Prioritizing Love for God Over Changing Relationships Biblically
The Shema, recited daily by devout Jews and affirmed by Jesus as the greatest commandment, establishes the priority: "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength" (Deuteronomy 6:5; Mark 12:30) [1]. This command places love for God not merely first among equals but as the supreme affection from which all other loves derive their proper order and expression.
The Biblical Foundation for Supreme Affection
Scripture consistently presents God as the rightful object of humanity's highest devotion. The affections "should be supremely set upon God" [1], a principle that extends beyond emotional sentiment to encompass the whole person—heart, soul, mind, and strength. This totality distinguishes love for God from all other attachments. The psalmist models this priority: "Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you" (Psalm 73:25). Such language does not negate earthly relationships but subordinates them to the primary relationship with the Creator.
Paul reinforces this ordering in Colossians 3:2: "Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth" [2]. The verb "set" implies deliberate, ongoing choice rather than passive feeling. The contrast between "things above" and "things on the earth" establishes a hierarchy of value that governs how believers allocate their emotional and spiritual energy. This does not mean withdrawal from earthly relationships but rather their proper contextualization within a God-centered framework.
Christ's Claim to First Place
Jesus explicitly addresses the tension between divine and human relationships in Matthew 10:37: "He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me." The parallel passage in Luke 14:26 uses even starker language, speaking of "hating" one's family in comparison to devotion to Christ. This hyperbolic construction, common in Semitic rhetoric, establishes the absolute priority of allegiance to Christ. "Christ claims the first place" in the affections [1], not as one love among many but as the love that defines and orders all others.
This priority becomes particularly acute when earthly relationships change or dissolve. Death, estrangement, betrayal, or the natural evolution of human bonds can leave individuals feeling unmoored if those relationships have occupied the place reserved for God alone. The biblical pattern protects against this displacement by establishing God's love as the stable center around which all other loves orbit.
Love as Knowledge and Obedience
The prophetic tradition deepens the concept of love beyond emotion to include knowledge and covenant faithfulness. Hosea 6:6 declares, "I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, and knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings" [3]. The Hebrew term hesed, translated "steadfast love," encompasses loyalty, faithfulness, and covenant commitment [9]. This love "includes faithfulness" and reflects God's own character, for "God is always faithful" [9]. The parallel with "knowledge of God" indicates that genuine love involves "an intimate personal relationship with God" rather than merely "knowing facts about God" [9].
This understanding of love as relational knowledge connects directly to obedience. "Love to God" is "perfected in obedience" [5], and true love for God necessarily produces "obedience to God" [5]. First John 5:3 makes this explicit: "For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments." The test of whether God holds supreme place in one's affections is not the intensity of religious feeling but the pattern of life choices, particularly when those choices require subordinating human relationships to divine commands.
The Generative Nature of Divine Love
The priority of love for God does not diminish human relationships but rather establishes their proper foundation. John Gill observes that "God's love to us is prior to our love to him; his love is from everlasting" [6]. This priority is not merely temporal but ontological—God's love generates the capacity for all other loves. "We love him, because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19) [6]. Human love, including love for family and friends, becomes an echo and extension of the divine love first received.
Jamieson, Fausset, and Brown note that "our love to God (tested by our 'keeping his commandments') is, conversely, the ground and only true basis of love to our brother" [8]. This creates a reciprocal relationship: love for fellow believers serves as evidence of love for God, while love for God provides the foundation for authentic love toward others. When earthly relationships shift or fail, the believer who has prioritized love for God retains the source from which all genuine love flows.
The Jealousy of God and Exclusive Devotion
The language of divine jealousy underscores the exclusivity God demands. Exodus 20:5 describes God as "jealous," meaning "passionately opposed to our prostituting ourselves with false gods" [7]. This jealousy is not petty possessiveness but the rightful claim of the Creator upon the creature. When human relationships—even legitimate ones—usurp God's place, they function as idols. The warning extends across generations: sins of misplaced affection "affect future generations of descendants," though God restricts "the natural effects of those sins to three or four generations, while graciously extending the effects of obedience to a thousand generations" [7].
This jealousy explains why changing human relationships can serve as divine discipline. Afflictions, including relational loss, function by "turning us to God" and "keeping us from again departing from God" [4]. When relationships that have competed with God for supremacy are removed or altered, the resulting pain can redirect affections to their proper object. Hosea 2:6-7 illustrates this pattern: God hedges Israel's way with thorns so that she will say, "I will go and return to my first husband, for then it was better for me than now."
The Permanence of Divine Love Versus Human Inconstancy
Paul's meditation on love in 1 Corinthians 13 concludes with the triad of faith, hope, and love, noting that "the greatest of these is love" [11]. These three "last forever" [11], unlike spiritual gifts that will pass away. The permanence of love—specifically love rooted in God's nature—contrasts sharply with the transience of human relationships. "Love is the quintessential nature of God himself" [11], which means that prioritizing love for God anchors the believer in what is eternal rather than what is subject to change and decay.
Calvin emphasizes that genuine godliness manifests in both vertical and horizontal dimensions. While one might "be deceived" by observing only horizontal relationships, true godliness requires examining whether a person discharges "the duties of the first table, which are evidences of godliness and of the worship of God" [10]. Christ identifies "mercy, judgment, and faith" as the weightier matters of the law [10], but these flow from proper worship and love of God rather than replacing it.
The biblical pattern thus establishes love for God not as one priority among many but as the organizing principle of all affections. When human relationships change—through death, distance, or dissolution—the believer whose supreme affection rests in God possesses a stability that transcends circumstance. This is not emotional detachment from human bonds but their proper ordering under the unchanging love of the One who "is the same yesterday, today, and forever" (Hebrews 13:8).
Sources
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Affections, The — Should be supremely set upon God -- De 6:3; Mr 12:30. Should be set Upon the commandments of God. -- Ps 19:8-10; 119:20,97,103,167. Upon the house and worship of God. -- 1Ch 29:3; Ps 26:8; 27:4; 84:1,2. Upon the people of God. -- Ps 16:3; Ro 12:10; 2Co 7:13-15; 1Th 2:8. Upon heavenly things. -- Col 3:1,2. Should be zealously engaged for God -- Ps 69:9; 119:139; Ga 4:18. Christ claims the first place in -- Mt 10:37; Lu 14:26. Enkindled by communion with Christ -- Lu 24:32. Blessedness of making God the object of -- Ps 91:14. Should not grow cold -- P”
- Colossians “Colossians 3:2 (KJV) — Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.”
- Hosea “Hosea 6:6 (LEB) — Because I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, and knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Afflictions Made Beneficial — In promoting the glory of God -- Joh 9:1-3; 11:3,4; 21:18,19. In exhibiting the power and faithfulness of God -- Ps 34:19,20; 2Co 4:8-11. In teaching us the will of God -- Ps 119:71; Isa 26:9; Mic 6:9. In turning us to God -- De 4:30,31; Ne 1:8,9; Ps 78:34; Isa 10:20,21; Ho 2:6,7. In keeping us from again departing from God -- Job 34:31,32; Isa 10:20; Eze 14:10,11. In leading us to seek God in prayer -- Jdj 4:3; Jer 31:18; La 2:17-19; Ho 5:14,15; Jon 2:1. In convincing us of sin -- Job 36:8,9; Ps 119:67; Lu 15:16-18. In leading us to con”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Love to God — Commanded -- De 11:1; Jos 22:5. The first great commandment -- Mt 22:38. With all the heart -- De 6:5; Mt 22:37. Better than all sacrifices -- Mr 12:33. Produced by The Holy Spirit. -- Ga 5:22; 2Th 3:5. The love of God to us. -- 1Jo 4:19. Answers to prayer. -- Ps 116:1. Exhibited by Christ -- Joh 14:31. A characteristic of saints -- Ps 5:11. Should produce Joy. -- Ps 5:11. Love to saints. -- 1Jo 5:1. Hatred of sin. -- Ps 97:10. Obedience to God. -- De 30:20; 1Jo 5:3. Perfected in obedience -- 1Jo 2:5. Perfected, gives boldness -- 1Jo 4:17,18. God, faith”
- 1 John (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on 1 John 4:19: We love him, because he first loved us. Lest love to God, and so to one another, should be thought to be of ourselves, and too much be ascribed unto it, the apostle observes, that God's love to us is prior to our love to him; his love is from everlasting, as well as to everlasting; for he loves his people as he does his Son, and he loved him before the foundation of the world; his choosing them in Christ as early, and blessing them then with all spiritual blessings, the covenant of grace made with Christ from all eternity, the gift of grace to them in him before the w”
- Exodus (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Exodus 20:5: 20:5-6 jealous God: God is passionately opposed to our prostituting ourselves with false gods (see Josh 24:19-20). • in the third and fourth generations . . . for a thousand generations: It is important to keep both sides of this equation together. God does not punish children for their parents’ sins. Rather, he is saying that our sins affect future generations of descendants. But he is also restricting the natural effects of those sins to three or four generations, while graciously extending the effects of obedience to a thousand generations (see also 34:6-7; Deu”
- 1 John (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 John 5:2: By--Greek, "In." As our love to the brethren is the sign and test of our love to God, so (John here says) our love to God (tested by our "keeping his commandments") is, conversely, the ground and only true basis of love to our brother. we know--John means here, not the outward criteria of genuine brotherly love, but the inward spiritual criteria of it, consciousness of love to God manifested in a hearty keeping of His commandments. When we have this inwardly and outwardly confirmed love to God, we can know assuredly that we truly love the children of ”
- Hosea (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Hosea 6:6: 6:6 In one of Hosea’s key verses, God names the most important qualities that should characterize the Israelites’ covenant lives with him. First, the Lord wants his people to show love more than he wants sacrifices. Love (Hebrew khesed) includes faithfulness (see 4:1; 6:4). God is always faithful (Ps 136), and he requires the same of his people. Second, the Lord wants Israel to know him more than he wants burnt offerings. Knowing God is much more than simply knowing facts about God (see “Knowing God” Theme Note). An intimate personal relationship with God is charact”
- CCEL (Reformed) “Calvin, Commentary on Isaiah, Vol. 1, section 7.37: not they fear God. We might, indeed, be deceived, were it from the second table only that we formed our judgment about the godliness of a man; but if any one discharge the duties of the first table, which are evidences of godliness and of the worship of God, he must then be brought to this standard, Does he act inoffensively towards other men? Does he abstain from every act of injustice? Does he speak truth? Does he live in the exercise of kindness to his brethren? This is the reason why Christ pronounces mercy, judgment, and faith, to be the”
- 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 13:13: 13:13 Faith, hope, and love are more important than spiritual gifts because they last forever (see also Rom 5:1-5; Gal 5:5-6; Col 1:4-5; 1 Thes 1:3; 5:8). Of the three, the greatest . . . is love, because love is the quintessential nature of God himself (see 1 Jn 4:7-12, 16-21). So love should epitomize our relationship with him and others.”