Pre-Marital Counseling in Christian Relationships and Marriage
Pre-marital counseling in Christian traditions often draws upon biblical principles concerning marriage, family, and interpersonal relationships. While the Bible does not explicitly mention "pre-marital counseling" as a formal practice, it provides foundational teachings that inform such guidance. These teachings emphasize the sacred nature of marriage, the roles and responsibilities of spouses, and the importance of a relationship centered on God.
One core biblical concept informing pre-marital guidance is the understanding of marriage as a covenant. Proverbs 2:17 refers to the "covenant . . . of God" in the context of marriage, indicating its divine establishment and solemnity [6]. Similarly, Proverbs 5:18 speaks of the "wife . . . of youth," highlighting the enduring nature of the marital bond [9]. This covenantal view suggests that marriage is not merely a contract but a lifelong commitment made before God.
The Apostle Paul's letters, particularly Ephesians 5 and 1 Corinthians 7, offer significant instruction on marital dynamics. Ephesians 5:22-33 outlines reciprocal duties within marriage: wives are called to submit to their husbands, showing them respect, while husbands are commanded to love their wives [2, 3]. This love is to be sacrificial, mirroring Christ's love for the Church [7]. The passage in Ephesians 5:22-33 is seen as a summary of teaching on the relationship between husbands and wives, emphasizing love and respect [2]. The submission of wives is presented as part of their Christian commitment, consistent with other New Testament passages [3].
1 Corinthians 7 addresses various aspects of marriage, including sexual intimacy. Paul states that "because of fornications," or irregular lusts, "let every man have" his own wife, implying that marriage is a safeguard against sexual immorality for those without the gift of continency [8]. This passage also emphasizes the mutual sexual rights and responsibilities within marriage, stating that spouses should be considerate of each other's sexual needs and that authority over one's body is yielded to the spouse, though not to be abused [4]. This mutual yielding underscores the importance of open communication and understanding regarding intimacy before and during marriage.
Historically, the concept of "betrothal" in ancient Israelite culture served as a formal engagement period, often lasting a year, during which the couple was considered legally married though not yet living together [1]. This period allowed for preparation and discernment before the full consummation of the marriage. While distinct from modern pre-marital counseling, it highlights a historical precedent for a preparatory phase before marriage.
Pre-marital counseling in Christian contexts often seeks to prepare couples for the realities of married life by discussing these biblical principles. Topics typically include communication, conflict resolution, finances, family expectations, and sexual intimacy, all viewed through the lens of biblical teaching. The aim is to equip couples to build a marriage that reflects the union between Christ and the Church [3]. The counsel given to younger women to marry again, as seen in 1 Timothy 5:14, also suggests that marriage is viewed as a positive and protective institution, an "antidote to sexual passion, idleness" [5]. This perspective reinforces the idea that preparation for marriage is beneficial for the well-being of individuals and the community.
Sources
- Smith's Bible Dictionary “Smith's Bible Dictionary: Betrothing — [[300]Marriage.1]”
- Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:33: 5:33 Paul summarizes his teaching on the relationship between husbands and wives (5:22-33). Christian marriages should be marked by love and respect.”
- Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:22: 5:22-33 Christian wives are to submit to their husbands, showing them respect. Equally important, Christian husbands are to love their wives (see Col 3:18-19). Christian marriages become a reflection of the union and relationship between the Lord and the church. 5:22 Submission is part of the life to which the wives’ Christian commitment calls them (see 1 Cor 11:3-10; 14:34-35; Col 3:18; 1 Tim 2:11-12; Titus 2:5; 1 Pet 3:1-6).”
- 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 7:3: 7:3-4 Because of the temptation to sexual immorality, married Christians must always be considerate of the sexual needs of their spouses. Sexual intimacy is a mutual right for both spouses in a marriage and must not be withheld. Marriage includes yielding the authority over one’s body to one’s spouse, though such authority is clearly not to be abused.”
- 1 Timothy (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Timothy 5:14: younger women--rather, as ellipsis ought to be supplied, "the younger widows," namely younger widows in general, as distinguished from the older widows taken on the roll of presbyteresses (Ti1 5:9). The "therefore" means seeing that young widows are exposed to such temptations, "I will," or "desire," &c. (Ti1 5:11-13). The precept here that they should marry again is not inconsistent with Co1 7:40; for the circumstances of the two cases were distinct (compare Co1 7:26). Here remarriage is recommended as an antidote to sexual passion, idleness, and t”
- Proverbs (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Proverbs 2:17: guide . . . youth--lawful husband (Jer 3:4). covenant . . . God--of marriage made in God's name.”
- Ephesians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Ephesians 5:25: "Thou hast seen the measure of obedience; now hear also the measure of love. Do you wish your wife to obey you, as the Church is to obey Christ? Then have a solicitude for her as Christ had for the Church (Eph 5:23, "Himself the Saviour of the body"); and "if it be necessary to give thy life for her, or to be cut in ten thousand pieces, or to endure any other suffering whatever, do not refuse it; and if you suffer thus, not even so do you do what Christ has done; for you indeed do so being already united to her, but He did so for one that treated Hi”
- 1 Corinthians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Corinthians 7:2: Here the general rule is given to avoid fornication--More literally, "on account of fornications," to which as being very prevalent at Corinth, and not even counted sins among the heathen, unmarried persons might be tempted. The plural, "fornications," marks irregular lusts, as contrasted with the unity of the marriage relation [BENGEL]. let every man have--a positive command to all who have not the gift of continency, in fact to the great majority of the world (Co1 7:5). The dignity of marriage is set forth by Paul (Eph 5:25-32), in the fact”
- Proverbs (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Proverbs 5:18: wife . . . youth--married in youth.”