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Prioritizing Christ in Christian Marital Relationships and Counseling

Marriage in Christian thought rests on a foundation established in Genesis 2:24, where God institutes the union of man and woman [8]. Yet the New Testament reframes this institution christologically, making Christ's relationship to the church the interpretive lens through which all marital counsel must pass. Ephesians 5:25 commands husbands to "love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church, and gave himself for it" [3], establishing sacrificial love as the husband's primary obligation [10]. This is not merely an ethical ideal but a theological pattern: the propagation of the church from Christ mirrors Eve's formation from Adam, making the spiritual marriage between Christ and the church the foundation on which natural marriage rests [11].

The Primacy of Christ in Affection

Scripture consistently demands that affections be "supremely set upon God" (Deuteronomy 6:3; Mark 12:30) and that Christ "claims the first place" in human loves (Matthew 10:37; Luke 14:26) [1]. This priority is not abstract but relational: Paul warns younger widows against enrolling as widows when "their passions draw them away from Christ" in desiring remarriage [4, 5], indicating that even legitimate marital desire can compete with devotion to Christ if improperly ordered. The test of devotion to Christ includes self-denial [6], and love for Christ must be supreme, manifested in "preferring him to all others" [9]. Marriage, though divinely instituted for human happiness, population increase, raising godly offspring, and preventing fornication [8], cannot displace Christ as the supreme object of affection.

Christ's Mediatorial Kingship Over Marriage

Christ exercises his kingly office as "sovereign Head over his Church and over all things to his Church" (Ephesians 1:22; 4:15; Colossians 1:18) [2]. This mediatorial kingship extends to marriage, which exists not as an autonomous sphere but as one domain under Christ's rule. The husband's headship over his wife (Ephesians 5:24) [7] is derivative, patterned after Christ's headship over the church [14]. Christian marriages thus "become a reflection of the union and relationship between the Lord and the church" [14], meaning that marital counseling must address not merely relational dynamics but the couple's shared submission to Christ's authority.

Mutual Dependence in Christ

While Ephesians establishes a structure of submission and sacrificial love, 1 Corinthians 11:11 qualifies any notion of hierarchical independence: "neither sex is insulated and independent of the other in the Christian life," and "in respect to Christ ('in the Lord'), the man and the woman together (for neither can be dispensed with) realize the ideal of redeemed humanity represented by the bride, the Church" [12]. This mutual dependence "in the Lord" means that both husband and wife stand equally before Christ, even as they occupy differentiated roles within the marriage. Counseling that prioritizes Christ must therefore address both spouses' individual relationships with him, not merely their relationship with each other.

The Apostolic Jealousy for Christ

Paul's language in 2 Corinthians 11:2 provides a model for Christian counseling: he describes his "godly jealousy" (literally "jealousy of God") for the Corinthians, having espoused them to Christ as "the friend of the Bridegroom" [13]. This jealousy guards against any rival affection that would draw believers from Christ. Marital counseling that prioritizes Christ must similarly guard against the idolatry of spouse or marriage itself, recognizing that even the legitimate goods of marriage can become functional rivals to Christ when disordered. Paul's willingness to "spare" married couples certain troubles of the flesh (1 Corinthians 7:28) [15] acknowledges marriage's practical burdens without diminishing its theological significance.

Christian marriage is "honourable for all" (Hebrews 13:4) and "should be only in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:39) [8], meaning that both the decision to marry and the conduct of marriage must be governed by allegiance to Christ. The summary of Ephesians 5:33—that marriages should be "marked by love and respect" [16]—gains its force from the christological pattern that precedes it, where love imitates Christ's self-giving and respect acknowledges the divine order reflected in the union.

Sources

  1. Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Affections, The — Should be supremely set upon God -- De 6:3; Mr 12:30. Should be set Upon the commandments of God. -- Ps 19:8-10; 119:20,97,103,167. Upon the house and worship of God. -- 1Ch 29:3; Ps 26:8; 27:4; 84:1,2. Upon the people of God. -- Ps 16:3; Ro 12:10; 2Co 7:13-15; 1Th 2:8. Upon heavenly things. -- Col 3:1,2. Should be zealously engaged for God -- Ps 69:9; 119:139; Ga 4:18. Christ claims the first place in -- Mt 10:37; Lu 14:26. Enkindled by communion with Christ -- Lu 24:32. Blessedness of making God the object of -- Ps 91:14. Should not grow cold -- P”
  2. Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Kingly office of Christ — One of the three special relations in which Christ stands to his people. Christ's office as mediator comprehends three different functions, viz., those of a prophet, priest, and king. These are not three distinct offices, but three functions of the one office of mediator. Christ is King and sovereign Head over his Church and over all things to his Church (Eph. 1:22; 4:15; Col. 1:18; 2:19). He executes this mediatorial kingship in his Church, and over his Church, and over all things in behalf of his Church. This royalty differs from that whic”
  3. Ephesians “Ephesians 5:25 (Geneva1599) — Husbands, loue your wiues, euen as Christ loued the Church, and gaue himselfe for it,”
  4. I Timothy “I Timothy 5:11 (BSB) — But refuse to enroll younger widows. For when their passions draw them away from Christ, they will want to marry,”
  5. 1 Timothy “1 Timothy 5:11 (NASB) — But refuse to put younger widows on the list, for when they feel sensual desires in disregard of Christ, they want to get married,”
  6. Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Self-Denial — Christ set an example of -- Mt 4:8-10; 8:20; Joh 6:38; Ro 15:3; Php 2:6-8. A test of devotedness to Christ -- Mt 10:37,38; Lu 9:23,24. Necessary In following Christ. -- Lu 14:27-33. In the warfare of saints. -- 2Ti 2:4. To the triumph of saints. -- 1Co 9:25-27. Ministers especially called to exercise -- 2Co 6:4,5. Should be exercised in Denying ungodliness and worldly lusts. -- Ro 6:12; Tit 2:12. Controlling the appetite. -- Pr 23:2. Abstaining from fleshly lusts. -- 1Pe 2:11. No longer living to lusts of men. -- 1Pe 4:2. Mortifying sinful lusts. -- Mr ”
  7. Ephesians “Ephesians 5:24 (Geneva1599) — Therfore as the Church is in subiection to Christ, euen so let the wiues be to their husbands in euery thing.”
  8. Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Marriage — Divinely instituted -- Ge 2:24. A covenant relationship -- Mal 2:4. Designed for The happiness of man. -- Ge 2:18. Increasing the human population. -- Ge 1:28; 9:1. Raising up godly seed. -- Mal 2:15. Preventing fornication. -- 1Co 7:2. The expectation of the promised seed of the woman an incentive to, in the early age -- Ge 3:15; 4:1. Lawful in all -- 1Co 7:2,28; 1Ti 5:14. Honourable for all -- Heb 13:4. Should be only in the Lord -- 1Co 7:39. Expressed by Joining together. -- Mt 19:6. Making affinity. -- 1Ki 3:1. Taking to wife. -- Ex 2:1. Giving daughte”
  9. Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Love to Christ — Exhibited by God -- Mt 17:5; Joh 5:20. Exhibited by saints -- 1Pe 1:8. His personal excellence is deserving of -- Song 5:9-16. His love to us a motive to -- 2Co 5:14. Manifested in Seeking him. -- Song 3:2. Obeying him. -- Joh 14:15,21,23. Ministering to him. -- Mt 27:55; 25:40. Preferring him to all others. -- Mt 10:37. Taking up the cross for Him. -- Mt 10:38. A characteristic of saints -- Song 1:4. An evidence of adoption -- Joh 8:42. Should be Sincere. -- Eph 6:24. With the soul. -- Song 1:7. In proportion to our mercies. -- Lu 7:47. Supreme. -- ”
  10. Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:25: 5:25-33 Christian husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loved the church—that is, sacrificially, for Christ gave up his life for her (5:2; cp. Col 3:19; 1 Pet 3:7).”
  11. Ephesians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Ephesians 5:31: For--The propagation of the Church from Christ, as that of Eve from Adam, is the foundation of the spiritual marriage. The natural marriage, wherein "a man leaves father and mother (the oldest manuscripts omit 'his') and is joined unto his wife," is not the principal thing meant here, but the spiritual marriage represented by it, and on which it rests, whereby Christ left the Father's bosom to woo to Himself the Church out of a lost world: Eph 5:32 proves this: His earthly mother as such, also, He holds in secondary account as compared with His spir”
  12. 1 Corinthians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Corinthians 11:11: Yet neither sex is insulated and independent of the other in the Christian life [ALFORD]. The one needs the other in the sexual relation; and in respect to Christ ("in the Lord"), the man and the woman together (for neither can be dispensed with) realize the ideal of redeemed humanity represented by the bride, the Church.”
  13. 2 Corinthians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 2 Corinthians 11:2: For I am jealous--The justification of his self-commendations lies in his zealous care lest they should fall from Christ, to whom he, as "the friend of the Bridegroom" (Joh 3:29), has espoused them; in order to lead them back from the false apostles to Christ, he is obliged to boast as an apostle of Christ, in a way which, but for the motive, would be "folly." godly jealousy--literally, "jealousy of God" (compare Co2 1:12, "godly sincerity," literally, "sincerity of God"). "If I am immoderate, I am immoderate to God" [BENGEL]. A jealousy which”
  14. Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:22: 5:22-33 Christian wives are to submit to their husbands, showing them respect. Equally important, Christian husbands are to love their wives (see Col 3:18-19). Christian marriages become a reflection of the union and relationship between the Lord and the church. 5:22 Submission is part of the life to which the wives’ Christian commitment calls them (see 1 Cor 11:3-10; 14:34-35; Col 3:18; 1 Tim 2:11-12; Titus 2:5; 1 Pet 3:1-6).”
  15. 1 Corinthians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Corinthians 7:28: trouble in the flesh--Those who marry, he says, shall incur "trouble in the flesh" (that is, in their outward state, by reason of the present distress), not sin, which is the trouble of the spirit. but I spare you--The emphasis in the Greek is on "I." My motive in advising you so is, to "spare you" such trouble in the flesh. So ALFORD after CALVIN, BENGEL, and others. ESTIUS from AUGUSTINE explains it, "I spare you further details of the inconveniences of matrimony, lest even the incontinent may at the peril of lust be deterred from matrimony:”
  16. Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:33: 5:33 Paul summarizes his teaching on the relationship between husbands and wives (5:22-33). Christian marriages should be marked by love and respect.”
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