by Tyndale House, notes that a simple act of Christian kindness can often bring a hostile person to repentance before God and restore fellowship between people (Romans 12:20-21) [7]. This kindness is a key aspect of overcoming anger and hurt in Christian relationships.
Sources
- Ephesians “Ephesians 4:32 (BSB) — Be kind and tenderhearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.”
- Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Anger — The emotion of instant displeasure on account of something evil that presents itself to our view. In itself it is an original susceptibility of our nature, just as love is, and is not necessarily sinful. It may, however, become sinful when causeless, or excessive, or protracted (Matt. 5:22; Eph. 4:26; Col. 3:8). As ascribed to God, it merely denotes his displeasure with sin and with sinners (Ps. 7:11).”
- Psalms “Cease from anger, and forsake wrath. Don’t fret, it leads only to evildoing. -- Psalms 37:8”
- CCEL/NPNF (Eastern Orthodox) “John Chrysostom, Homilies on 1 & 2 Corinthians: Wherefore I beseech and implore you, let us stretch out a hand to each other and thoroughly raise ourselves up. For I myself am of them that are smitten, and require one to apply some remedies. Do not however despair on this account. For what if the wounds be severe? yet are they not incurable; such is our physician: only let us feel our wounds. Although we be arrived at the very extreme of wickedness, many are the ways of safety which He strikes out for us. Thus, if thou forbear to be angry with thy neighbor, thine own sins shall be forgiven. “F”
- Colossians (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Colossians 3:8: As we are to mortify inordinate appetites, so we are to mortify inordinate passions (Col 3:8): But now you also put off all these, anger wrath, malice; for these are contrary to the design of the gospel, as well as grosser impurities; and, though they are more spiritual wickedness, have not less malignity in them. The gospel religion introduces a change of the higher as well as the lower powers of the soul, and supports the dominion of right reason and conscience over appetite and passion. Anger and wrath are bad, but malice is worse, because it is more rooted ”
- Psalms (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Psalms 30:5: For his anger endureth but a moment,.... Anger is not properly in God, he being a simple, uncompounded, immovable, and unchangeable being; nor is it ever towards his people in reality, unless anger is distinguished from wrath, and is considered as consistent with his everlasting and invariable love to them; but only in their apprehension, he doing those things which in some respects are similar to those which men do when they are angry; he turns away from them and hides his face, he chides, chastises, and afflicts, and then they conclude he is angry; and when he retur”
- Romans (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Romans 12:20: 12:20-21 A simple act of Christian kindness can often bring a hostile person to repentance before God and restore fellowship between people.”