Overcoming Rejection and Trusting God's Plan for Singleness
Trusting God's plan for singleness involves a deep reliance on divine providence and a recognition that God "setteth the solitary in families" [5]. This perspective encourages individuals to find contentment and purpose in their current state, whether married or single, viewing it as part of God's sovereign design [5].
The concept of singleness, particularly for those who are widowed, is discussed in scripture as a state where hope is placed in God. For instance, 1 Timothy 5:5 describes a true widow as one who "puts her hope in God, giving herself to prayer day and night" [2]. This suggests that singleness can be a period of intensified devotion and reliance on God. The apostle Paul, in Romans 11, speaks of God's overarching plan even when individuals or groups reject Christ, indicating that God's purposes are not thwarted by human choices [6]. This broader theological framework can be applied to personal circumstances, suggesting that even experiences of rejection can be integrated into a divine plan.
The idea of a "single-minded" individual is also presented as one who is not consumed by worldly desires but rather waits for the will of God [9]. Such a person does not covet gold, overreach their neighbor, or long for manifold dainties, but instead focuses on spiritual purity and devotion [9]. This singleness of heart is seen as a safeguard against the spirits of deceit, as it prevents the mind from being polluted by corruption [9]. Augustine also speaks of "singleness of heart" as a strength and vigor in walking the path of wisdom, leading to purification [8, 12].
Overcoming feelings of rejection and embracing God's plan requires a certain "presumption of faith" and "full assurance of hope" in prayer [13]. John Calvin emphasizes that acceptable prayer springs from this confidence, distinguishing believers from unbelievers [13]. This confidence is not based on human power but on the understanding that saving faith is a gift from God [3]. Charles Hodge notes that the perseverance of saints is not due to the believer's will or the imperishable nature of grace, but "solely on what is out of ourselves," referring to God's preserving power [10].
The biblical narrative also addresses the human struggle with righteousness before God. Job 9:2 asks, "how can man be just with God?" [1]. This question highlights the inherent human inability to achieve perfect righteousness, a theme echoed by Calvin, who states that "one sin is sufficient to efface and extinguish all remembrance of former righteousness" [11]. This understanding can lead to a greater reliance on God's grace rather than on personal merit, which can be particularly relevant when facing feelings of rejection or inadequacy.
For those in singleness, particularly widows, there was a historical understanding of their role within the church. The Jamieson, Fausset & Brown commentary on 1 Timothy 5:12 suggests that older widows might have taken vows of service to Christ and the church, distinct from the Roman Catholic vows of celibacy [4]. This indicates a recognized and valued place for single individuals within the Christian community, where their devotion could be channeled into service. Augustine encourages prayer "as a widow belonging to Christ," emphasizing earnestness and patience in prayer to overcome the world [7].
Sources
- Job “Job 9:2 (LITV) — Truly I know it is so; but how can man be just with God?”
- I Timothy “I Timothy 5:5 (BBE) — Now she who is truly a widow and without family puts her hope in God, giving herself to prayer day and night.”
- CCEL (Reformed (Old Princeton)) “Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology, Vol. 2, section 137: that men have of themselves power to love God perfectly, so neither does the command to believe assume the power of exercising saving faith, which the Scriptures declare to be the gift of God. 2. The general call of the gospel is the means ordained by God to gather in his chosen people. They are mingled with other men, unknown except by God. The duty obligatory on all is made known to all; a privilege suited to all is offered indiscriminately. That some only are made willing to perform the duty, or to accept the privilege, in no way conf”
- 1 Timothy (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Timothy 5:12: Having--Bringing on themselves, and so having to bear as a burden (Gal 5:10) judgment from God (compare Ti1 3:6), weighing like a load on them. cast off their first faith--namely, pledged to Christ and the service of the Church. There could be no hardship at the age of sixty or upwards in not marrying again (end of Ti1 5:9), for the sake of serving better the cause of Christ as presbyteresses; though, to ordinary widows, no barrier existed against remarriage (Co1 7:39). This is altogether distinct from Rome's unnatural vows of celibacy in the case”
- Psalms (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Psalms 68:6: God setteth the solitary in families,.... Which the Jewish writers generally understand of an increase of families, with children in lawful marriage; see Psa 113:9; an instance of which we have in Abraham and Sarah; from which single or solitary ones, when joined in marriage, sprung a numerous offspring, Isa 51:2. And to this sense the Targum paraphrases the words; "God is he that joins, couples single ones into a couple, as one:'' some copies add, "to build an house out of them;'' that is, a family; see Rut 4:11. But it may be better interpreted of the fruitf”
- CCEL (Reformed (Old Princeton)) “Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology, Vol. 3, section 88: is in bitterness for his first-born.” This is to be a national conversion, for it is said “the land shall mourn” every family apart. 4. The most decisive passage, however, bearing on this subject, one which may be taken “ instar omnium ,” is the eleventh chapter of the Epistle to the Romans . Paul had taught, (1.) That God had cast off the Jews as a nation because they as a nation, represented by the Sanhedrim, the High Priest, the scribes and the Pharisees, by their rulers of every class, and by the popular voice, had rejected Christ. “H”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 1: Augustine — Confessions, Letters — CHAP. XV.--28. There is therefore in us a certain learned ignorance, so to speak--an ignorance which we learn from that Spirit of God who helps our infirmities. For after the apostle said, "If we hope (part 1): CHAP. XVI. -- 29. Considering all these things, and whatever else the Lord shall have made known to you in this matter, which either does not occur to me or would take too much time to state here, strive in prayer to overcome this world: pray in hope, pray in faith, pray in love, pray earnestly and patiently, pray as a widow belonging to C”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 6: Augustine — Homilies on the Gospels — CHAP. XXII.--74. Moreover, a certain strength and vigour in walking along the path of wisdom ties in good morals, which are made to extend as far as to purification and singleness of heart,--a subject (part 2): But when it is said more expressly of men, "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them," nothing else seems to be meant than, "Thou shall love thy neighbour as thyself."(1) But we must carefully attend to what He has added here: "for this is the law and the prophets." Now, in the case of th”
- Introduction “Testament of the Twelve Patriarchs, Introduction, section 32: of your heart, For I have seen in it all that is well-pleasing to the Lord. 2 The single-(minded) man coveteth not gold, He overreacheth not his neighbour, He longeth not after manifold dainties, He delighteth not in varied apparel. 3 He doth not desire to live a long life, But only waiteth for the will of God. 4 And the spirits of deceit have no power against him, For he looketh not on the beauty of women, Lest he should pollute his mind with corruption. 5 There is no envy in his thoughts, [No malicious person maketh his soul to pi”
- CCEL (Reformed (Old Princeton)) “Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology, Vol. 3, section 16: nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” It will be seen that the Apostle does not rest the perseverance of the saints on the indestructible nature of faith, or on the imperishable nature of the principle of grace in the heart, or on the constancy of the believer’s will, but solely on what is out of ourselves. Perseverance, he teaches us, is due to the pu”
- CCEL (Reformed) “John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, section 69: possible for us to perform works absolutely pure, yet one sin is sufficient to efface and extinguish all remembrance of former righteousness, as the prophet says ( Ezek. 18:24 ). With this James agrees, “Whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, is guilty of all,” ( James 2:10 ). And since this mortal life is never entirely free from the taint of sin, whatever righteousness we could acquire would ever and anon be corrupted, overwhelmed, and destroyed, by subsequent sins, so that it could not stand the scrutin”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 6: Augustine — Homilies on the Gospels — CHAP. XIX.--63. And inasmuch as the Lord is admonishing us in this passage with respect to rash and unjust judgment,--for He wishes that whatever we do, we should do it with a heart that is single and (part 3): or wrinkle,[5] i.e. pure and guileless.”
- CCEL (Reformed) “John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, section 75: what we ask, a confidence which the Lord commands, and all the saints teach by their example, we must therefore hold fast with both hands, if we would pray to any advantage. The only prayer acceptable to God is that which springs (if I may so express it) from this presumption of faith, and is founded on the full assurance of hope. He might have been contented to use the simple name of faith, but he adds not only confidence, but liberty or boldness, that by this mark he might distinguish us from unbelievers, who indeed like us pray ”