Theological Reflections on Abusive Relationships in Christian Context
Scripture consistently condemns the exercise of power that harms another person. Ecclesiastes 8:9 observes plainly: "There is a time in which one man has power over another to his hurt" [4]. This acknowledgment of destructive power dynamics appears throughout the biblical witness, which forbids malice [1], condemns selfishness [3], and calls believers to love rather than dominate.
The Biblical Prohibition of Harm
The law of God requires love of neighbor as oneself (Leviticus 19:18; Matthew 22:39; James 2:8) [3]. Malice—defined as harm springing from an evil heart—is explicitly forbidden and declared incompatible with Christian worship [1]. Scripture teaches that believers must avoid malice entirely, even when injured by others, and are commanded to pray for those who harm them [1]. The wicked are described as those who "live in" malice, conceive it, and visit it upon the righteous [1], a pattern God himself requites [1].
Marriage and Mutual Authority
Christian teaching on marriage emphasizes mutuality rather than unilateral control. First Corinthians 7:3-4 establishes that sexual intimacy is a mutual right for both spouses, with each yielding authority over their own body to the other—though this authority "is clearly not to be abused" [8]. The marital relationship reflects the union between Christ and the church [10], a covenantal bond rooted in love rather than exploitation. Marriage symbolizes God's covenant with his people [9], a relationship characterized by faithfulness, not domination.
Ephesians 5:22-33 addresses both wives and husbands: wives are called to submit, but husbands are equally commanded to love their wives [10]. Jamieson-Fausset-Brown notes that "neither sex is insulated and independent of the other in the Christian life," and together they "realize the ideal of redeemed humanity" [7]. This interdependence excludes the notion that one spouse may exercise harmful power over the other.
Affliction and God's Purposes
Scripture distinguishes between afflictions that God uses for sanctification—teaching his will, turning people toward him, or keeping them from sin [6]—and the sinful exercise of human power to harm. While God may permit suffering to accomplish redemptive purposes [6], this does not legitimize human cruelty. The wicked who abuse God's long-suffering face punishment [2], and despair—often produced by oppressive circumstances—is recognized as a destructive force that can lead to continued sin or even blasphemy [5].
Sources
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Malice — Springs from an evil heart -- Mt 15:19,20; Ga 5:19. Forbidden -- 1Co 14:20; Col 3:8; Eph 4:26,27. A hindrance to growth in grace -- 1Pe 2:1,2. Incompatible with the worship of God -- 1Co 5:7,8. Christian liberty not to be a cloak for -- 1Pe 2:16. Saints avoid -- Job 31:29,30; Ps 35:12-14. The wicked Speak with. -- 3Jo 1:10. Live in. -- Tit 3:3. Conceive. -- Ps 7:14. Filled with. -- Ro 1:29. Visit saints with. -- Ps 83:3; Mt 22:6. Pray for those who injure you through -- Mt 5:44. Brings its own punishment -- Ps 7:15,16. God requites -- Ps 10:14; Eze 36:5. Pun”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Long-Suffering of God, The — Is part of his character -- Ex 34:6; Nu 14:18; Ps 86:15. Salvation, the object of -- 2Pe 3:15. Through Christ's intercession -- Lu 13:8. Should lead to repentance -- Ro 2:4; 2Pe 3:9. An encouragement to repent -- Joe 2:13. Exhibited in forgiving sins -- Ro 3:25. Exercised toward His people. -- Isa 30:18; Eze 20:17. The wicked. -- Ro 9:22; 1Pe 3:20. Plead in prayer -- Jer 15:15. Limits set to -- Ge 6:3; Jer 44:22. The wicked Abuse. -- Ec 8:11; Mt 24:48,49. Despise. -- Ro 2:4. Punished for despising. -- Ne 9:30; Mt 24:48-51; Ro 2:5. Illustr”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Selfishness — Contrary to the law of God -- Le 19:18; Mt 22:39; Jas 2:8. The example of Christ condemns -- Joh 4:34; Ro 15:3; 2Co 8:9. God hates -- Mal 1:10. Exhibited in Being lovers of ourselves. -- 2Ti 3:2. Pleasing ourselves. -- Ro 15:1. Seeking our own. -- 1Co 10:33; Php 2:21. Seeking after gain. -- Isa 56:11. Seeking undue precedence. -- Mt 20:21. Living to ourselves. -- 2Co 5:15. Neglect of the poor. -- 1Jo 3:17. Serving God for reward. -- Mal 1:10. Performing duty for reward. -- Mic 3:11. Inconsistent with Christian love -- 1Co 13:5. Inconsistent with communi”
- Ecclesiastes “All this have I seen, and applied my mind to every work that is done under the sun. There is a time in which one man has power over another to his hurt. -- Ecclesiastes 8:9”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Despair — Produced in the wicked by divine judgments -- De 28:34,67; Re 9:6; 16:10. Leads to Continuing in sin. -- Jer 2:25; 18:12. Blasphemy. -- Isa 8:21; Re 16:10,11. Shall seize upon the wicked at the appearing of Christ -- Re 6:16. Saints sometimes tempted to -- Job 7:6; La 3:18. Saints enabled to overcome -- 2Co 4:8,9. Trust in God, a preservative against -- Ps 42:5,11. Exemplified Cain. -- Ge 4:13,14. Ahithophel. -- 2Sa 17:23. Judas. -- Mt 27:5.”
- Torrey's Topical Textbook “Torrey's Topical Textbook: Afflictions Made Beneficial — In promoting the glory of God -- Joh 9:1-3; 11:3,4; 21:18,19. In exhibiting the power and faithfulness of God -- Ps 34:19,20; 2Co 4:8-11. In teaching us the will of God -- Ps 119:71; Isa 26:9; Mic 6:9. In turning us to God -- De 4:30,31; Ne 1:8,9; Ps 78:34; Isa 10:20,21; Ho 2:6,7. In keeping us from again departing from God -- Job 34:31,32; Isa 10:20; Eze 14:10,11. In leading us to seek God in prayer -- Jdj 4:3; Jer 31:18; La 2:17-19; Ho 5:14,15; Jon 2:1. In convincing us of sin -- Job 36:8,9; Ps 119:67; Lu 15:16-18. In leading us to con”
- 1 Corinthians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Corinthians 11:11: Yet neither sex is insulated and independent of the other in the Christian life [ALFORD]. The one needs the other in the sexual relation; and in respect to Christ ("in the Lord"), the man and the woman together (for neither can be dispensed with) realize the ideal of redeemed humanity represented by the bride, the Church.”
- 1 Corinthians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on 1 Corinthians 7:3: 7:3-4 Because of the temptation to sexual immorality, married Christians must always be considerate of the sexual needs of their spouses. Sexual intimacy is a mutual right for both spouses in a marriage and must not be withheld. Marriage includes yielding the authority over one’s body to one’s spouse, though such authority is clearly not to be abused.”
- Ezek (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ezek 23:4: 23:4 Marriage is commonly used in the Bible as a symbol for the covenant relationship between God and his people (e.g., Isa 54:1-8; Eph 5:22-33). Adultery symbolizes Israel’s spiritual unfaithfulness (e.g., Hos 1–3). God makes his covenants in spite of, not because of, his people’s character (Rom 5:6-11).”
- Ephesians (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Ephesians 5:22: 5:22-33 Christian wives are to submit to their husbands, showing them respect. Equally important, Christian husbands are to love their wives (see Col 3:18-19). Christian marriages become a reflection of the union and relationship between the Lord and the church. 5:22 Submission is part of the life to which the wives’ Christian commitment calls them (see 1 Cor 11:3-10; 14:34-35; Col 3:18; 1 Tim 2:11-12; Titus 2:5; 1 Pet 3:1-6).”