Consequences of Unforgiveness in Christian Relationships
Unforgiveness in Christian relationships can lead to a range of negative consequences, affecting individuals, communities, and one's spiritual state. The Bible and theological traditions highlight these dangers, emphasizing the importance of reconciliation and a forgiving spirit.
One significant consequence of unforgiveness is the fostering of malice and ill-will, which are described as springing from an evil heart [3]. Such attitudes are explicitly forbidden in scripture, with passages like Colossians 3:8 and Ephesians 4:26-27 urging believers to put away malice and not let the sun go down on their anger [3]. Malice is seen as a hindrance to spiritual growth and incompatible with the worship of God [3]. When individuals harbor ill will, it can lead to destructive behaviors within the community. Adam Clarke notes that when churches are in a state of distraction due to disputes, "pride, anger, ill-will, and all unkind and uncharitable tempers, took possession of their souls, and they were in consequence alternately destroying each other" [6]. This internal strife can be highly detrimental to the peace of individuals and the church as a whole [6].
Unforgiveness can also result in a lack of divine forgiveness for oneself. Jesus taught that if people do not forgive others their trespasses, God will not forgive their own [8]. This principle underscores a direct link between human forgiveness and divine pardon. John Gill explains that without a forgiving temper towards others, individuals cannot expect forgiveness from God, nor can they genuinely experience the sense of pardoning grace [8]. The absence of this grace can lead to spiritual blindness, which is described as an effect of sin and unbelief [5]. This spiritual blindness can prevent individuals from discerning God's will and lead them into further evil [5].
Furthermore, maintaining unforgiveness can lead to a state of spiritual isolation and a breakdown of fellowship. The apostle Paul, in 1 Corinthians 5:2, addresses a situation where the Corinthian church was "puffed up" rather than mourning over a scandal, indicating a lack of appropriate response to sin and a failure to address it through excommunication, which could lead to repentance [9]. This suggests that a failure to deal with sin, including the sin of unforgiveness, can disrupt the spiritual health of the community. Matthew Henry emphasizes that Christians are called to "mutual love, unity, and concord," and that failing to be "faithful friends to all Christians" means not walking worthy of their vocation [10]. Unforgiveness directly undermines this call to unity and love.
The act of unforgiveness can also be seen as a form of disobedience to God, which carries its own set of consequences. Disobedience provokes God's anger, forfeits His favor, and can lead to a curse rather than blessings [4]. The Old Testament illustrates God's character as one who forgives iniquity, disobedience, and sin, yet "will by no means clear the guilty" [1]. This suggests that while God is merciful, there are consequences for persistent unrepentance and unforgiveness. Proverbs 6:33 warns that one who commits certain offenses "will get wounds and dishonor. His reproach will not be wiped away," which can be extended to the spiritual wounds and dishonor that unforgiveness can bring [2].
Chrysostom highlights that not forgiving others causes "greater harm to oneself" [11]. This internal harm can manifest as bitterness, resentment, and a hardened heart, which are contrary to the Christian call to love and compassion. Adam Clarke advises that no one should "for a moment harbour ill will in his heart to any" [7]. While he notes that the offended party is not called to forgive until the offender acknowledges their fault, the internal state of harboring ill will is still detrimental [7]. The emphasis is on being "instantly ready to forgive on the first acknowledgment of the fault," mirroring Christ's own forgiveness [7].
In essence, unforgiveness creates a barrier to spiritual well-being, communal harmony, and divine favor. It is a state that contradicts the core tenets of Christian love and reconciliation, leading to personal spiritual detriment and fractured relationships within the body of Christ.
Sources
- Exodus “keeping loving kindness for thousands, forgiving iniquity and disobedience and sin; and that will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, and on the children’s children, on the third and on the fourth generation.” -- Exodus 34:7”
- Proverbs “He will get wounds and dishonor. His reproach will not be wiped away. -- Proverbs 6:33”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Malice — Springs from an evil heart -- Mt 15:19,20; Ga 5:19. Forbidden -- 1Co 14:20; Col 3:8; Eph 4:26,27. A hindrance to growth in grace -- 1Pe 2:1,2. Incompatible with the worship of God -- 1Co 5:7,8. Christian liberty not to be a cloak for -- 1Pe 2:16. Saints avoid -- Job 31:29,30; Ps 35:12-14. The wicked Speak with. -- 3Jo 1:10. Live in. -- Tit 3:3. Conceive. -- Ps 7:14. Filled with. -- Ro 1:29. Visit saints with. -- Ps 83:3; Mt 22:6. Pray for those who injure you through -- Mt 5:44. Brings its own punishment -- Ps 7:15,16. God requites -- Ps 10:14; Eze 36:5. Pun”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Disobedience to God — Provokes his anger -- Ps 78:10,40; Isa 3:8. Forfeits his favour -- 1Sa 13:14. Forfeits his promised blessings -- Jos 5:6; 1Sa 2:30; Jer 18:10. Brings a curse -- De 11:28; 28:15. A characteristic of the wicked -- Eph 2:2; Tit 1:16; 3:3. The wicked persevere in -- Jer 2:21. Heinousness of, illustrated -- Jer 35:14. Men prone to excuse -- Ge 3:12,13. Shall be punished -- Isa 42:24,25; Heb 2:2. Acknowledge the punishment of, to be just -- Ne 9:32,33; Da 9:10,11,14. Warnings against -- 1Sa 12:15; Jer 12:17. Bitter results of, illustrated -- Jer 9:13,”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Blindness, Spiritual — Explained -- Joh 1:5; 1Co 2:14. The effect of sin -- Isa 29:10; Mt 6:23; Joh 3:19,20. Unbelief, the effect of -- Ro 11:8; 2Co 4:3,4. Uncharitableness, a proof of -- 1Jo 2:9,11. A work of the devil -- 2Co 4:4. Leads to all evil -- Eph 4:17-19. Is consistent with communion with God -- 1Jo 1:6,7. Of ministers, fatal to themselves and to the people -- Mt 15:14. The wicked are in -- Ps 82:5; Jer 5:21. The self-righteous are in -- Mt 23:19,26; Re 3:17. The wicked wilfully guilty of -- Isa 26:11; Ro 1:19-21. Judicially inflicted -- Ps 69:23; Isa 29:10”
- Galatians (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on Galatians 5:15: If ye bite and devour one another - These Churches seem to have been in a state of great distraction; there were continual altercations among them. They had fallen from the grace of the Gospel; and, as Christ no longer dwelt in their hearts by faith, pride, anger, ill-will, and all unkind and uncharitable tempers, took possession of their souls, and they were in consequence alternately destroying each other. Nothing is so destructive to the peace of man, and to the peace of the soul, as religious disputes; where they prevail, religion in general has little place.”
- Colossians (Methodist/Wesleyan) “Adam Clarke on Colossians 3:13: Forbearing one another - Avoid all occasions of irritating or provoking each other. Forgiving one another - If ye receive offense, be instantly ready to forgive on the first acknowledgment of the fault. Even as Christ forgave you - Who required no satisfaction, and sought for nothing in you but the broken, contrite heart, and freely forgave you as soon as you returned to Him. No man should for a moment harbour ill will in his heart to any; but the offended party is not called actually to forgive, till the offender, with sorrow, acknowledges his fault. He should ”
- Matthew (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Matthew 6:15: But if you forgive not men their trespasses,.... On the other hand, where men are not of a forgiving temper to their fellow creatures and fellow Christians, how can they expect forgiveness at the hands of God? or what sense of pardoning grace can there be upon their minds? Had they any right apprehensions of the grace and goodness of God, in the forgiveness of their sins, this would influence their minds, and engage their hearts to forgive such who have offended them: wherefore, where this is wanting, it may be concluded of, and said to such persons, neither will y”
- 1 Corinthians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Corinthians 5:2: puffed up--with your own wisdom and knowledge, and the eloquence of your favorite teachers: at a time when ye ought to be "mourning" at the scandal caused to religion by the incest. Paul mourned because they did not mourn (Co2 2:4). We ought to mourn over the transgressions of others, and repent of our own (Co2 12:21) [BENGEL]. that--ye have not felt such mourning as would lead to the result that, &c. taken away from among you--by excommunication. The incestuous person was hereby brought to bitter repentance, in the interval between the sendi”
- Ephesians (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Ephesians 4:2: Here the apostle proceeds to more particular exhortations. Two he enlarges upon in this chapter: - To unity an love, purity and holiness, which Christians should very much study. We do not walk worthy of the vocation wherewith we are called if we be not faithful friends to all Christians, and sworn enemies to all sin. This section contains the exhortation to mutual love, unity, and concord, with the proper means and motives to promote them. Nothing is pressed upon us more earnestly in the scriptures than this. Love is the law of Christ's kingdom, the lesson of h”
- CCEL/NPNF (Eastern Orthodox) “John Chrysostom, Homilies on Galatians–Colossians–Thessalonians: 206 . Fleetness, should not make men proud, 217 . Flesh, the, hath been honored by God, was dishonored by the false teachers of the Colossians, 289 ; of Christ, deniers of, 352 . Folly, not so bad as haughtiness, 217 ; all sin so called; contrast between it and wisdom, 300 . Forbearance, of God, 384 . Forgive, not to, cause of greater harm to oneself, 202 ; we should, like Joseph, 343 ; while the heart is warm, ib. ; to, a means of pardon, ib. Forgiveness, our own, increased by warning others of like sins, 268-69 ; of what charac”