Parenting a Non-Believing Adult Child Biblically
Biblical texts emphasize the responsibility of parents to raise their children in the ways of God, instructing them in His word and bringing them to Christ [1, 6]. However, the Bible also acknowledges the reality of "wicked children" who do not know God, are void of understanding, and may despise or disobey their parents [3].
The concept of a non-believing adult child presents a unique challenge, as the child is no longer under the direct authority of the parents in the same way a minor child would be [7]. While parents are called to love their children and provide for them [6], the spiritual state of an adult child is ultimately their own responsibility. The New Testament speaks to the spiritual distinction between believers and unbelievers. John 3:18 states that "The one believing into Him is not condemned; but the one not believing has already been condemned, for he has not believed into the name of the only begotten Son of God" [5]. This highlights the individual nature of faith and condemnation.
The apostle Paul addresses situations where one spouse is a believer and the other is not, noting that the unbelieving spouse is "sanctified through" the believing one, and their children are considered "holy" rather than "unclean" [2, 4]. This concept of "sanctification" in marriage, according to some interpretations, means that the believing spouse brings a measure of hallowed character to the unbeliever and their children, potentially preparing the way for the unbeliever's eventual conversion [8, 11]. However, this does not guarantee the salvation of the unbelieving spouse or children, as Augustine noted that Christian parents do not always beget Christian children [9]. Calvin also observed that while there is a resemblance between the elect and those with a fading faith, only the elect have the full assurance of adoption [13].
The Heidelberg Catechism, a Reformed confession, affirms that infants of believers are included in God's covenant and should be baptized as a sign of this covenant, distinguishing them from the children of unbelievers [12]. This practice reflects the hope and expectation that children raised in a Christian home will come to faith, even though individual conversion remains a personal act. Thomas Aquinas, from a Catholic perspective, discussed the baptism of children of unbelievers, stating that adult children with the use of reason can choose to be baptized against their parents' will, while for younger children, the primary concern is their upbringing in the faith [7, 10].
Sources
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Children — Christ was an example to -- Lu 2:51; Joh 19:26,27. Are a gift from God -- Ge 33:5; Ps 127:3. Are capable of glorifying God -- Ps 8:2; 148:12,13; Mt 21:15,16. Should be Brought to Christ. -- Mr 10:13-16. Brought early to the house of God. -- 1Sa 1:24. Instructed in the ways of God. -- De 31:12,13; Pr 22:6. Judiciously trained. -- Pr 22:15; 29:17; Eph 6:4. Should Obey God. -- De 30:2. Fear God. -- Pr 24:21. Remember God. -- Ec 12:1. Attend to parental teaching. -- Pr 1:8,9. Honour parents. -- Ex 20:12; Heb 12:9. Fear parents. -- Le 19:3. Obey parents. -- Pr ”
- I Corinthians “I Corinthians 7:14 (BSB) — For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Children, Wicked — Know not God -- 1Sa 2:12. Are void of understanding -- Pr 7:7. Are proud -- Isa 3:5. With regard to parents Hearken not to them. -- 1Sa 2:25. Despise them. -- Pr 15:5,20; Eze 22:7. Curse them. -- Pr 30:11. Bring reproach on them. -- Pr 19:26. Are a calamity to them. -- Pr 19:13. Are a grief to them. -- Pr 17:25. Despised their elders. -- Job 19:18. Punishment of, for Setting light by parents. -- De 27:16. Disobeying parents. -- De 21:21. Mocking parents. -- Pr 30:17. Cursing parents. -- Ex 21:15; Mr 7:10. Smiting parents. -- Ex 21:15. Mocking of a ”
- 1 Corinthians “1 Corinthians 7:14 (NASB) — For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.”
- John “John 3:18 (LITV) — The one believing into Him is not condemned; but the one not believing has already been condemned, for he has not believed into the name of the only begotten Son of God.”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Parents — Receive their children from God -- Ge 33:5; 1Sa 1:27; Ps 127:3. Their duty to their children is To love them. -- Tit 2:4. To bring them to Christ. -- Mt 19:13,14. To train them up for God. -- Pr 22:6; Eph 6:4. To instruct them in God's word. -- De 4:9; 11:19; Isa 38:19. To tell them of God's judgments. -- Joe 1:3. To tell them of the miraculous works of God. -- Ex 10:2; Ps 78:4. To command them to obey God. -- De 32:46; 1Ch 28:9. To bless them. -- Ge 48:15; Heb 11:20. To pity them. -- Ps 103:13. To provide for them. -- Job 42:15; 2Co 12:14; 1Ti 5:8. To rule”
- theology (Catholic (Scholastic)) “Aquinas, Summa Theologica, Third Part (Tertia Pars), Of Those Who Receive Baptism, Art. 10: Article: Whether children of Jews or other unbelievers be baptized against the will of their parents? I answer that, The children of unbelievers either have the use of reason or they have not. If they have, then they already begin to control their own actions, in things that are of Divine or natural law. And therefore of their own accord, and against the will of their parents, they can receive Baptism, just as they can contract marriage. Consequently such can lawfully be advised and persuaded to be bapt”
- 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 7:14: 7:14 By remaining committed to the marriage, the Christian brings holiness to the unbelieving spouse. Such holiness extends to the children, who also benefit from the holiness of a Christian parent (cp. Mal 2:15).”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 5: Augustine — Anti-Pelagian — CHAP. 17 [IX.] -- CHRISTIANS DO NOT ALWAYS BEGET CHRISTIAN, NOR THE PURE, PURE CHILDREN, (part 2): to produce a Christian soul. Believe then the truth, and see that, as it has been possible (as [you yourselves admit) for one who is not a Christian to be born of Christian parents, for one who is not a member of Christ to be born of members of Christ, and (that we may answer all, who, however falsely, are yet in some sense possessed with a sense of religion) for a man who is not consecrated to be born of parents who are consecrated; so also it is quite po”
- theology (Catholic (Scholastic)) “Aquinas, Summa Theologica, Third Part (Tertia Pars), Of the Ministers by Whom the Sacrament of Baptism Is Conferred, Art. 8: Article: Whether he who raises anyone from the sacred font is bound to instruct him? I answer that, Every man is bound to fulfil those duties which he has undertaken to perform. Now it has been stated above (Article [7]) that godparents take upon themselves the duties of a tutor. Consequently they are bound to watch over their godchildren when there is need for them to do so: for instance when and where children are brought up among unbelievers. But if they are brought u”
- 1 Corinthians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Corinthians 7:14: sanctified--Those inseparably connected with the people of God are hallowed thereby, so that the latter may retain the connection without impairing their own sanctity (compare Ti1 4:5); nay, rather imparting to the former externally some degree of their own hallowed character, and so preparing the way for the unbeliever becoming at last sanctified inwardly by faith. by . . . by--rather, "in . . . in"; that is, in virtue of the marriage tie between them. by the husband--The oldest manuscripts read, "by the brother." It is the fact of the husb”
- Heidelberg Catechism (Reformed) “Heidelberg Catechism (Reformed, 1563), Q. Should infants also be baptized?: Q. Should infants also be baptized? A. Yes. Infants as well as adults are included in God’s covenant and people,1 and they, no less than adults, are promised deliverance from sin through Christ’s blood and the Holy Spirit who produces faith.2 Therefore, by baptism, the sign of the covenant, they too should be incorporated into the Christian church and distinguished from the children of unbelievers.3 This was done in the Old Testament by circumcision,4 which was replaced in the New Testament by baptism.5 1 Gen. 17:7; Ma”
- CCEL (Reformed) “John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, section 57: believers have no stronger testimony to assure them of their adoption, I answer, that though there is a great resemblance and affinity between the elect of God and those who are impressed for a time with a fading faith, yet the elect alone have that full assurance which is extolled by Paul, and by which they are enabled to cry, Abba, Father. Therefore, as God regenerates the elect only for ever by incorruptible seed, as the seed of life once sown in their hearts never perishes, so he effectually seals in them the grace of his adopt”