Respecting the Author's Intention in Interpersonal Relationships
The concept of respecting the author's intention in interpersonal relationships, particularly within a Christian framework, emphasizes thoughtful communication, discretion, and a focus on maintaining harmony. This principle is rooted in various biblical texts that encourage careful speech, understanding, and mutual consideration.
One foundational aspect of respecting intention is the idea of speaking from a place of sincerity and clarity. The book of Job highlights this, with Elihu stating, "My words shall be of the uprightness of my heart... and my lips shall utter knowledge clearly" [11]. This suggests that genuine communication originates from an honest inner disposition, aiming to convey understanding rather than obscure it. When individuals speak from "uprightness of heart," their words are intended to be sincere and faithful expressions of their true sentiments [11]. This aligns with the idea that clear communication helps prevent misunderstandings and fosters better relationships.
Discretion and understanding are also presented as vital for preserving relationships. Proverbs 2:11 states, "discretion shall keep thee, understanding shall preserve thee" [2]. This verse implies that thoughtful judgment and insight are protective qualities in interactions, safeguarding individuals and their connections. The ability to moderate emotions and adapt one's communication style to the context is crucial for ensuring that others are receptive to what is being said, rather than reacting defensively [6]. This careful approach to communication demonstrates respect for the listener and their potential response.
The New Testament further develops the theme of mutual respect and consideration. Romans 12:16 exhorts believers to "Have the same respect one for another, not minding high things, but going along with the lowly: be not wise in your own eyes" [3]. This passage encourages humility and an egalitarian approach to relationships, where individuals value each other equally and avoid intellectual arrogance. Matthew Henry, in his commentary on Romans, notes the apostle Paul's persistent emphasis on "mutual forbearance in indifferent things" to "allay the heat, and to beget a better temper" among Christians [8]. This highlights the importance of patience and understanding when differences arise, suggesting an intention to preserve unity despite varying perspectives.
A significant element of respecting intention involves the handling of transgressions and faults. Proverbs 17:9 advises, "He who conceals a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends" [1]. This proverb underscores the value of forgiveness and discretion in maintaining close relationships. Dwelling on another's faults or repeatedly bringing them up can be destructive, whereas choosing to overlook or forgive a transgression is an act of love that strengthens bonds [4]. This principle suggests that the intention behind addressing or not addressing a fault should be to foster love and preserve friendship, rather than to shame or alienate.
The choice of companions also reflects an understanding of relational intentions. Matthew Henry cautions against intimacy with "a passionate man," noting that while civility is due to all, one should be "wise and wary in the choice of a friend" [7]. The rationale is that friendship involves accommodating one another, and it would be unwise to enter into such a bond with someone whose volatile nature would make accommodation difficult or foolish [7]. This implies an intentional selection of relationships that are conducive to mutual respect and healthy interaction.
The apostle John, in 2 John 1:12, expresses a preference for face-to-face communication over written correspondence for certain matters, stating, "I have many things that I might write to thee, but I think it best not to commit them to paper, because I hope to visit thee shortly, and speak fully of those matters, which will be a means of increasing the comfort both of thee and thy family, as well as my own" [9]. Adam Clarke interprets this as an acknowledgment that "There is more comfort in mutual interviews among friends than in epistolary correspondence" [9]. This illustrates an awareness that the medium of communication can impact the reception and understanding of a message, and that direct, personal interaction can better convey intention and foster comfort.
Furthermore, recognizing and honoring the contributions of others is part of respecting their intentions and efforts. Paul, in 1 Corinthians 16:18, speaks of individuals who "have refreshed my spirit and yours," and therefore exhorts the Corinthians to "Acknowledge ye them" [10]. Clarke interprets this as paying "particular respect" and holding them "in esteem in proportion to their work and usefulness" [10]. This suggests that acknowledging the positive impact and good intentions of others is a way to show respect and encourage further beneficial actions. It establishes a standard where respect is given based on merit and usefulness, rather than "foolish and capricious attachments" [10].
The broader call for maturity in understanding and conduct, as seen in Hebrews 6:3, also relates to respecting intentions [5]. The author of Hebrews implicitly encourages readers to grow not only in their intellectual grasp but in all aspects of their lives, including their interactions [5]. This holistic maturity would naturally include a greater capacity for discerning and respecting the intentions of others, leading to more harmonious and constructive relationships.
Sources
- Proverbs “Proverbs 17:9 (NASB) — He who conceals a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.”
- Proverbs “Proverbs 2:11 (Darby) — discretion shall keep thee, understanding shall preserve thee:”
- Romans “Romans 12:16 (Darby) — Have the same respect one for another, not minding high things, but going along with the lowly: be not wise in your own eyes:”
- Proverbs (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Proverbs 17:9: 17:9 Maintaining a good relationship with another person means forgiving rather than dwelling on faults.”
- Hebrews (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Hebrews 6:3: 6:3 The author is implicitly exhorting his readers to maturity, not only in their understanding but in everything (cp. 4:11; 5:14; 10:23-39; 12:1-13).”
- Proverbs (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Proverbs 15:1: 15:1 Moderating emotions and suiting them to the context helps others listen to what we say without reacting.”
- Proverbs (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Proverbs 22:24: Here is, 1. A good caution against being intimate with a passionate man. It is the law of friendship that we accommodate ourselves to our friends and be ready to serve them, and therefore we ought to be wise and wary in the choice of a friend, that we come not under the sacred tie to any one whom it would be our folly to accommodate ourselves to. Thought we must be civil to all, yet we must be careful whom we lay in our bosoms and contract a familiarity with. And, among others, a man who is easily provoked, touchy, and apt to resent affronts, who, when he is in”
- Romans (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Romans 15 (introduction): The apostle, in this chapter, continues the discourse of the former, concerning mutual forbearance in indifferent things; and so draws towards a conclusion of the epistle. Where such differences of apprehension, and consequently distances of affection, are among Christians, there is need of precept upon precept, line upon line, to allay the heat, and to beget a better temper. The apostle, being desirous to drive the nail home, as a nail in a sure place, follows his blow, unwilling to leave the subject till he has some hopes of prevailing, to which end”
- 2 John (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on 2 John 1:12: Having many things to write - That is, I have many things that I might write to thee, but I think it best not to commit them to paper, because I hope to visit thee shortly, and speak fully of those matters, which will be a means of increasing the comfort both of thee and thy family, as well as my own. There is more comfort in mutual interviews among friends than in epistolaty correspondence,”
- 1 Corinthians (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on 1 Corinthians 16:18: They have refreshed my spirit and yours - They have been a means of contributing greatly to my comfort; and what contributes to my comfort must increase yours. This is probably the meaning of the apostle. Therefore acknowledge ye them - Pay them particular respect, and let all be held in esteem in proportion to their work and usefulness. When this is made the rule of respect and esteem, then foolish and capricious attachments will have no place. A man will then be honored in proportion to his merit; and his merit will be estimated by his usefulness among men”
- Job (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Job 33:3: My words shall be of the uprightness of my heart,.... Not that the uprightness of his heart, or his own personal integrity, should be the subject of his discourse; but what he should say would be in or out of the uprightness of his heart, with all sincerity and faithfulness; what would be the real sentiments of his mind, and not proceed from a double or insincere heart: and my lips shall utter knowledge clearly; what knowledge he had of God, and of the perfections of his nature, and of his works in nature and grace, and of his dealings in a providential way with the so”