Seeking God's Guidance in Post-Widowhood Dating Decisions
The Bible offers guidance for widows considering remarriage, emphasizing both practical considerations and spiritual devotion. While the Old Testament provided for widows through family and community support, it did not restrict remarriage [3, 4]. The New Testament, particularly in Paul's epistles, addresses the topic more directly, offering counsel that balances personal liberty with spiritual well-being.
In 1 Corinthians, Paul states that a wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives, but upon his death, she is "at liberty to marry whom she will" [6]. This passage clarifies that second marriages are not unlawful [6]. However, Paul also expresses a preference, stating, "I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide" [10]. This advice is not a command but a recommendation, particularly in light of "the present distress" [7]. Adam Clarke suggests this "distress" refers to the challenging circumstances faced by early Christians, implying that remaining single might have been more comfortable during that period [7]. Despite this, Paul acknowledges that not everyone has "the gift of continence," and for those who do not, marriage is permissible [10].
The book of 1 Timothy further elaborates on the status of widows within the early church. Paul instructs that younger widows should marry, bear children, manage their households, and avoid giving opponents occasion for reproach [9, 12]. This counsel is presented as an antidote to idleness and potential moral failings, as some younger widows had already "turned aside after Satan" [11]. The Jamieson, Fausset & Brown commentary notes that this recommendation for remarriage is distinct from the situation of older widows (sixty or upwards) who might have taken vows of service to the church [5, 9]. For these older widows, remaining unmarried was seen as a way to better serve Christ [5].
A widow's hope and trust in God are central to her spiritual life. 1 Timothy 5:5 states, "Now she who is a widow indeed, and desolate, has her hope set on God, and continues in petitions and prayers night and day" [1]. This verse highlights the spiritual devotion expected of widows, particularly those who are truly "desolate" [1, 2]. The decision to remarry, therefore, should be approached with prayer and a continued reliance on God.
The concept of a "guide of her youth" is mentioned in Proverbs 2:17, referring to a husband to whom a woman was married in her youth and to whom she gave herself to be guided [8]. While this verse speaks to the covenant of marriage, its primary context is about a woman who forsakes this guide for illicit relationships [8]. For a widow, the "guide of her youth" has passed, and she is free to consider a new relationship.
Sources
- 1 Timothy “Now she who is a widow indeed, and desolate, has her hope set on God, and continues in petitions and prayers night and day. -- 1 Timothy 5:5”
- I Timothy “I Timothy 5:5 (KJV) — Now she that is a widow indeed, and desolate, trusteth in God, and continueth in supplications and prayers night and day.”
- Smith's Bible Dictionary “Smith's Bible Dictionary: Widow — Under the Mosaic dispensation no legal provision was made for the maintenance of widows. They were left dependent partly on the affection of relations, more especially of the eldest son, whose birthright, or extra share of the property, imposed such a duty upon him, and partly on the privileges accorded to other distressed classes, such as a participation in the triennial third tithe, (14:29; 26:12) in leasing, (24:19-21) and in religious feasts. (16:11,14) With regard to the remarriage of widows, the only restriction imposed by the Mosaic law had reference to”
- Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Widows — To be treated with kindness (Ex. 22:22; Deut. 14:29; 16:11, 14; 24:17, 19-21; 26:12; 27:19, etc.). In the New Testament the same tender regard for them is inculcated (Acts 6:1-6; 1 Tim. 5:3-16) and exhibited.”
- 1 Timothy (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Timothy 5:12: Having--Bringing on themselves, and so having to bear as a burden (Gal 5:10) judgment from God (compare Ti1 3:6), weighing like a load on them. cast off their first faith--namely, pledged to Christ and the service of the Church. There could be no hardship at the age of sixty or upwards in not marrying again (end of Ti1 5:9), for the sake of serving better the cause of Christ as presbyteresses; though, to ordinary widows, no barrier existed against remarriage (Co1 7:39). This is altogether distinct from Rome's unnatural vows of celibacy in the case”
- 1 Corinthians (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on 1 Corinthians 7:39: The whole is here closed up with advice to widows: As long as the husband liveth the wife is bound by the law, confined to one husband, and bound to continue and cohabit with him. Note, The marriage - contract is for life; death only can annul the bond. But, the husband being dead, she is at liberty to marry whom she will. There is no limitation by God's law to be married only for such a number of times. It is certain, from this passage, that second marriages are not unlawful; for then the widow could not be at liberty to marry whom she pleased, nor to marr”
- 1 Corinthians (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on 1 Corinthians 7:40: But she is happier if she so abide - If she continue in her widowhood because of the present distress; for this must always be taken in, that consistency in the apostle's reasoning may be preserved. If this were not understood, how could St. Paul tell the widow that it would be more happy for her to continue in her widowhood than to remarry? She who had tried both the state of celibacy and the state of marriage could certainly best tell which was most for her comfort; and he could not tell any thing but by an express revelation from heaven, relative to the fu”
- Proverbs (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Proverbs 2:17: Which forsaketh the guide of her youth,.... Not God, the God of her life, and who had provided for her from her youth up; nor her parent that had taken care of her in her infancy, and had been the guardian of her virgin state; but her husband, to whom she was married in her youth, and to whom she gave up herself to be guided and directed, ruled and governed, by: and as it is an aggravation of evil in a man to deal treacherously against the wife of his youth, and the wife of his covenant, Mal 2:14; so it is in a woman to forsake "the friend" or "companion of her yout”
- 1 Timothy (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Timothy 5:14: younger women--rather, as ellipsis ought to be supplied, "the younger widows," namely younger widows in general, as distinguished from the older widows taken on the roll of presbyteresses (Ti1 5:9). The "therefore" means seeing that young widows are exposed to such temptations, "I will," or "desire," &c. (Ti1 5:11-13). The precept here that they should marry again is not inconsistent with Co1 7:40; for the circumstances of the two cases were distinct (compare Co1 7:26). Here remarriage is recommended as an antidote to sexual passion, idleness, and t”
- 1 Corinthians (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on 1 Corinthians 7:8: I say therefore to the unmarried and widows,.... Not by way of command, but advice: by the "unmarried" he means, either such men who never were in a married state, or else such who had been married, but their wives were dead; which latter sense seems more agreeable, since they are joined with "widows", who had lost their husbands: it is good for them if they abide; unmarried, and do not change their condition any more; not that it was sinful to marry again, for he allows of it in the next verse, in case they have not the gift of continence; and therefore "good”
- 1 Timothy (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on 1 Timothy 5:15: For some are already turned aside after Satan. Meaning some of those younger widows, whom the apostle knew, and had observed to have departed from the faith they first professed, and turned their backs on Christ, and gave themselves up to carnal lusts and pleasures, and an idle and impure life and conversation, walked according to the course of this world, and the prince of it, by whom they were led captive at his will; for so everyone that apostatizes from a profession of Christ, and follows either false teachers, and their doctrines, as the Gnostics, that condemn”
- 1 Timothy (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Timothy 5:14: 5:14 Paul is advising younger widows to remarry—and to marry believers (5:11-12; cp. 2:15). • not . . . say anything against them: Their actions were hurting their testimony for the Good News (see 1 Thes 4:11-12; Titus 2:8).”