Pastoral Guidance for Struggling Couples in Marriage
Pastoral guidance for struggling couples in marriage draws from biblical principles that outline the responsibilities and expectations for husbands and wives. The Bible emphasizes that marriage is a lifelong commitment between one man and one woman [2, 6].
Husbands are called to love their wives and not be bitter towards them [7]. This love is to be sacrificial, mirroring Christ's love for the church [2]. They are also instructed to live with their wives "according to knowledge," showing them honor as fellow heirs of the grace of life, so that their prayers are not hindered [8, 9]. This implies a respectful and understanding approach to the marital relationship [12]. Furthermore, husbands are to regard their wives as themselves and be faithful to them [2].
Wives are exhorted to love their husbands, reverence them, and be faithful [4]. They are also called to be subject to their husbands [4]. While wives are to obey their husbands, their duties should not interfere with their duties to Christ [2, 4]. Both spouses are to remain with each other for life [2, 4].
When couples face difficulties, the New Testament offers guidance. Paul advises Christian couples contemplating divorce, grounding his counsel in the sayings of Jesus [10]. While acknowledging that some couples may have great difficulty living together, Paul emphasizes that they must honor their marriage vows to be faithful to their spouse alone [10]. Divorce was permitted under Mosaic law, but Jesus taught against it, noting it was allowed due to "hardness of heart" [6]. The general biblical stance is against divorce, as seen in Genesis 2:24 and Matthew 19:6 [6].
In cases of marital strife, the Bible encourages compassion and sympathy [3]. Believers are urged to persevere through persistent prayer during trials [11]. The broader Christian duty towards the afflicted includes prayer, sympathy, pity, comfort, and protection [5]. If a husband has doubts about his wife, the Mosaic law provided a process involving a priest [1].
The New Testament also addresses specific situations, such as a faithful person married to an unbeliever. Paul advises that if a wife leaves her husband, she should remain unmarried or be reconciled to him [10]. He also states that a believing spouse should not leave an unbelieving one [2]. For widows, remarriage is permitted, but only to another believer [13, 14, 15].
Sources
- Numbers “Numbers 5:30 (BBE) — Or for a husband who, in a bitter spirit, has doubts in his heart about his wife; let him take her to the priest, who will put in force this law.”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Husbands — Should have but one wife -- Ge 2:24; Mr 10:6-8; 1Co 7:2-4. Have authority over their wives -- Ge 3:16; 1Co 11:3; Eph 5:23. Duty of, to wives To respect them. -- 1Pe 3:7. To love them. -- Eph 5:25-33; Col 3:19. To regard them as themselves. -- Ge 2:23; Mt 19:5. To be faithful to them. -- Pr 5:19; Mal 2:14,15. To dwell with them for life. -- Ge 2:24; Mt 19:3-9. To comfort them. -- 1Sa 1:8. To consult with them. -- Ge 31:4-7. Not to leave them, though unbelieving. -- 1Co 7:11,12,14,16. Duties of, not to interfere with their duties to Christ -- Lu 14:26; Mt 19”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Compassion and Sympathy of Christ, The — Necessary to his priestly office -- Heb 5:2,7. Manifested for the Weary and heavy-laden. -- Mt 11:28-30. Weak in faith. -- Isa 40:11; 42:3; Mt 12:20. Tempted. -- Heb 2:18. Afflicted. -- Lu 7:13; Joh 11:33,35. Diseased. -- Mt 14:14; Mr 1:41. Poor. -- Mr 8:2. Perishing sinners. -- Mt 9:36; Lu 19:41; Joh 3:16. An encouragement to prayer -- Heb 4:15.”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Wives — Not to be selected from among the ungodly -- Ge 24:3; 26:34,35; 28:1. Duties of, to their husbands To love them. -- Tit 2:4. To reverence them. -- Eph 5:33. To be faithful to them. -- 1Co 7:3-5,10. To be subject to them. -- Ge 3:16; Eph 5:22,24; 1Pe 3:1. To obey them. -- 1Co 14:34; Tit 2:5. To remain with them for life. -- Ro 7:2,3. Should be adorned Not with ornaments. -- 1Ti 2:9; 1Pe 3:3. With modesty and sobriety. -- 1Ti 2:9. With a meek and quiet spirit. -- 1Pe 3:4,5. With good works. -- 1Ti 2:10; 5:10. Good Are from the Lord. -- Pr 19:14. Are a token of ”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Afflicted, Duty Toward The — To pray for them -- Ac 12:5; Php 1:16,19; Jas 5:14-16. To sympathise with them -- Ro 12:15; Ga 6:2. To pity them -- Job 6:14. To bear them in mind -- Heb 13:3. To visit them -- Jas 1:27. To comfort them -- Job 16:5; 29:25; 2Co 1:4; 1Th 4:18. To relieve them -- Job 31:19,20; Isa 58:10; Php 4:14; 1Ti 5:10. To protect them -- Ps 82:3; Pr 22:22; 31:5.”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Divorce — Law of marriage against -- Ge 2:24; Mt 19:6. Permitted By the Mosaic law. -- De 24:1. On account of hardness of heart. -- Mt 19:8. Often sought by the Jews -- Mic 2:9; Mal 2:14. Sought on slight grounds -- Mt 5:31; 19:3. Not allowed to those who falsely accused their wives -- De 22:18,19. Women Could obtain. -- Pr 2:17; Mr 10:12. Could marry after. -- De 24:2. Responsible for vows after. -- Nu 30:9. Married after, could not return to first husband. -- De 24:3,4; Jer 3:1. Afflicted by. -- Isa 54:4,6. Priests not to marry women after -- Le 21:14. Of servants,”
- Colossians “Colossians 3:19 (Geneva1599) — Husbands, loue your wiues, and be not bitter vnto them.”
- I Peter “I Peter 3:7 (LEB) — Husbands, in the same way live with your wives ⌞knowledgeably⌟, as with the weaker female vessel, showing them honor as fellow heirs also of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”
- 1 Peter “You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor to the woman, as to the weaker vessel, as being also joint heirs of the grace of life; that your prayers may not be hindered. -- 1 Peter 3:7”
- 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 7:10: 7:10-11 Paul advises Christian couples contemplating divorce. • a command that comes . . . from the Lord: This doesn’t mean that Paul’s other instructions (see 7:12, 25, 40) have less authority. It means this particular counsel is grounded in known sayings of Jesus (see Matt 5:32; 19:9; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18). • But if she does leave him: Paul acknowledges that some couples have great difficulty in living together, but even in that case they must honor their marriage vows to be faithful to their spouse alone (see 1 Cor 7:27; Rom 7:2).”
- Luke (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Luke 18:1: 18:1-8 The parable of the persistent widow follows naturally from Jesus’ teaching about coming troubles (17:20-37). Believers can face trials and persevere through persistent prayer.”
- 1 Peter (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on 1 Peter 3 (introduction): INTRODUCTION TO 1 PETER 3 In this chapter the apostle instructs wives how to behave towards their husbands, and husbands how to behave towards their wives; and then exhorts to various things common to all Christians, and particularly to suffer patiently for righteousness sake; to which he encourages them from the sufferings of Christ, and the benefits resulting from them, on which he enlarges to the end of the chapter. He begins with the duty of wives to their husbands, even unbelieving ones, which is subjection to them, urged from the profitable effect”
- 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 7:39: 7:39 A widow may marry another man, but only if he loves the Lord. Paul strongly discouraged the marriage of Christians to unbelievers (cp. 2 Cor 6:14-16).”
- 1 Timothy (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Timothy 5:14: 5:14 Paul is advising younger widows to remarry—and to marry believers (5:11-12; cp. 2:15). • not . . . say anything against them: Their actions were hurting their testimony for the Good News (see 1 Thes 4:11-12; Titus 2:8).”
- 1 Timothy (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Timothy 5:14: younger women--rather, as ellipsis ought to be supplied, "the younger widows," namely younger widows in general, as distinguished from the older widows taken on the roll of presbyteresses (Ti1 5:9). The "therefore" means seeing that young widows are exposed to such temptations, "I will," or "desire," &c. (Ti1 5:11-13). The precept here that they should marry again is not inconsistent with Co1 7:40; for the circumstances of the two cases were distinct (compare Co1 7:26). Here remarriage is recommended as an antidote to sexual passion, idleness, and t”