Submission in Marriage as Mutual Surrender and Sacrifice
Marriage, as an institution, was established in Paradise when humanity was in a state of innocence, as described in Genesis 2:18-24 [2]. This foundational account, later affirmed by Jesus in Matthew 19:4-5, serves as the basis for all subsequent regulations concerning marriage [2]. The original design for marriage was monogamous, involving one man and one woman [2, 13]. This ideal was later compromised by practices such as polygamy and concubinage, which became prevalent in the patriarchal age [2].
The concept of submission within marriage is a recurring theme in Christian scripture, particularly in the New Testament epistles. Ephesians 5:21-33 and Colossians 3:18-19 are key passages that address the roles of husbands and wives [7, 11]. While wives are exhorted to submit to their husbands, husbands are equally called to love their wives [7]. This dynamic is presented as a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the Church [7, 13].
Ephesians 5:21 introduces a general principle of mutual submission among Christians, urging believers to be of a yielding and submissive spirit, ready to fulfill their respective duties [8]. This mutual submission serves as a foundation for the specific instructions that follow regarding marital roles [8]. John Gill, in his commentary on Ephesians 5:19, suggests that "submitting yourselves one to another" can be understood in various contexts, including political submission to magistrates, economical submission within the family (wife to husband, children to parents, servants to masters), and ecclesiastical submission within the church [10].
When the apostle Paul specifically addresses wives in Ephesians 5:22, some ancient manuscripts omit the explicit command "submit yourselves," implying it is to be supplied from the preceding verse on mutual submission [9]. The instruction for wives to submit to their "own husbands" (Ephesians 5:22) is seen as an argument for submissiveness, emphasizing that it is not to a stranger but to their own spouse [9]. This submission is presented as part of the Christian commitment of wives [7].
Similarly, 1 Peter 3:1-6 instructs wives to "accept the authority of" or "submit to" their husbands [11]. This passage clarifies that God has appointed the husband as the head of the relationship [11]. In the ancient world, submission often took the form of obedience [11]. However, Peter also emphasizes that husbands are intended to be loving and respectful heads, as seen in 1 Peter 3:7 and Ephesians 5:25-30 [11]. A particular focus in 1 Peter is on wives with non-Christian husbands, who might be won over by the respectful conduct of their wives [11].
The concept of submission in marriage is not to be understood as a one-sided demand but as part of a broader framework of mutual surrender and sacrifice. While wives are called to submit, husbands are commanded to love their wives sacrificially, "just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25). This love is described as nourishing and cherishing, mirroring Christ's care for the church [7]. The husband's love for his wife is to be like his love for his own body, recognizing that in marriage, husband and wife become one flesh [13].
The marital covenant is considered the most fundamental covenant relationship among humans, entailing a shift of loyalty from parents to spouse and uniting two individuals into one [13]. This union is designed to be inseparable and exclusive [13]. The honor of marriage is emphasized in Hebrews 13:4, which states, "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge" [12]. This verse underscores the sanctity and value of marriage, calling for its protection and high regard [14]. Sexual immorality and adultery are condemned as actions that break the marriage vow and violate the sacredness of the marital relationship [14].
The Old Testament also contains references to the marital bond and its obligations. Numbers 30:6 and 30:13 discuss a wife's vows and how her husband has the authority to establish or break them [3, 4]. Deuteronomy 20:7 mentions a man who has become "pledged to a woman and not married her," indicating the seriousness of betrothal [6]. Proverbs 30:23 speaks of "an unloved woman who marries," highlighting the emotional aspect of marital relationships [5]. Even in the context of divorce, Mark 10:12 notes that if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery, underscoring the permanence of the marital bond [1].
Sources
- Mark “Mark 10:12 (Tyndale) — And yf a woman forsake her husband and be maryed to another she comitteth advoutrie.”
- Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Marriage — Was instituted in Paradise when man was in innocence (Gen. 2:18-24). Here we have its original charter, which was confirmed by our Lord, as the basis on which all regulations are to be framed (Matt. 19:4, 5). It is evident that monogamy was the original law of marriage (Matt. 19:5; 1 Cor. 6:16). This law was violated in after times, when corrupt usages began to be introduced (Gen. 4:19; 6:2). We meet with the prevalence of polygamy and concubinage in the patriarchal age (Gen. 16:1-4; 22:21-24; 28:8, 9; 29:23-30, etc.). Polygamy was acknowledged in the Mosa”
- Numbers “Numbers 30:6 (BBE) — And if she is married to a husband at the time when she is under an oath or an undertaking given without thought;”
- Numbers “Numbers 30:13 (YLT) — `Every vow and every oath--a bond to humble a soul--her husband doth establish it, or her husband doth break it;”
- Proverbs “Proverbs 30:23 (BSB) — an unloved woman who marries, and a maidservant who supplants her mistress.”
- Deuteronomy “Deuteronomy 20:7 (BSB) — Has any man become pledged to a woman and not married her? Let him return home, or he may die in battle and another man marry her.””
- Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:22: 5:22-33 Christian wives are to submit to their husbands, showing them respect. Equally important, Christian husbands are to love their wives (see Col 3:18-19). Christian marriages become a reflection of the union and relationship between the Lord and the church. 5:22 Submission is part of the life to which the wives’ Christian commitment calls them (see 1 Cor 11:3-10; 14:34-35; Col 3:18; 1 Tim 2:11-12; Titus 2:5; 1 Pet 3:1-6).”
- Ephesians (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Ephesians 5:21: Here the apostle begins his exhortation to the discharge of relative duties. As a general foundation for these duties, he lays down that rule Eph 5:21. There is a mutual submission that Christians owe one to another, condescending to bear one another's burdens: not advancing themselves above others, nor domineering over one another and giving laws to one another. Paul was an example of this truly Christian temper, for he became all things to all men. We must be of a yielding and of a submissive spirit, and ready to all the duties of the respective places and st”
- Ephesians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Ephesians 5:22: (Eph 6:9.) The Church's relation to Christ in His everlasting purpose, is the foundation and archetype of the three greatest of earthly relations, that of husband and wife (Eph 5:22-33), parent and child (Eph 6:1-4), master and servant (Eph 6:4-9). The oldest manuscripts omit "submit yourselves"; supplying it from Eph 5:21, "Ye wives (submitting yourselves) unto your own husbands." "Your own" is an argument for submissiveness on the part of the wives; it is not a stranger, but your own husbands whom you are called on to submit unto (compare Gen 3:16”
- Ephesians (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Ephesians 5:19: Submitting yourselves one to another,.... Which may be understood either in a political sense, of giving honour, obedience, and tribute, to civil magistrates, since they are set up by God for the good of men, and it is for the credit of religion for the saints to submit to them; or in an economical sense; thus the wife should be subject to the husband, children to their parents, and servants to their masters, which several things are afterwards insisted on, as explanative of this rule; or in an ecclesiastic sense, so the Ethiopic version renders it, "subject yourse”
- 1 Peter (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Peter 3:1: 3:1-7 The last of Peter’s three exhortations about accepting authority (2:13–3:7) concerns wives and husbands (cp. Eph 5:21-33; Col 3:18-19). 3:1 accept the authority of (literally submit to): Wives are instructed to acknowledge that God has appointed the husband as head of the relationship (see 2:13; Eph 5:22-25). Submission in the ancient world took the form of obedience (see 1 Pet 3:6). God also intends the husband to be a loving and respectful head (3:7; see Eph 5:25-30). However, Peter focuses especially on wives with pagan husbands who would potentially be h”
- Hebrews (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Hebrews 13:4: Marriage is honourable in all,.... Some read these words as an exhortation, "let" it "be so"; others as an assertion, it is so. "Marriage" is the union of one man and one woman in wedlock, whereby they become one flesh; it is a joining together of male and female in this relation, and of two only, and of such as are not within the degrees of blood forbid by the law, Lev 18:6 and of such as are fit for marriage: and this is "honourable", as it was instituted by God, and has been honoured with the presence of Christ, Gen 2:22. And it is so in the ends of it, being to p”
- Genesis (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Genesis 2:24: 2:24 Marriage between a man and a woman is not just a human social construct but is rooted in the created order. • a man leaves . . . and is joined: Marriage entails a shift of loyalty from parents to spouse. • the two are united into one: Marriage and its commitments make it the most fundamental covenant relationship observed among humans. Marriage is a powerful image of Israel’s covenant with God (Hos 2:14-23) and of Christ’s relationship to the church (Eph 5:22-32). Marriage is designed as an inseparable, exclusive relationship between a man and a woman. The f”
- Hebrews (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Hebrews 13:4: 13:4 Give honor to marriage means to protect it and hold it as highly valuable. • Immoral refers to all sexually illicit behavior. • Adultery breaks the marriage vow by engaging in sexual activity outside the marriage relationship.”