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Sexual Intimacy in Marriage and Christian Holiness

Holiness, in its highest sense, belongs to God [1]. Christians are called to holiness, which involves being consecrated to God's service and conforming to His will [1]. This call to holiness extends to all aspects of life, including sexual intimacy within marriage [8]. The Bible commands holiness [2], and Christ desires it for His people [2].

The concept of holiness is foundational to Christian ethics, not merely a philosophical ideal [8]. It encompasses a person's entire life [8], and in the context of marriage, it specifically involves abstaining from sexual sin, defined as any sexual union outside of marriage (Greek porneia) [8]. The Apostle Paul, in 1 Thessalonians 4:3, states, "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality" [8].

Marriage itself is to be held in honor, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled [4]. God will judge those who are sexually immoral and adulterers [4]. The moral order of marriage is considered higher and holier than the natural order, and it is crucial for the well-being of both domestic life and the civil community [12]. Fidelity and chastity are the foundations of marriage [12]. The Old Testament, particularly in Leviticus 18, warns against the licentious customs of surrounding cultures and exhorts God's people to walk in His judgments and ordinances regarding sexual conduct [13].

Within the bounds of marriage, sexual intimacy is presented as a mutual right and responsibility. In 1 Corinthians 7:3-4, Paul instructs married Christians to be considerate of their spouses' sexual needs, stating that sexual intimacy should not be withheld [7]. Marriage involves yielding authority over one's body to one's spouse, though this authority is not to be abused [7]. This perspective emphasizes the reciprocal nature of sexual relations within marriage, where both partners have a claim on each other's bodies [7].

The idea of holiness is not limited to individual piety but can also extend to relationships. For instance, in 1 Corinthians 7:14, Paul suggests that a Christian spouse brings holiness to an unbelieving spouse by remaining committed to the marriage [10]. This holiness also benefits the children of such a union [10]. However, John Chrysostom clarifies that while "marriage is honorable" and "pure," it does not inherently give holiness [11]. Instead, marriage preserves the holiness that proceeds from faith by preventing defilement through illicit unions [11]. He distinguishes between the holiness that comes from faith and the purity of marriage itself, noting that marriage prevents union with a harlot but does not confer holiness in the same way faith does [11].

Holiness is a work of gradual development in a Christian's life [1]. It is carried out despite many hindrances, necessitating watchfulness, prayer, and perseverance [1]. The Holy Spirit indwells believers, serving as the means of quickening, guiding, and fruit-bearing in their lives [3]. This indwelling is a proof of being Christ's and a sign of adoption [3]. The example of Christ is the perfect standard for holiness, righteousness, purity, love, humility, and obedience [5]. Christians are called to conform to His example [5].

The concept of a "holy kiss" is mentioned in the New Testament (Romans 16:16; 1 Thessalonians 5:26; 1 Corinthians 16:20), which was a customary affectionate salutation among early Christians, symbolizing mutual love, particularly in the context of the Lord's Supper [6, 9]. This practice highlights the communal aspect of Christian holiness and affection.

Sources

  1. Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Holiness — In the highest sense belongs to God (Isa. 6:3; Rev. 15:4), and to Christians as consecrated to God's service, and in so far as they are conformed in all things to the will of God (Rom. 6:19, 22; Eph. 1:4; Titus 1:8; 1 Pet. 1:15). Personal holiness is a work of gradual development. It is carried on under many hindrances, hence the frequent admonitions to watchfulness, prayer, and perseverance (1 Cor. 1:30; 2 Cor. 7:1; Eph. 4:23, 24). (See [280]SANCTIFICATION.)”
  2. Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Holiness — Commanded -- Le 11:45; 20:7; Eph 5:8; Col 3:12; Ro 12:1. Christ Desires for his people. -- Joh 17:17. Effects, in his people. -- Eph 5:25-27. An example of. -- Heb 7:26; 1Pe 2:21,22. The character of God, the standard of -- Le 19:2; 1Pe 1:15,16; Eph 5:1. The character of Christ, the standard of -- Ro 8:29; 1Jo 2:6; Php 2:5. The gospel the way of -- Isa 35:8. Necessary to God's worship -- Ps 24:3,4. None shall see God without -- Eph 5:5; Heb 12:14. Saints Elected to. -- Ro 8:29; Eph 1:4. Called to. -- 1Th 4:7; 2Ti 1:9. New created in. -- Eph 4:24. Possess. ”
  3. Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Indwelling of the Holy Spirit, The — In his Church, as his temple -- 1Co 3:16. In the body of saints, as his temple -- 1Co 6:19; 2Co 6:16. Promised to saints -- Eze 36:27. Saints enjoy -- Isa 63:11; 2Ti 1:14. Saints full of -- Ac 6:5; Eph 5:18. Is the means of Quickening. -- Ro 8:11. Guiding. -- Joh 16:13; Ga 5:18. Fruit bearing. -- Ga 5:22. A proof of being Christ's -- Ro 8:9; 1Jo 4:13. A proof of adoption -- Ro 8:15; Ga 4:5. Is abiding -- 1Jo 2:27. Those who have not Are sensual. -- Jude 1:19. Are without Christ. -- Ro 8:9. Opposed by the carnal nature -- Ga 5:17.”
  4. Hebrews “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled: but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers. -- Hebrews 13:4”
  5. Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Example of Christ, The — Is perfect -- Heb 7:26. Conformity to, required in Holiness. -- 1Pe 1:15,16; Ro 1:6. Righteousness. -- 1Jo 2:6. Purity. -- 1Jo 3:3. Love. -- Joh 13:34; Eph 5:2; 1Jo 3:16. Humility. -- Lu 22:27; Php 2:5,7. Meekness. -- Mt 11:29. Obedience. -- Joh 15:10. Self-denial. -- Mt 16:24; Ro 15:3. Ministering to others. -- Mt 20:28; Joh 13:14,15. Benevolence. -- Ac 20:35; 2Co 8:7,9. Forgiving injuries. -- Col 3:13. Overcoming the world. -- Joh 16:33; 1Jo 5:4. Being not of the world. -- Joh 17:16. Being guileless. -- 1Pe 2:21-22. Suffering wrongfully. --”
  6. Smith's Bible Dictionary “Smith's Bible Dictionary: Kiss — Kissing the lips by way of affectionate salutation was customary among near relatives of both sexes, in both patriarchal and later times. (Genesis 29:11; Song of Solomon 8:1) Between individuals of the same sex, and in a limited degree between those of different sexes, the kiss on the cheek as a mark of respect or an act of salutation has at all times been customary in the East, and can hardly be said to be extinct even in Europe. In the Christian Church the kiss of charity was practiced not only as a friendly salutation, but as an act symbolical of love and Ch”
  7. 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 7:3: 7:3-4 Because of the temptation to sexual immorality, married Christians must always be considerate of the sexual needs of their spouses. Sexual intimacy is a mutual right for both spouses in a marriage and must not be withheld. Marriage includes yielding the authority over one’s body to one’s spouse, though such authority is clearly not to be abused.”
  8. 1 Thessalonians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Thessalonians 4:3: 4:3 God’s will is for you to be holy: The foundation of Christian ethics is not philosophical speculation about virtue but doing God’s will (Rom 12:1-2; Eph 6:6; Heb 10:36; 13:20-21). Holiness (1 Thes 4:4, 7) embraces all of a person’s life (5:23); here it involves staying away from sexual sin (Greek porneia, any sexual union outside marriage).”
  9. 1 Corinthians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Corinthians 16:20: holy kiss--the token of the mutual love of Christians, especially at the Lord's Supper (compare Rom 16:16; Th1 5:26), "in which all the dissensions of the Corinthians would be swallowed up" [BENGEL].”
  10. 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 7:14: 7:14 By remaining committed to the marriage, the Christian brings holiness to the unbelieving spouse. Such holiness extends to the children, who also benefit from the holiness of a Christian parent (cp. Mal 2:15).”
  11. CCEL/NPNF (Eastern Orthodox) “John Chrysostom, Homilies on John & Hebrews: “holiness,” but marriage preserves the holiness which [proceeds] from Faith, not permitting union with a harlot. For “marriage is honorable” ( c. xiii. 4 ), not holy. Marriage is pure: it does not however also give holiness, except by forbidding the defilement of that [holiness] which has been given by our Faith. “Without which” (he says) “no man shall see the Lord.” Which he also says in the [Epistle] to the Corinthians. “Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor adulterers, nor idolaters, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor”
  12. Deuteronomy (Lutheran) “Keil & Delitzsch on Deuteronomy 22:13: Laws of Chastity and Marriage. - Higher and still holier than the order of nature stands the moral order of marriage, upon which the well-being not only of domestic life, but also of the civil commonwealth of nations, depends. Marriage must be founded upon fidelity and chastity on the part of those who are married. To foster this, and secure it against outbreaks of malice and evil lust, was the design and object of the laws which follow. The first (Deu 22:13-21) relates to the chastity of a woman on entering into the married state, which might be called i”
  13. Leviticus (Lutheran) “Keil & Delitzsch on Leviticus 18:1: Holiness of the Marriage Relation. - The prohibition of incest and similar sensual abominations is introduced with a general warning as to the licentious customs of the Egyptians and Canaanites, and an exhortation to walk in the judgments and ordinances of Jehovah (Lev 18:2-5), and is brought to a close with a threatening allusion to the consequences of all such defilements (Lev 18:24-30). Lev 18:1-4 By the words, "I am Jehovah your God," which are placed at the head and repeated at the close (Lev 18:30), the observance of the command is enforced upon the pe”
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