Understanding the Pattern of Absenteeism in Relationships
The concept of absenteeism in relationships, particularly in marriage, is explored in theological discourse through various lenses, often focusing on the dissolution or impairment of relational bonds. Marriage, for instance, is understood as a fundamental covenant relationship rooted in the created order, signifying an inseparable and exclusive union between a man and a woman [8]. This union involves a shift of loyalty from parents to spouse, and its commitments form the most fundamental covenant among humans [8].
The dissolution of marriage, often termed desertion, is considered a final separation that effectively ends the marital bond [3]. While human laws may recognize various grounds for divorce such as incompatibility, cruelty, disease, or crime, these are not necessarily inconsistent with the marriage relation itself [3]. However, a spouse who is deceased or one who refuses to acknowledge their partner can no longer be considered married in a practical sense [3]. This perspective highlights that the absence of one party, whether through death or deliberate desertion, fundamentally alters the relational dynamic. Thomas Aquinas, in discussing the impediment of affinity, notes that a relation ceases either through the corruption of its subject or the removal of its cause [1]. For example, likeness ceases when one of the subjects dies or when the quality causing the likeness is removed [1]. This principle can be applied to marriage, where the "cause" of the relation is the living, active participation of both spouses.
Beyond physical absence, theological discussions also touch upon forms of relational absenteeism that involve a withdrawal of presence or commitment. Augustine, for example, discusses the transient nature of all things perceived by the bodily senses, noting that they are in perpetual transition and lack abiding reality [5]. This philosophical observation can be extended to human relationships, suggesting that a lack of sustained engagement or presence can lead to a form of relational "non-existence" or decay. He also advises checking and subduing the love of these transient things as "most dangerous and disastrous" [5].
The Apostle Paul's teaching in 1 Corinthians 7:29-31, where he states that "they that have wives be as though they had them not," is interpreted by Augustine as a call to use the world and its relationships without being consumed by them, recognizing that "the fashion of this world passeth away" [7]. This perspective, while not advocating for literal absenteeism, suggests a detachment from worldly attachments that could, if misconstrued, lead to a spiritual or emotional distance within relationships.
Historically, certain ascetic practices have been criticized for potentially leading to a form of relational absenteeism. The Manichaeans, for instance, were noted for their abstinence from living things and their abhorrence of marriage, which was deemed "ridiculous" if based on a belief that divine virtue was more or less present or absent in such things [2]. Similarly, some early Christian groups were criticized for "forbidding marriage" and advocating abstinence from certain foods, which was seen as a "spurious spiritualism" that sought higher perfection through outward asceticism [4]. These practices, while intended for spiritual purity, could inadvertently foster a withdrawal from conventional relational structures.
The importance of companionship and mutual support in relationships is also emphasized in biblical texts. Ecclesiastes 4:9 states, "Two are better than one," highlighting the advantage of conjoined efforts and the benefits of companionship over selfish solitude [9]. This verse underscores the value of active presence and collaboration within relationships, contrasting it with the detrimental effects of isolation or absence. Marriage, in particular, is presented as a powerful image of covenant relationships, including Israel's covenant with God and Christ's relationship with the Church [8]. The propagation of the Church from Christ, analogous to Eve's creation from Adam, forms the foundation of this spiritual marriage, where Christ "left the Father's bosom to woo to Himself the Church out of a lost world" [6]. This imagery implies an active, self-sacrificing presence rather than an absence.
Sources
- theology (Catholic (Scholastic)) “Aquinas, Summa Theologica, Supplement (Supplementum), Of the Impediment of Affinity, Art. 2: Article: Whether affinity remains after the death of husband or wife? I answer that, A relation ceases in two ways: in one way through the corruption of its subject, in another way by the removal of its cause; thus likeness ceases when one of the like subjects dies, or when the quality that caused the likeness is removed. Now there are certain relations which have for their cause an action, or a passion or movement (Metaph. v, 20): and some of these are caused by movement, through something being moved”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “ANF Vol 6: Gregory Thaumaturgus, Dionysius, Julius Africanus, Methodius, Arnobius — CHAP. XXV.--THE MANICHAEAN ABSTINENCE FROM LIVING THINGS RIDICULOUS; THEIR MADNESS IN ABHORRING MARRIAGE; THE MYTHOLOGY OF THE GIANTS; TOO ,ALLEGORICAL AN EXPOSITION.: They abstain also from living things. If, indeed, the reason of their abstinence were other than it is, it ought not to be too curiously investigated. But if they do so for this reason, that the divine virtue is more or less absent or present to them, this their meaning is ridiculous. For if plants be more material, how is it in accordance with r”
- CCEL (Reformed (Old Princeton)) “Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology, Vol. 3, section 49: Why does death dissolve a marriage? It is because it is a final separation. So is desertion. Incompatibility of temper, cruelty, disease, crime, insanity, etc., which human laws often make grounds of divorce, are not inconsistent with the marriage relation. A woman may have a disagreeable, a cruel, or a wicked husband, but a man in his grave, or one who refuses to recognize her as his wife, cannot be her husband. It is said, indeed, that this doctrine makes marriage depend on the option of the parties. Either may desert the other; and the”
- 1 Timothy (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on 1 Timothy 4:3: Sensuality leads to false spiritualism. Their own inward impurity is reflected in their eyes in the world without them, and hence their asceticism (Tit 1:14-15) [WIESINGER]. By a spurious spiritualism (Ti2 2:18), which made moral perfection consist in abstinence from outward things, they pretended to attain to a higher perfection. Mat 19:10-12 (compare Co1 7:8, Co1 7:26, Co1 7:38) gave a seeming handle to their "forbidding marriage" (contrast Ti1 5:14); and the Old Testament distinction as to clean and unclean, gave a pretext for teaching to "abstain”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 1: Augustine — Confessions, Letters — LETTER II. (A.V. 386.) (part 1): TO ZENOBIUS AUGUSTIN SENDS GREETING.1 1. We are, I suppose, both agreed in maintaining that all things with which our bodily senses acquaint us are incapable of abiding un-! changed for a single moment, but, on the contrary, are moving and in perpetual transition,; and have no present reality, that is, to use the language of Latin philosophy, do not exist.2 Accordingly, the true and divine philosophy admonishes us to check and subdue the love of these things as most dangerous and disastrous,' in order that the min”
- Ephesians (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Ephesians 5:31: For--The propagation of the Church from Christ, as that of Eve from Adam, is the foundation of the spiritual marriage. The natural marriage, wherein "a man leaves father and mother (the oldest manuscripts omit 'his') and is joined unto his wife," is not the principal thing meant here, but the spiritual marriage represented by it, and on which it rests, whereby Christ left the Father's bosom to woo to Himself the Church out of a lost world: Eph 5:32 proves this: His earthly mother as such, also, He holds in secondary account as compared with His spir”
- Schaff ANF/NPNF (Patristic) “NPNF1 Vol 5: Augustine — Anti-Pelagian — CHAP. 15.--THE TEACHING OF THE APOSTLE ON (part 1): THIS SUBJECT. Accordingly the apostle also, speaking apparently with this passage in view, declares: "But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it re- 270 maineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had them not; and they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; and they that use this world, as though they used it not: for the fashion of this world passeth away. But I would have you without ”
- Genesis (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Genesis 2:24: 2:24 Marriage between a man and a woman is not just a human social construct but is rooted in the created order. • a man leaves . . . and is joined: Marriage entails a shift of loyalty from parents to spouse. • the two are united into one: Marriage and its commitments make it the most fundamental covenant relationship observed among humans. Marriage is a powerful image of Israel’s covenant with God (Hos 2:14-23) and of Christ’s relationship to the church (Eph 5:22-32). Marriage is designed as an inseparable, exclusive relationship between a man and a woman. The f”
- Ecclesiastes (Presbyterian) “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown on Ecclesiastes 4:9: Two--opposed to "one" (Ecc 4:8). Ties of union, marriage, friendship, religious communion, are better than the selfish solitariness of the miser (Gen 2:18). reward--Advantage accrues from their efforts being conjoined. The Talmud says, "A man without a companion is like a left hand without the right.”