Responding To Unreciprocated Birthday Gift Giving
The concept of gift-giving is deeply rooted in biblical and cultural traditions. In the biblical context, gift-giving was a significant social practice, with the Hebrew language possessing multiple expressions for the idea of giving or receiving a gift [1]. The refusal of a gift was considered a high indignity, and not bringing a gift when expected was seen as an insult.
In the context of Christian worship, gift-giving takes on a spiritual dimension. According to Augustine, a gift presented to God must be offered with a reconciled heart; if a person remembers they have a brother with something against them, they should leave their gift before the altar, reconcile with their brother, and then return to offer their gift [2]. This teaching highlights the importance of relational integrity in the act of giving.
The nature of a gift is also explored in Catholic Scholastic theology. Thomas Aquinas defines a gift as an unreturnable giving, citing Aristotle, and associates it with gratuitous donation motivated by love. In the context of the Trinity, Aquinas argues that "Gift" is a proper name for the Holy Ghost, as it signifies a gratuitous donation [3].
The Jewish tradition, as reflected in the Babylonian Talmud, also grapples with the concept of gift-giving. The Talmud discusses the conditions under which a gift is considered valid and whether it must be returned. For instance, if a gift is given on the condition that it be returned, it is considered a valid gift [6]. The Talmud also explores the nuances of gift-giving in the context of betrothal and the obligations that arise from it [7].
In the context of unreciprocated gift-giving, such as on birthdays, the sources offer insights into the complexities of gift-giving. The Babylonian Talmud notes that a gift that is not absolute, i.e., one that is given with the expectation of return or with conditions, is not considered a true gift [5, 8]. This raises questions about the motivations behind gift-giving and the expectations that accompany it.
The Reformed tradition, as represented by John Gill's commentary on Romans, understands the gifts of God to be irrevocable, highlighting the unconditional nature of divine giving [4]. This contrasts with human gift-giving, which can be complicated by expectations of reciprocity.
In responding to unreciprocated birthday gift-giving, one might consider the cultural and relational context in which the gift was given. If a gift is given with the expectation of return or reciprocity, it may not be considered a true gift. However, if the gift is given gratuitously, without expectation of return, it reflects a more selfless and loving motivation.
Ultimately, the practice of gift-giving, including on occasions like birthdays, is shaped by a complex interplay of cultural, relational, and theological factors. Understanding the nature of gift-giving and the expectations that surround it can help navigate situations where gifts are not reciprocated.
The historical and theological perspectives on gift-giving underscore the importance of considering the motivations and expectations behind the act. As the early Christian fathers and Jewish sages grappled with the complexities of gift-giving, so too must contemporary Christians reflect on the significance of their own gift-giving practices.
The act of gift-giving, when done with integrity and without expectation of return, can be a powerful expression of love and generosity. As the sources illustrate, the concept of gift-giving is multifaceted, and its meaning can vary across different cultural and theological contexts.
Sources
- Smith's Bible Dictionary “Smith's Bible Dictionary: Gift — The giving and receiving of presents has in all ages been not only a more frequent but also a more formal and significant proceeding in the East than among ourselves. We cannot adduce a more remarkable proof of the important part which presents play in the social life of the East than the fact that the Hebrew language possesses no less than fifteen different expressions for the one idea. The mode of presentation was with as much parade as possible. The refusal of a present was regarded us a high indignity. No less an insult was it not to bring a present when th”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 6: Augustine — Homilies on the Gospels — CHAP. X.--26. Next there follows here: "Therefore, if thou hast brought[4] thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, (part 1): 27. And so we may interpret the altar spiritually, as being faith itself in the inner temple of God, whose emblem is the visible altar. For whatever offering we present to God, whether prophecy, or teaching, or prayer, or a psalm, or a hymn, and whatever other such like spiritual gift occurs to the mind, it cannot be acceptable to God, ”
- theology (Catholic (Scholastic)) “Aquinas, Summa Theologica, First Part (Prima Pars), Of the Name of the Holy Ghost, as Gift, Art. 2: Article: Whether "Gift" is the proper name of the Holy Ghost? I answer that, Gift, taken personally in God, is the proper name of the Holy Ghost. In proof of this we must know that a gift is properly an unreturnable giving, as Aristotle says (Topic. iv, 4)---i.e. a thing which is not given with the intention of a return---and it thus contains the idea of a gratuitous donation. Now, the reason of donation being gratuitous is love; since therefore do we give something to anyone gratuitously forasm”
- Romans (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Romans 11:29: For the gifts and calling of God,.... By "gifts" are meant, not the gifts of nature and providence, as life, health, strength, riches, and honour, which God sometimes gives, and repents of, and takes away; as he repented that he had made man upon earth, and Saul king of Israel; which must be understood by an "anthropopathy", after the manner of men, and that not of a change of the counsel of his mind, but of the course of his providence: nor do gifts here design external gifts of grace, or such gifts of the Spirit, which qualify men for ministerial work, for public s”
- Babylonian Talmud (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Babylonian Talmud, Nedarim 183a.95:7: The recipient said: If they are mine, they are all hereby consecrated to Heaven, i.e., the Temple, and are forbidden to everyone. The son said to him in anger: And did I give you my property so that you should consecrate it to Heaven? He, the recipient, said to him: You gave me your property only so that you and your father would eat and drink and thereby appease each other, and the sin of transgressing the vow would be hung on his, i.e., my, head, as I enabled the transgression. The Sages therefore said: Any gift that is not so absolute so that if the rec”
- Babylonian Talmud (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Babylonian Talmud, Bava Batra 137b.5: Rava says: If one person said to another: This etrog is given to you as a gift on the condition that you return it to me, and the recipient took it on Sukkot and attempted to fulfill his obligation with it, if he ultimately returned it, he has fulfilled his obligation; if he did not return it, he has not fulfilled his obligation, as he did not fulfill the condition, thereby retroactively invalidating the gift. The Gemara explains that Rava teaches us that a gift given on the condition that it be returned is considered a valid gift.”
- Babylonian Talmud (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Babylonian Talmud, Bava Batra 146a.7: The question arose as to whether the presents must be returned to the betrothed’s heirs. And Rabbi Aḥa Sar HaBira raised this halakha before the Sages in Usha, and they said: Presents that are typically consumed are not collected, and those that are not typically consumed are collected. One can conclude from this incident that even if the betrothed only drank, some of the presents cannot be reclaimed.”
- Babylonian Talmud (Jewish (Rabbinic)) “Babylonian Talmud, Nedarim 48a.7: The recipient said: If they are mine, they are all hereby consecrated to Heaven, i.e., the Temple, and are forbidden to everyone. The son said to him in anger: And did I give you my property so that you should consecrate it to Heaven? He, the recipient, said to him: You gave me your property only so that you and your father would eat and drink and thereby appease each other, and the sin of transgressing the vow would be hung on his, i.e., my, head, as I enabled the transgression. The Sages therefore said: Any gift that is not so absolute so that if the recipie”