Practical Ways to Exercise Kindness and Forgiveness in Relationships
Ephesians 4:32 anchors Christian relational ethics in a single command: "Be kind and tenderhearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you" [1]. The verse establishes both the posture (kindness, tenderheartedness) and the pattern (God's forgiveness in Christ) that govern how believers treat one another. This is not abstract sentiment but concrete practice, rooted in the believer's own experience of divine mercy.
Kindness as Visible Action
Kindness manifests in "looks, words, and actions," appearing through pleasant demeanor, courteous speech, and "mutually doing every good office that lies in their way" [4]. The term encompasses affability and practical service—what one commentary calls doing "what good we can to all" [7]. This outward orientation contrasts sharply with self-preoccupation or indifference. The tradition emphasizes that kindness is not passive goodwill but active benevolence, expressed in tangible ways: visiting the afflicted, comforting the distressed, relieving those in need, and protecting the vulnerable [2]. These duties extend beyond emotional sympathy to concrete intervention in others' circumstances.
Tenderheartedness and the Refusal of Hardness
To be "tender hearted" means rejecting hardness toward those in distress, avoiding cruelty toward those who have caused injury, and resisting a "rigid and censorious spirit" toward the fallen [4]. This quality opposes both emotional callousness and moral severity. It requires believers to remain emotionally accessible rather than defensive, to absorb offense without retaliating, and to maintain compassion even when wronged. The exhortation to "put on bowels of mercy" [7] uses visceral language to describe the depth of feeling required—compassion that originates not in calculation but in genuine fellow-feeling.
Forgiveness as Relational Maintenance
Forgiveness preserves relationships by refusing to rehearse offenses. One proverb tradition notes that "maintaining a good relationship with another person means forgiving rather than dwelling on faults" [5]. This involves "not to tell others what has been said or done against them when it is not at all necessary," and choosing to "excuse both, and put the best construction upon them" [6]. The practice is restorative: "A simple act of Christian kindness can often bring a hostile person to repentance before God and restore fellowship between people" [3]. Forgiveness does not deny wrong but declines to weaponize it, treating offenses as occasions for reconciliation rather than ammunition for future conflict.
Sources
- Ephesians “Ephesians 4:32 (BSB) — Be kind and tenderhearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Afflicted, Duty Toward The — To pray for them -- Ac 12:5; Php 1:16,19; Jas 5:14-16. To sympathise with them -- Ro 12:15; Ga 6:2. To pity them -- Job 6:14. To bear them in mind -- Heb 13:3. To visit them -- Jas 1:27. To comfort them -- Job 16:5; 29:25; 2Co 1:4; 1Th 4:18. To relieve them -- Job 31:19,20; Isa 58:10; Php 4:14; 1Ti 5:10. To protect them -- Ps 82:3; Pr 22:22; 31:5.”
- Romans (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Romans 12:20: 12:20-21 A simple act of Christian kindness can often bring a hostile person to repentance before God and restore fellowship between people.”
- Ephesians (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Ephesians 4:29: And be ye kind one to another,.... Good, affable, courteous; which appears in looks, words, and actions; by looking pleasantly on each other, speaking kindly to one another, and mutually doing every good office that lies in their way, and in their power: tender hearted: which is opposed to a being hard hearted to them that are in distress, and close at hand to the needy; to cruelty and severity to such who are subject to them, or have injured them; and to a rigid and censorious spirit to them that are fallen: forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake”
- Proverbs (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Proverbs 17:9: 17:9 Maintaining a good relationship with another person means forgiving rather than dwelling on faults.”
- Proverbs (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Proverbs 17:9: Note, 1. The way to preserve peace among relations and neighbours is to make the best of every thing, not to tell others what has been said or done against them when it is not at all necessary to their safety, nor to take notice of what has been said or done against them when it is not at all necessary to their safety, nor to take notice of what has been said or done against ourselves, but to excuse both, and put the best construction upon them. "It was an oversight; therefore overlook it. It was done through forgetfulness; therefore forget it. It perhaps made n”
- Colossians (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Colossians 3:12: The apostle proceeds to exhort to mutual love and compassion: Put on therefore bowels of mercy, Col 3:12. We must not only put off anger and wrath (as Col 3:8), but we must put on compassion and kindness; not only cease to do evil, but learn to do well; not only not do hurt to any, but do what good we can to all. I. The argument here used to enforce the exhortation is very affecting: Put on, as the elect of God, holy and beloved. Observe, 1. Those who are holy are the elect of God; and those who are the elect of God, and holy, are beloved - beloved of God, and”