Setting Boundaries in Relationships According to Biblical Principles
Biblical principles for setting boundaries in relationships are rooted in the concept of covenant and the ethical expectations God has for human interaction. The Ten Commandments, for instance, delineate behaviors expected in both the divine-human relationship and human-to-human relationships, with the latter six instructions (Exodus 20:12-17) directly addressing how people should treat one another [8].
Marriage is presented as a foundational covenant relationship, divinely instituted and designed for human happiness and the raising of godly offspring [4, 12]. This covenant involves a shift of loyalty from parents to spouse, where "a man leaves . . . and is joined" to his wife, and "the two are united into one" [12]. This union is intended to be inseparable and exclusive [12]. The Mosaic law regulated the dissolution of marriage, though Christ later limited the permission of divorce to cases of adultery, thereby establishing a stricter boundary for the Christian church [2]. The Bible also prohibits marriages within certain degrees of affinity, as enumerated in Leviticus 18:6-17 [6].
Beyond marriage, biblical teachings emphasize love for others within the community of faith, described as "brotherly love" [7]. This love is commanded by God and Christ, and it is presented as an active and abiding principle [5]. Christian conduct should be guided by two primary principles: doing everything for the glory of God and avoiding giving offense or harming another person's faith [11]. This means that believers should prioritize what is best for others over personal privilege [11].
The concept of boundaries also appears in the context of legal and social order. Moses, for example, judged disputes between individuals and made known God's statutes and laws, establishing clear guidelines for conduct [1]. Similarly, the statutes given to Moses included specific instructions regarding relationships between a man and his wife, and a father and his daughter [3]. These examples illustrate that God's law provides a framework for ordered relationships, defining acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. The Old Testament often uses marriage as a symbol for the covenant relationship between God and his people, with adultery symbolizing spiritual unfaithfulness, further underscoring the importance of fidelity and defined roles within relationships [9, 10].
Sources
- Exodus “When they have a matter, they come to me, and I judge between a man and his neighbor, and I make them know the statutes of God, and his laws.” -- Exodus 18:16”
- Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Divorce — The dissolution of the marriage tie was regulated by the Mosaic law (Deut. 24:1-4). The Jews, after the Captivity, were reguired to dismiss the foreign women they had married contrary to the law (Ezra 10:11-19). Christ limited the permission of divorce to the single case of adultery. It seems that it was not uncommon for the Jews at that time to dissolve the union on very slight pretences (Matt. 5:31, 32; 19:1-9; Mark 10:2-12; Luke 16:18). These precepts given by Christ regulate the law of divorce in the Christian Church.”
- Numbers “These are the statutes which Yahweh commanded Moses, between a man and his wife, between a father and his daughter, being in her youth, in her father’s house. -- Numbers 30:16”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Marriage — Divinely instituted -- Ge 2:24. A covenant relationship -- Mal 2:4. Designed for The happiness of man. -- Ge 2:18. Increasing the human population. -- Ge 1:28; 9:1. Raising up godly seed. -- Mal 2:15. Preventing fornication. -- 1Co 7:2. The expectation of the promised seed of the woman an incentive to, in the early age -- Ge 3:15; 4:1. Lawful in all -- 1Co 7:2,28; 1Ti 5:14. Honourable for all -- Heb 13:4. Should be only in the Lord -- 1Co 7:39. Expressed by Joining together. -- Mt 19:6. Making affinity. -- 1Ki 3:1. Taking to wife. -- Ex 2:1. Giving daughte”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Love to Man — Is of God -- 1Jo 4:7. Commanded by God -- 1Jo 4:21. Commanded by Christ -- Joh 13:34; 15:12; 1Jo 3:23. After the example of Christ -- Joh 13:34; 15:12; Eph 5:2. Taught by God -- 1Th 4:9. Faith works by -- Ga 5:6. A fruit of the Spirit -- Ga 5:22; Col 1:8. Purity of heart leads to -- 1Pe 1:22. Explained -- 1Co 13:4-7. Is an active principle -- 1Th 1:3; Heb 6:10. Is an abiding principle -- 1Co 13:8,13. Is the second great commandment -- Mt 22:37-39. Is the end of the commandment -- 1Ti 1:5. Supernatural gifts are nothing without -- 1Co 13:1,2. The greates”
- Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Affinity — Relationship by alliance (2 Chr. 18:1) or by marriage (1 Kings 3:1). Marriages are prohibited within certain degrees of affinity, enumerated Lev. 18:6-17. Consanguinity is relationship by blood.”
- Hebrews (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Hebrews 13:1: 13:1-6 This series of practical guidelines is similar to other ethics lists in the New Testament. It describes how to love others in the community of faith, a strong ethical foundation for all of life. 13:1 Keep on loving each other as brothers and sisters: Literally Continue in brotherly love. This instruction applies to everyone in the Christian community (see study notes on 2:11; 3:1).”
- Exodus (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Exodus 20:3: 20:3-17 The terms of the covenant specify the behavior the people were expected to manifest if they were to be in a covenant with God. Only the first four instructions (20:2-11) relate directly to God, while the remaining six (20:12-17) have to do with human-to-human relationships. A covenant with God stipulates how we are to treat each other because God is profoundly ethical, and he expects us to manifest his character in all our relationships. Other law codes in the ancient Near East did not incorporate such absolute prohibitions, probably because polytheism mit”
- Ezek (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ezek 23:4: 23:4 Marriage is commonly used in the Bible as a symbol for the covenant relationship between God and his people (e.g., Isa 54:1-8; Eph 5:22-33). Adultery symbolizes Israel’s spiritual unfaithfulness (e.g., Hos 1–3). God makes his covenants in spite of, not because of, his people’s character (Rom 5:6-11).”
- Ezekiel (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ezekiel 23:4: 23:4 Marriage is commonly used in the Bible as a symbol for the covenant relationship between God and his people (e.g., Isa 54:1-8; Eph 5:22-33). Adultery symbolizes Israel’s spiritual unfaithfulness (e.g., Hos 1–3). God makes his covenants in spite of, not because of, his people’s character (Rom 5:6-11).”
- 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 10:31: 10:31-33 Paul concludes his discussion by summarizing the two principles that are to guide Christian behavior in issues like this: (1) Believers are to do everything for the glory of God (see Col 3:17; 1 Pet 4:11); (2) believers are not to give offense and should avoid doing anything that would harm another person’s Christian faith (cp. 1 Cor 8:9, 13; 1 Jn 2:10). Christians’ behavior is to be guided by what is best for others rather than by personal privilege (cp. Rom 14:13-15, 19-21; 15:1-2). These two basic principles lie at the heart of Paul’s advice on”
- Genesis (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Genesis 2:24: 2:24 Marriage between a man and a woman is not just a human social construct but is rooted in the created order. • a man leaves . . . and is joined: Marriage entails a shift of loyalty from parents to spouse. • the two are united into one: Marriage and its commitments make it the most fundamental covenant relationship observed among humans. Marriage is a powerful image of Israel’s covenant with God (Hos 2:14-23) and of Christ’s relationship to the church (Eph 5:22-32). Marriage is designed as an inseparable, exclusive relationship between a man and a woman. The f”