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Submission in Marriage and Mutual Respect in Christianity

Christian teaching on marriage emphasizes both mutual submission and respect, rooted in the example of Christ and the relationship between Christ and the Church. The Apostle Paul's letter to the Ephesians provides a foundational text for understanding these concepts within marriage [1, 2, 11].

Ephesians 5:21 states, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" [1]. This verse serves as a general principle for all believers, indicating a mutual yielding and condescension among Christians, rather than one person dominating another [9, 11]. This mutual submission is linked to being "filled" with the Spirit, suggesting that it is an expression of Christian commitment [11]. The concept of humility, exemplified by Christ himself, underpins this call to submission [4, 5]. Christ's humility was demonstrated in his incarnation, his subjection to his parents, his poverty, and his willingness to serve others [4]. Similarly, self-denial and resignation to God's will are presented as Christ-like virtues [6, 7].

Following this general instruction, Paul addresses specific relationships within the household, including wives and husbands [11]. Wives are exhorted to "submit to their husbands in everything, as the church submits to Christ" [2]. This submission is understood to involve honor and reverence [8, 13]. It is not presented as an isolated command but as part of a broader Christian life that includes submission in various contexts [8]. Some interpretations suggest that the phrase "your own husbands" implies that this submission is to a familiar and personal relationship, not a stranger [10].

However, this instruction to wives is immediately balanced by a strong command to husbands: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25). This love is sacrificial, mirroring Christ's ultimate act of self-giving for the Church [14]. The husband's love for his wife should be so profound that he would be willing to suffer greatly for her, even to the point of giving his life [14]. This kind of love is considered a measure of obedience for husbands, just as submission is for wives [14].

The relationship between husband and wife is thus presented as a reflection of the union between Christ and the Church [8, 10]. This analogy highlights both the distinct roles and the profound interconnectedness within marriage. The husband's headship is to be exercised in a Christ-like manner, characterized by sacrificial love and care, rather than dominance [14].

Beyond Ephesians, other biblical texts reinforce the idea of mutual respect and consideration within marriage. For instance, 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 emphasizes that married Christians must be considerate of each other's sexual needs, with both spouses yielding authority over their bodies to the other [12]. This implies a mutual right and responsibility, where authority is not to be abused [12]. The broader Christian ethic of accepting one another, as Christ accepted believers, also applies to marital relationships, aiming to bring glory to God [3].

Therefore, Christian marriage, as outlined in these texts, is characterized by a dynamic interplay of submission and love. While wives are called to submit to their husbands, husbands are called to love their wives with a sacrificial love modeled after Christ. Both commands are rooted in the overarching principle of mutual submission and reverence for Christ, fostering an environment of respect and honor within the marital covenant [1, 8, 11].

Sources

  1. Ephesians “Ephesians 5:21 (BSB) — Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
  2. Ephesians “Ephesians 5:24 (BSB) — Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
  3. Romans “Romans 15:7 (BSB) — Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring glory to God.”
  4. Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Humility of Christ, The — Declared by himself -- Mt 11:29. Exhibited in his Taking our nature. -- Php 2:7; Heb 2:16. Birth. -- Lu 2:4-7. Subjection to his parents. -- Lu 2:51. Station in life. -- Mt 13:55; Joh 9:29. Poverty. -- Lu 9:58; 2Co 8:9. Partaking of our infirmities. -- Heb 4:15; 5:7. Submitting to ordinances. -- Mt 3:13-15. Becoming a servant. -- Mt 20:28; Lu 22:27; Php 2:7. Associating with the despised. -- Mt 9:10,11; Lu 15:1,2. Refusing honours. -- Joh 5:41; 6:15. Entry into Jerusalem. -- Zec 9:9; Mt 21:5,7. Washing his disciples' feet. -- Joh 13:5. Obedi”
  5. Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Humility — A prominent Christian grace (Rom. 12:3; 15:17, 18; 1 Cor. 3:5-7; 2 Cor. 3:5; Phil. 4:11-13). It is a state of mind well pleasing to God (1 Pet. 3:4); it preserves the soul in tranquillity (Ps. 69:32, 33), and makes us patient under trials (Job 1:22). Christ has set us an example of humility (Phil. 2:6-8). We should be led thereto by a remembrance of our sins (Lam. 3:39), and by the thought that it is the way to honour (Prov. 16:18), and that the greatest promises are made to the humble (Ps. 147:6; Isa. 57:15; 66:2; 1 Pet. 5:5). It is a "great paradox in Ch”
  6. Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Self-Denial — Christ set an example of -- Mt 4:8-10; 8:20; Joh 6:38; Ro 15:3; Php 2:6-8. A test of devotedness to Christ -- Mt 10:37,38; Lu 9:23,24. Necessary In following Christ. -- Lu 14:27-33. In the warfare of saints. -- 2Ti 2:4. To the triumph of saints. -- 1Co 9:25-27. Ministers especially called to exercise -- 2Co 6:4,5. Should be exercised in Denying ungodliness and worldly lusts. -- Ro 6:12; Tit 2:12. Controlling the appetite. -- Pr 23:2. Abstaining from fleshly lusts. -- 1Pe 2:11. No longer living to lusts of men. -- 1Pe 4:2. Mortifying sinful lusts. -- Mr ”
  7. Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Resignation — Christ set and example of -- Mt 26:39-44; Joh 12:27; 18:11. Commanded -- Ps 37:7; 46:10. Should be exhibited in Submission to the will of God. -- 2Sa 15:26; Ps 42:5,11; Mt 6:10. Submission to the sovereignty of God in his purposes. -- Ro 9:20,21. The prospect of death. -- Ac 21:13; 2Co 4:16-5:1. Loss of goods. -- Job 1:15,16,21. Loss of children. -- Job 1:18,19,21. Chastisements. -- Heb 12:9. Bodily suffering. -- Job 2:8-10. The wicked are devoid of -- Pr 19:3. Exhortation to -- Ps 37:1-11. Motives to God's greatness. -- Ps 46:10. God's love. -- Heb 12:”
  8. Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:22: 5:22-33 Christian wives are to submit to their husbands, showing them respect. Equally important, Christian husbands are to love their wives (see Col 3:18-19). Christian marriages become a reflection of the union and relationship between the Lord and the church. 5:22 Submission is part of the life to which the wives’ Christian commitment calls them (see 1 Cor 11:3-10; 14:34-35; Col 3:18; 1 Tim 2:11-12; Titus 2:5; 1 Pet 3:1-6).”
  9. Ephesians (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Ephesians 5:21: Here the apostle begins his exhortation to the discharge of relative duties. As a general foundation for these duties, he lays down that rule Eph 5:21. There is a mutual submission that Christians owe one to another, condescending to bear one another's burdens: not advancing themselves above others, nor domineering over one another and giving laws to one another. Paul was an example of this truly Christian temper, for he became all things to all men. We must be of a yielding and of a submissive spirit, and ready to all the duties of the respective places and st”
  10. Ephesians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Ephesians 5:22: (Eph 6:9.) The Church's relation to Christ in His everlasting purpose, is the foundation and archetype of the three greatest of earthly relations, that of husband and wife (Eph 5:22-33), parent and child (Eph 6:1-4), master and servant (Eph 6:4-9). The oldest manuscripts omit "submit yourselves"; supplying it from Eph 5:21, "Ye wives (submitting yourselves) unto your own husbands." "Your own" is an argument for submissiveness on the part of the wives; it is not a stranger, but your own husbands whom you are called on to submit unto (compare Gen 3:16”
  11. Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:21: 5:21–6:9 Paul gives specific instructions on how believers are to relate to one another in a Christian home (see also Col 3:18–4:1; 1 Pet 2:18–3:7). Love and respect are to characterize all relationships in the body of Christ as an expression of believers’ commitment to the Lord himself. 5:21 And further, submit to one another: The verb form links it with the command to be filled (5:18). This general instruction (cp. Phil 2:3) applies to all three relationships that Paul discusses: wives and husbands (Eph 5:22-33), children and their parents (6:1-4), and slaves”
  12. 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 7:3: 7:3-4 Because of the temptation to sexual immorality, married Christians must always be considerate of the sexual needs of their spouses. Sexual intimacy is a mutual right for both spouses in a marriage and must not be withheld. Marriage includes yielding the authority over one’s body to one’s spouse, though such authority is clearly not to be abused.”
  13. Ephesians (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Ephesians 5:20: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands,.... This is an instance, explaining the above general rule; which subjection lies in honour and reverence, Eph 5:33, and in obedience; they should think well of their husbands, speak becomingly to them, and respectfully of them; the wife should take care of the family, and family affairs, according to the husband's will; should imitate him in what is good, and bear with that which is not so agreeable; she should not curiously inquire into his business, but leave the management of it to him; she should help and assist”
  14. Ephesians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Ephesians 5:25: "Thou hast seen the measure of obedience; now hear also the measure of love. Do you wish your wife to obey you, as the Church is to obey Christ? Then have a solicitude for her as Christ had for the Church (Eph 5:23, "Himself the Saviour of the body"); and "if it be necessary to give thy life for her, or to be cut in ten thousand pieces, or to endure any other suffering whatever, do not refuse it; and if you suffer thus, not even so do you do what Christ has done; for you indeed do so being already united to her, but He did so for one that treated Hi”
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