Submission and Headship in Marriage and Relationships
The concepts of submission and headship in marriage and relationships are frequently addressed in the New Testament, particularly in the epistles of Paul and Peter. These passages outline specific roles and responsibilities within the marital relationship, often drawing parallels to broader Christian principles of authority and mutual respect [2, 3, 4].
Ephesians 5:21 serves as a foundational text, stating, "submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God" [4]. This verse is understood by some as a general principle of mutual submission among Christians, which then informs the specific duties within various relationships, including marriage [4, 5]. Following this general exhortation, Paul instructs wives to submit to their own husbands "as unto the Lord" (Ephesians 5:22) [3, 7]. This submission is not to a stranger but to "your own" husband, emphasizing the unique bond and commitment within marriage [3, 8]. Similarly, Colossians 3:18 states, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord" [6]. This duty of submission for wives is also found in 1 Peter 3:1, where wives are exhorted to "accept the authority of" their husbands, with the understanding that God has appointed the husband as the head of the relationship [2]. In the ancient world, submission often took the form of obedience [2].
While wives are called to submit, husbands are simultaneously commanded to love their wives [7]. Ephesians 5:25 instructs husbands to "love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." This command to love is often seen as balancing the call for submission, ensuring that headship is exercised in a loving and respectful manner [2, 7]. Peter further elaborates on the husband's responsibility, stating that husbands should live with their wives "in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life" (1 Peter 3:7) [9]. This passage highlights the husband's duty to protect and care for his wife, acknowledging her potential physical or social vulnerability, while also affirming her equal status as a partner in God's gift of new life [9].
The concept of headship is also seen in the qualifications for elders in 1 Timothy, where an elder must manage his own household well, "having his children in submission with all dignity" (1 Timothy 3:4, Rotherham) [1]. This suggests a broader principle of responsible leadership within the household. The relationship between husband and wife is often presented as a reflection of the union between Christ and the Church [7].
Sources
- I Timothy “I Timothy 3:4 (Rotherham) — Over his own house, presiding, well, having, children, in submission, with all dignity;”
- 1 Peter (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Peter 3:1: 3:1-7 The last of Peter’s three exhortations about accepting authority (2:13–3:7) concerns wives and husbands (cp. Eph 5:21-33; Col 3:18-19). 3:1 accept the authority of (literally submit to): Wives are instructed to acknowledge that God has appointed the husband as head of the relationship (see 2:13; Eph 5:22-25). Submission in the ancient world took the form of obedience (see 1 Pet 3:6). God also intends the husband to be a loving and respectful head (3:7; see Eph 5:25-30). However, Peter focuses especially on wives with pagan husbands who would potentially be h”
- Ephesians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Ephesians 5:22: (Eph 6:9.) The Church's relation to Christ in His everlasting purpose, is the foundation and archetype of the three greatest of earthly relations, that of husband and wife (Eph 5:22-33), parent and child (Eph 6:1-4), master and servant (Eph 6:4-9). The oldest manuscripts omit "submit yourselves"; supplying it from Eph 5:21, "Ye wives (submitting yourselves) unto your own husbands." "Your own" is an argument for submissiveness on the part of the wives; it is not a stranger, but your own husbands whom you are called on to submit unto (compare Gen 3:16”
- Ephesians (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Ephesians 5:21: Here the apostle begins his exhortation to the discharge of relative duties. As a general foundation for these duties, he lays down that rule Eph 5:21. There is a mutual submission that Christians owe one to another, condescending to bear one another's burdens: not advancing themselves above others, nor domineering over one another and giving laws to one another. Paul was an example of this truly Christian temper, for he became all things to all men. We must be of a yielding and of a submissive spirit, and ready to all the duties of the respective places and st”
- Ephesians (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Ephesians 5:19: Submitting yourselves one to another,.... Which may be understood either in a political sense, of giving honour, obedience, and tribute, to civil magistrates, since they are set up by God for the good of men, and it is for the credit of religion for the saints to submit to them; or in an economical sense; thus the wife should be subject to the husband, children to their parents, and servants to their masters, which several things are afterwards insisted on, as explanative of this rule; or in an ecclesiastic sense, so the Ethiopic version renders it, "subject yourse”
- Colossians (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Colossians 3:18: The apostle concludes the chapter with exhortations to relative duties, as before in the epistle to the Ephesians. The epistles which are most taken up in displaying the glory of divine grace, and magnifying the Lord Jesus, are the most particular and distinct in pressing the duties of the several relations. We must never separate the privileges and duties of the gospel religion. I. He begins with the duties of wives and husbands (Col 3:18): Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Submission is the duty of wives, hupotassesth”
- Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:22: 5:22-33 Christian wives are to submit to their husbands, showing them respect. Equally important, Christian husbands are to love their wives (see Col 3:18-19). Christian marriages become a reflection of the union and relationship between the Lord and the church. 5:22 Submission is part of the life to which the wives’ Christian commitment calls them (see 1 Cor 11:3-10; 14:34-35; Col 3:18; 1 Tim 2:11-12; Titus 2:5; 1 Pet 3:1-6).”
- 1 Peter (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Peter 3 (introduction): RELATIVE DUTIES OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES: EXHORTATIONS TO LOVE AND FORBEARANCE: RIGHT CONDUCT UNDER PERSECUTIONS FOR RIGHTEOUSNESS' SAKE, AFTER CHRIST'S EXAMPLE, WHOSE DEATH RESULTED IN QUICKENING TO US THROUGH HIS BEING QUICKENED AGAIN, OF WHICH BAPTISM IS THE SACRAMENTAL SEAL. (1Pe. 3:1-22) Likewise--Greek, "In like manner," as "servants" in their sphere; compare the reason of the woman's subjection, Co1 11:8-10; Ti1 2:11-14. your own--enforcing the obligation: it is not strangers ye are required to be subject to. Every time that obedien”
- 1 Peter (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Peter 3:7: 3:7 In the same way: Like slaves and wives (2:18–3:6), husbands also have a particular responsibility within the household. • She may be weaker than you are: Peter was probably thinking of the woman’s physical strength and perhaps her social status. Since women are typically physically weaker than men and were often less able to assert themselves in that society, the husband had the duty of protecting and caring for his wife. • your equal partner in God’s gift of new life: The husband’s headship is balanced and informed by the equal status that men and women have ”