Submitting to Spouse in Disagreement with Decisions
The concept of submitting to a spouse, particularly in situations of disagreement, is addressed in various biblical texts and theological interpretations. The Apostle Peter instructs wives to "submit yourselves to your own husbands" (1 Peter 3:1). This submission is presented as a means by which even husbands who "refuse to believe the word" might be "won over without words by the behavior of their wives" [4]. Tyndale House commentary notes that this instruction for wives to "accept the authority of" their husbands implies acknowledging God's appointment of the husband as the head of the relationship, and that in the ancient world, submission often took the form of obedience [7].
The Old Testament provides examples of a husband's authority over his wife's decisions, particularly concerning vows. Numbers 30:6-13 describes how a husband could confirm or nullify any vow or sworn pledge made by his wife [2, 3]. If a husband heard of his wife's vow and did not object on the same day, his silence implied consent, and he would incur guilt if the vow was broken. However, if he nullified it, God would not hold the wife guilty [5]. This suggests a framework where a husband's decision could override a wife's personal commitment, particularly in matters of self-denial like fasting [5].
While the New Testament emphasizes submission, it also addresses the responsibilities of husbands. Ephesians 5:25-30 and 1 Peter 3:7 indicate that husbands are intended to be loving and respectful heads [7]. The Apostle Paul, in 1 Corinthians 7:3, speaks of the "due benevolence" that a husband should render to his wife, which includes "all the offices of love, tenderness, humanity, care, provision, and protection" [6].
Regarding marital disagreements that might lead to separation, Jesus challenged the misapplication of Old Testament provisions for divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1-4), allowing only sexual infidelity as a legitimate reason for divorce and forbidding casual divorce (Matthew 5:31-32) [1, 10]. Paul also advised Christian couples contemplating divorce, stating that his command against divorce comes "from the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:10-11) [8, 9, 11]. Even if a couple experiences difficulties, they are to honor their marriage vows [8].
Sources
- Deuteronomy “Deuteronomy 24:1 (BSB) — If a man marries a woman, but she becomes displeasing to him because he finds some indecency in her, he may write her a certificate of divorce, hand it to her, and send her away from his house.”
- Numbers “Numbers 30:13 (BSB) — Her husband may confirm or nullify any vow or any sworn pledge to deny herself.”
- Numbers “Numbers 30:6 (BBE) — And if she is married to a husband at the time when she is under an oath or an undertaking given without thought;”
- I Peter “I Peter 3:1 (BSB) — Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your husbands, so that even if they refuse to believe the word, they will be won over without words by the behavior of their wives”
- Numbers (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Numbers 30:10: 30:10-15 A married woman also needed the approval of her husband to make vows and pledges. Her husband could nullify her religious promise, but he had to make this decision on the day he heard about it. God did not hold the married woman guilty of breaking this promise if her husband cancelled it in the proper manner (cp. 30:5, 8, 12). The self-denial mentioned in 30:13 probably refers to fasting. If he raised no objection, the husband’s silence implied consent. He could not delay in his objection, or he would incur the guilt of a broken vow (cp. Lev 5:4-13).”
- 1 Corinthians (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on 1 Corinthians 7:3: Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence,.... The Syriac version renders it, , "due love"; and so the Arabic; and may include all the offices of love, tenderness, humanity, care, provision, and protection, which are to be performed by the husband to his wife; though it seems chiefly, if not solely, here to respect what is called, Exo 21:10 "her marriage duty", as distinct from food and raiment to be allowed her; and what is meant by it the Jewish doctors will tell us: one says (t), it is , "the use of the marriage bed"; and, says another (u), , "it i”
- 1 Peter (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Peter 3:1: 3:1-7 The last of Peter’s three exhortations about accepting authority (2:13–3:7) concerns wives and husbands (cp. Eph 5:21-33; Col 3:18-19). 3:1 accept the authority of (literally submit to): Wives are instructed to acknowledge that God has appointed the husband as head of the relationship (see 2:13; Eph 5:22-25). Submission in the ancient world took the form of obedience (see 1 Pet 3:6). God also intends the husband to be a loving and respectful head (3:7; see Eph 5:25-30). However, Peter focuses especially on wives with pagan husbands who would potentially be h”
- 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 7:10: 7:10-11 Paul advises Christian couples contemplating divorce. • a command that comes . . . from the Lord: This doesn’t mean that Paul’s other instructions (see 7:12, 25, 40) have less authority. It means this particular counsel is grounded in known sayings of Jesus (see Matt 5:32; 19:9; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18). • But if she does leave him: Paul acknowledges that some couples have great difficulty in living together, but even in that case they must honor their marriage vows to be faithful to their spouse alone (see 1 Cor 7:27; Rom 7:2).”
- 1 Corinthians (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on 1 Corinthians 7:10: I command, yet not I, but the Lord - I do not give my own private opinion or judgment in this case; for the Lord Jesus commands that man shall not put asunder them whom God hath joined, Mat 5:32; Mat 19:6. And God has said the same, Gen 2:24. The following extracts will prove that the law among the Jews was very loose relative to the firmness of the marriage bond: - A woman might put away or depart from her husband by giving this simple reason to the elders, who would give the following certificate. "In ____ day of ____ week, of ____ year, A., daughter of B.”
- Matthew (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Matthew 5:31: 5:31-32 Jesus challenges the misapplication of the Old Testament provision for divorce (see Deut 24:1-4; cp. Matt 19:3-9): Following the rules does not make divorce acceptable. Jesus allows only one legitimate reason for divorce, sexual infidelity, and forbids casual divorce (see also 1 Cor 7:10-11). 5:31 A notice of divorce is a document stating the legality of a divorce. Evidence suggests that such a document permitted remarriage. “The essential formula in the notice of divorce is, ‘Lo, you are free to marry any man.’ . . . The essential formula in a writ of em”
- 1 Corinthians (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on 1 Corinthians 7:10: And unto the married I command,.... To the unmarried and widows he spoke by permission, or only gave advice and counsel to remain unmarried, provided they could contain; but if not, it was advisable to marry; but to persons already in a married state, what he has to say to them is by commandment, enjoining what they are under obligation to observe, not being at liberty to do as they will: yet not I, but the Lord; not as if he took upon him the dominion over them, to make laws for them, and, in an imperious authoritative way, oblige them to obedience to them; ”