When to Disclose Infidelity in a Relationship Situation
The Old Testament uses the term "infidelity" to describe a betrayal of trust, often in a covenantal context, such as deceiving a fellow citizen regarding an entrusted item or a pledge [1]. It can also refer to an unintentional wrong against "Yahweh's holy things" [2]. In the context of marriage, infidelity primarily refers to sexual unfaithfulness.
The Mosaic Law addresses marital infidelity with specific provisions. Numbers 5:11-31 outlines a process for a husband who suspects his wife of adultery, whether the suspicion is well-founded or not [5, 6]. This process was considered crucial for maintaining the stability of marriage and the civil commonwealth, which were seen as foundational to the holiness of God's people [5]. Deuteronomy 24:1 permits a man to divorce his wife if he finds "some indecency in her" [3]. This provision was subject to misapplication, as Jesus later challenged the casual approach to divorce that arose from it [7]. Another law in Deuteronomy addresses a man who slanders his wife by falsely accusing her of not being a virgin at the time of marriage; if disproven, he would be punished [9, 10].
Jesus, in the New Testament, addresses the issue of divorce and infidelity, emphasizing the permanence of marriage as God designed it [8]. He permits only one legitimate reason for divorce: sexual infidelity [7, 8]. In Matthew 5:32 and 19:9, Jesus states that divorcing one's wife, except for porneia (often translated as sexual immorality or unfaithfulness), causes her to commit adultery if she remarries [7, 8, 11]. This "exception clause" permits, but does not demand, divorce when one partner has been unfaithful [11]. It is notable that Jesus does not mandate the death penalty for the guilty party, as the Old Testament law did in some cases [11].
While human beings may keep illicit relationships secret from family and society, the biblical perspective is that nothing is hidden from God, and adultery is considered a sin against God [4].
Sources
- Leviticus “Leviticus 6:2 (LEB) — “When a person ⌞displays infidelity⌟ against Yahweh and he deceives his fellow citizen regarding something entrusted or ⌞a pledge⌟ or stealing or he exploits his fellow citizen,”
- Leviticus “Leviticus 5:15 (LEB) — “When a person ⌞displays infidelity⌟ and he sins in an unintentional wrong ⌞in any of⌟ Yahweh’s holy things, then he shall bring his guilt offering to Yahweh: a ram without defect from the flock as a guilt offering by your valuation in silver shekels according to the sanctuary shekel.”
- Deuteronomy “Deuteronomy 24:1 (BSB) — If a man marries a woman, but she becomes displeasing to him because he finds some indecency in her, he may write her a certificate of divorce, hand it to her, and send her away from his house.”
- Proverbs (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Proverbs 5:21: 5:21-23 Even if a man keeps an illicit relationship secret from his family and society, nothing is hidden from the Lord. Adultery is a sin against God (Gen 39:8-9).”
- Numbers (Lutheran) “Keil & Delitzsch on Numbers 5:11: Sentence of God upon Wives Suspected of Adultery. - As any suspicion cherished by a man against his wife, that she either is or has been guilty of adultery, whether well-founded or not, is sufficient to shake the marriage connection to its very roots, and to undermine, along with marriage, the foundation of the civil commonwealth, it was of the greatest importance to guard against this moral evil, which was so utterly irreconcilable with the holiness of the people of God, by appointing a process in harmony with the spirit of the theocratical law, and adapted t”
- Numbers (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Numbers 5:11: We have here the law concerning the solemn trial of a wife whose husband was jealous of her. Observe, I. What was the case supposed: That a man had some reason to suspect his wife to have committed adultery, Num 5:12-14. Here, 1. The sin of adultery is justly represented as an exceedingly sinful sin; it is going aside from God and virtue, and the good way, Pro 2:17. It is committing a trespass against the husband, robbing him of his honour, alienating his right, introducing a spurious breed into his family to share with his children in his estate, and violating h”
- Matthew (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Matthew 5:31: 5:31-32 Jesus challenges the misapplication of the Old Testament provision for divorce (see Deut 24:1-4; cp. Matt 19:3-9): Following the rules does not make divorce acceptable. Jesus allows only one legitimate reason for divorce, sexual infidelity, and forbids casual divorce (see also 1 Cor 7:10-11). 5:31 A notice of divorce is a document stating the legality of a divorce. Evidence suggests that such a document permitted remarriage. “The essential formula in the notice of divorce is, ‘Lo, you are free to marry any man.’ . . . The essential formula in a writ of em”
- Matthew (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Matthew 19:9: 19:9 Jesus permits only one legitimate reason for a man to divorce: if his wife has been unfaithful (see 5:32). In the face of those who thought divorce could be taken lightly, Jesus affirms God’s created order: Marriage was designed to be permanent (see Mark 10:11-12). • commits adultery: This speaks only of the man who divorces his wife unlawfully. In such a case, his remarriage is adulterous. Jesus’ motivation is to reestablish the permanency of marriage.”
- Deuteronomy (Nonconformist/Puritan) “Matthew Henry on Deuteronomy 22:13: These laws relate to the seventh commandment, laying a restraint by laying a penalty upon those fleshly lusts which war against the soul. I. If a man, lusting after another woman, to get rid of his wife slander her and falsely accuse her, as not having the virginity she pretended to when he married her, upon the disproof of his slander he must be punished, Deu 22:13-19. What the meaning of that evidence is by which the husband's accusation was to be proved false the learned are not agreed, nor is it at all necessary to enquire - those for whom this law was i”
- Deuteronomy (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Deuteronomy 22:14: 22:14 A husband who discovered evidence that his wife had lost her virginity prior to marriage (see 22:15) would accuse her of shameful conduct.”
- Matthew (Protestant academic) “Tyndale House on Matthew 5:32: 5:32 The exception clause permits but does not demand divorce when one partner has been unfaithful (see also 19:9). Notably, Jesus does not demand death for the guilty party (see Deut 22:21-22). • The implication seems to be that by divorcing his wife for illegitimate reasons, the man causes her to commit adultery by wrongly putting her in a situation where she remarries and so breaks the law. • anyone who marries a divorced woman: It is not clear whether Jesus is referring to any woman who is divorced, regardless of the reason, or only to a woman who is divorced”