Submission and Love in Christian Relationships and Marriage
Ephesians 5 grounds Christian marriage in the relationship between Christ and the church, establishing a pattern of mutual self-giving that transcends mere hierarchy. Paul instructs wives to submit to their husbands "as the church submits to Christ" [1], while commanding husbands to "love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it" [4]. This dual instruction reflects what one commentary identifies as "the three greatest of earthly relations," all rooted in "the Church's relation to Christ in His everlasting purpose" [7].
The Foundation of Mutual Submission
Before addressing husbands and wives specifically, Paul establishes a general principle: believers are to "submit to one another" out of reverence for Christ [8, 9]. This mutual submission forms the foundation for all Christian relationships, requiring "a yielding and submissive spirit" rather than domineering over others [8]. The specific instructions to wives and husbands flow from this broader call to reciprocal deference within the body of Christ [9].
The Wife's Submission
Wives are called to submit to their own husbands "in everything" [1], a submission that mirrors the church's relationship to Christ [6]. The emphasis on "your own husbands" underscores that this is not submission to strangers or to men generally, but to the particular covenant partner [7]. This instruction appears consistently across the New Testament epistles, forming part of the household codes that shaped early Christian domestic life [6, 13].
The Husband's Sacrificial Love
The command to husbands carries equal weight but a different shape: they must love their wives "just as Christ loved the church—that is, sacrificially, for Christ gave up his life for her" [10]. One commentary presses the radical nature of this demand: even if a husband must "give thy life for her, or to be cut in ten thousand pieces," he still would not match what Christ did, "for you indeed do so being already united to her, but He did so for one that treated Him with enmity" [11]. This love is not sentimental but active, defined by the willingness to surrender one's own desires for another's good [12].
Marriage thus becomes "a reflection of the union and relationship between the Lord and the church" [6], with both partners called to imitate Christ's self-emptying humility [5]. The pattern is not unilateral authority but reciprocal sacrifice, each spouse submitting to the other through love [2, 3].
Sources
- Ephesians “Ephesians 5:24 (BSB) — Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
- Ephesians “Ephesians 5:2 (BSB) — and walk in love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant sacrificial offering to God.”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Love to Man — Is of God -- 1Jo 4:7. Commanded by God -- 1Jo 4:21. Commanded by Christ -- Joh 13:34; 15:12; 1Jo 3:23. After the example of Christ -- Joh 13:34; 15:12; Eph 5:2. Taught by God -- 1Th 4:9. Faith works by -- Ga 5:6. A fruit of the Spirit -- Ga 5:22; Col 1:8. Purity of heart leads to -- 1Pe 1:22. Explained -- 1Co 13:4-7. Is an active principle -- 1Th 1:3; Heb 6:10. Is an abiding principle -- 1Co 13:8,13. Is the second great commandment -- Mt 22:37-39. Is the end of the commandment -- 1Ti 1:5. Supernatural gifts are nothing without -- 1Co 13:1,2. The greates”
- Ephesians “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it; -- Ephesians 5:25”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Humility of Christ, The — Declared by himself -- Mt 11:29. Exhibited in his Taking our nature. -- Php 2:7; Heb 2:16. Birth. -- Lu 2:4-7. Subjection to his parents. -- Lu 2:51. Station in life. -- Mt 13:55; Joh 9:29. Poverty. -- Lu 9:58; 2Co 8:9. Partaking of our infirmities. -- Heb 4:15; 5:7. Submitting to ordinances. -- Mt 3:13-15. Becoming a servant. -- Mt 20:28; Lu 22:27; Php 2:7. Associating with the despised. -- Mt 9:10,11; Lu 15:1,2. Refusing honours. -- Joh 5:41; 6:15. Entry into Jerusalem. -- Zec 9:9; Mt 21:5,7. Washing his disciples' feet. -- Joh 13:5. Obedi”
- Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:22: 5:22-33 Christian wives are to submit to their husbands, showing them respect. Equally important, Christian husbands are to love their wives (see Col 3:18-19). Christian marriages become a reflection of the union and relationship between the Lord and the church. 5:22 Submission is part of the life to which the wives’ Christian commitment calls them (see 1 Cor 11:3-10; 14:34-35; Col 3:18; 1 Tim 2:11-12; Titus 2:5; 1 Pet 3:1-6).”
- Ephesians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Ephesians 5:22: (Eph 6:9.) The Church's relation to Christ in His everlasting purpose, is the foundation and archetype of the three greatest of earthly relations, that of husband and wife (Eph 5:22-33), parent and child (Eph 6:1-4), master and servant (Eph 6:4-9). The oldest manuscripts omit "submit yourselves"; supplying it from Eph 5:21, "Ye wives (submitting yourselves) unto your own husbands." "Your own" is an argument for submissiveness on the part of the wives; it is not a stranger, but your own husbands whom you are called on to submit unto (compare Gen 3:16”
- Ephesians (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Ephesians 5:21: Here the apostle begins his exhortation to the discharge of relative duties. As a general foundation for these duties, he lays down that rule Eph 5:21. There is a mutual submission that Christians owe one to another, condescending to bear one another's burdens: not advancing themselves above others, nor domineering over one another and giving laws to one another. Paul was an example of this truly Christian temper, for he became all things to all men. We must be of a yielding and of a submissive spirit, and ready to all the duties of the respective places and st”
- Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:21: 5:21–6:9 Paul gives specific instructions on how believers are to relate to one another in a Christian home (see also Col 3:18–4:1; 1 Pet 2:18–3:7). Love and respect are to characterize all relationships in the body of Christ as an expression of believers’ commitment to the Lord himself. 5:21 And further, submit to one another: The verb form links it with the command to be filled (5:18). This general instruction (cp. Phil 2:3) applies to all three relationships that Paul discusses: wives and husbands (Eph 5:22-33), children and their parents (6:1-4), and slaves”
- Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:25: 5:25-33 Christian husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loved the church—that is, sacrificially, for Christ gave up his life for her (5:2; cp. Col 3:19; 1 Pet 3:7).”
- Ephesians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Ephesians 5:25: "Thou hast seen the measure of obedience; now hear also the measure of love. Do you wish your wife to obey you, as the Church is to obey Christ? Then have a solicitude for her as Christ had for the Church (Eph 5:23, "Himself the Saviour of the body"); and "if it be necessary to give thy life for her, or to be cut in ten thousand pieces, or to endure any other suffering whatever, do not refuse it; and if you suffer thus, not even so do you do what Christ has done; for you indeed do so being already united to her, but He did so for one that treated Hi”
- 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 13:4: 13:4-7 This description of Christian love emphasizes the willingness to give up one’s own desires for the good of others (see also 8:1–10:33; Rom 5:6-8; 15:3; 2 Cor 8:9; Phil 2:4-8).”
- 1 Peter (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on 1 Peter 3:1: The apostle having treated of the duties of subjects to their sovereigns, and of servants to their masters, proceeds to explain the duty of husbands and wives. I. Lest the Christian matrons should imagine that their conversion to Christ, and their interest in all Christian privileges, exempted them from subjection to their pagan or Jewish husbands, the apostle here tells them, 1. In what the duty of wives consists. (1.) In subjection, or an affectionate submission to the will, and obedience to the just authority, of their own husbands, which obliging conduct would”