The Role of the Wife as a Help Mate in Marriage
The concept of a wife as a "help mate" originates from the biblical account of creation in Genesis, where God states, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help as his counterpart" (Genesis 2:18, ESV). The Hebrew phrase ezer ke-negdo is translated as "help as his counterpart" or "a help suitable to him" [1]. This indicates a helper who is corresponding to, or alongside, the man, rather than subordinate in essence [1].
Marriage itself was instituted in Paradise, with monogamy being the original design, though polygamy later became prevalent in Jewish history [2]. The wife's role within this institution is multifaceted. Proverbs 31:10-31 describes the duties of a capable wife, highlighting her industry, wisdom, and care for her household [2]. Matthew Henry, a Nonconformist commentator, notes that a "prudent wife" contributes significantly to the prosperity and comfort of the family, managing affairs, educating children, and maintaining the family's reputation [5]. John Gill, a Baptist/Reformed commentator, likens the wife to a "fruitful vine by the sides of thine house," emphasizing her fruitfulness in childbearing and her role in domestic affairs [9].
The New Testament further elaborates on the wife's role, often within the context of mutual submission and respect. Ephesians 5:22-24 instructs wives to "be in subjection unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord," with the husband being the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church [8]. John Chrysostom, an Eastern Orthodox father, interprets this as a blessing, noting that "a wife agreeing with her husband" is a mark of wisdom [8]. However, this headship is balanced by the understanding that men and women are "equal partner[s] in God’s gift of new life" [3]. The husband is also called to love his wife as Christ loved the Church, and to protect and care for her, recognizing that she may be physically weaker or have a different social status [3].
The fall introduced an element of antagonism into the marriage relationship, where the woman would "desire to control" her husband, and he would "rule over" her (Genesis 3:16) [7]. However, Christian theology views new life in Christ as offering a restoration of the marriage relationship, moving it away from this antagonistic dynamic towards mutual love and respect (Ephesians 5:18-32) [7]. The bond of marriage is considered a fundamental covenant, reflecting Christ's relationship with the Church [4, 6].
Sources
- Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Help-meet — (Heb. ezer ke-negdo; i.e., "a help as his counterpart" = a help suitable to him), a wife (Gen. 2:18-20).”
- Easton's Bible Dictionary “Easton's Bible Dictionary: Wife — The ordinance of marriage was sanctioned in Paradise (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:4-6). Monogamy was the original law under which man lived, but polygamy early commenced (Gen. 4:19), and continued to prevail all down through Jewish history. The law of Moses regulated but did not prohibit polygamy. A man might have a plurality of wives, but a wife could have only one husband. A wife's legal rights (Ex. 21:10) and her duties (Prov. 31:10-31; 1 Tim. 5:14) are specified. She could be divorced in special cases (Deut. 22:13-21), but could not divorce her husband. Divorce wa”
- 1 Peter (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Peter 3:7: 3:7 In the same way: Like slaves and wives (2:18–3:6), husbands also have a particular responsibility within the household. • She may be weaker than you are: Peter was probably thinking of the woman’s physical strength and perhaps her social status. Since women are typically physically weaker than men and were often less able to assert themselves in that society, the husband had the duty of protecting and caring for his wife. • your equal partner in God’s gift of new life: The husband’s headship is balanced and informed by the equal status that men and women have ”
- Genesis (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Genesis 2:24: 2:24 Marriage between a man and a woman is not just a human social construct but is rooted in the created order. • a man leaves . . . and is joined: Marriage entails a shift of loyalty from parents to spouse. • the two are united into one: Marriage and its commitments make it the most fundamental covenant relationship observed among humans. Marriage is a powerful image of Israel’s covenant with God (Hos 2:14-23) and of Christ’s relationship to the church (Eph 5:22-32). Marriage is designed as an inseparable, exclusive relationship between a man and a woman. The f”
- Proverbs (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Proverbs 14 (introduction): Note, 1. A good wife is a great blessing to a family. By a fruitful wife a family is multiplied and replenished with children, and so built up. But by a prudent wife, one that is pious, industrious, and considerate, the affairs of the family are made to prosper, debts are paid, portions raised, provision made, the children well educated and maintained, and the family has comfort within doors and credit without; thus is the house built. She looks upon it as her own to take care of, though she knows it is her husband's to bear rule in, Est 1:22. 2. Ma”
- Ephesians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Ephesians 5:31: For--The propagation of the Church from Christ, as that of Eve from Adam, is the foundation of the spiritual marriage. The natural marriage, wherein "a man leaves father and mother (the oldest manuscripts omit 'his') and is joined unto his wife," is not the principal thing meant here, but the spiritual marriage represented by it, and on which it rests, whereby Christ left the Father's bosom to woo to Himself the Church out of a lost world: Eph 5:32 proves this: His earthly mother as such, also, He holds in secondary account as compared with His spir”
- Genesis (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Genesis 3:16: 3:16 Judgment falls on the woman’s unique role of childbearing and on her relationship with her husband. • And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you: The marriage relationship now included an element of antagonism rather than just security and fulfillment. New life in Christ allows for the restoration of a man and a woman’s marriage relationship (Eph 5:18-32; cp. Matt 20:25-28).”
- CCEL/NPNF (Eastern Orthodox) “John Chrysostom, Homilies on Galatians–Colossians–Thessalonians: 143 Homily XX. Ephesians v. 22–24 “Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the Church: being Himself the Saviour of the body. But as the Church is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their husbands in everything. A certain wise man, setting down a number of things in the rank of blessings, set down this also in the rank of a blessing, “A wife agreeing with her husband.” ( Ecclus. xxv. 1 .) And elsewhere again he sets it dow”
- Psalms (Baptist/Reformed) “John Gill on Psalms 128:3: Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house,.... The vine being a weak and tender tree, which needs propping and supporting; and often is fastened to the sides of a house, to which the allusion here is; whereunto it cleaves, and on which it runs up, and bears very agreeable fruit; it is properly used to express the weakness and tenderness of the female sex, their fruitfulness in bearing children, and their care of domestic affairs, being keepers at home; see Pe1 3:7. Kimchi observes, that the vine is the only tree men plant within doors; which, w”